Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

210 replies

WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:40

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

OP posts:
Thiswayorthatway · 08/12/2017 08:41

Gosh chill out 😒

Fekko · 08/12/2017 08:42

He's usually a medium but you asked for a large - she's confused then? Who mentioned the XS? Now I'm confused!

IWouldBeSuperb · 08/12/2017 08:42

So you told her Large when he actually needs Medium? Hmm

Ginmakesitallok · 08/12/2017 08:43

I'm not seeing the issue? Why did you tell her large if he's a medium?? 😕

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:45

I told her large as he normally wears large. After this fuss I then went and checked the original t-shirt, that she bought him, and it was a medium.

Have you missed the bit where she sort of almost tries to claim I said he needed an Extra Small?

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 08/12/2017 08:46

Just message back and tell her the right size. Then let it go. I'm having similar issues with my mil!

KinkyAfro · 08/12/2017 08:46

I don't think anyone missed anything, your post wasn't clear

exexpat · 08/12/2017 08:46

If you sent her a link, it may automatically have opened with the smallest size selected in the drop-down box and she thinks that means you suggested that size?

FluffyWhiteTowels · 08/12/2017 08:47

Does he need XS, medium or large ? Sounds like you are confused not her Confused

SillyMoomin · 08/12/2017 08:47

Think you’re just causing fuss when there doesn’t need to be op

Just reply and say, he need a size (whatever it is, I got confused myself reading the whole saga about medium / large whatever)

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 08/12/2017 08:47

Is it possible that when she followed your link the drop down menu was pre set to XS?

Laiste · 08/12/2017 08:47

I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large. ... Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?
Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

You've told her get a large even though he's a medium but she thinks you've said extra small? Confused

GerardNoWay · 08/12/2017 08:47

Forgetting the XS bit, she's right isn't she? She obviously remembers she got him a M next time, so just confirm that, yes, he needs a M. Confused

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:48

Exexpat I think that is what she is getting at, but I don't think she is that unable to use the internet. I think she is looking for a way to make a fuss.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 08/12/2017 08:50

Your post isn't clear, OP, that's why everyone's confused.

So if he normally does wear a medium, as you've admitted and MIL pointed out, why did you tell her to get large?

MarmiteandToast · 08/12/2017 08:50

I was really confused at first too

This is probably just not a good example to explain your frustration OP but I wouldn't worry about it, the good news is he is a medium in this range so if you now agree medium might be better the present will fit even better and everyone's a winner Including DH

KungFuEric · 08/12/2017 08:51

It didn't seem clear. How much hardship is there in confirming it's a large in that particular range?

Fluffyears · 08/12/2017 08:51

You said large and she says you said xs??? I’m lost kusygo backsnd day ‘yes medium is great’.

Mil constantly buys dp small in t shirts he hasn’t worn small since he was 12. She persists in doing so despite being told they don’t fit. He’s 5’11’ with wide shoulders. If she is in a shop and he looks at clothes she says ‘medium? Really?’ YES YES WE HAVE TOLD YOU FOR OVER 20 YEARS FFS!!

Laiste · 08/12/2017 08:52

Maybe steer away from clothes suggestions in future?

MIL buys hideous shirts for DH even though he's told her repeatedly when she asks about xmas that ''I don't need any more shirts mum''.

Then when he opens yet another shirt present she fusses about the neck size and asks over an over if he like the pattern. It's kind of part of xmas now.

Fluffyears · 08/12/2017 08:52

Why not order it and she can give you the cash?

FV45 · 08/12/2017 08:52

Just rise above it.

"Dear MIL,

Thanks for checking the size. Please can you order a medium."

I have all manner of drama with one relative. Part of me wants to scream "just give me the fucking money and I'll do it myself", but she is what she is and I either need to confront her (and risk the relationship) or just accept it. I choose the latter and vent to other people.

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:52

Apologies if this isn't clear. I thought he was a large size, he normally is.

Then to save ball ache later I checked the t-shirts he already has from this supplier (this morning after seeing her email back to me) and yes he is actually a medium.

The point is she is trying to suggest I have suggested an Extra Small. Which I obviously haven't.

OP posts:
CurlyRover · 08/12/2017 08:53

Just message her back to confirm the size and then it's a non issue Xmas Smile

glow1984 · 08/12/2017 08:53

I think she is looking for a way to make a fuss.

And I think you’re looking to find any reason not to like her or agree with her

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 08/12/2017 08:53

Quite often my DCs send me links for items and it doesn't come up with the correct size, just the first on a drop down list. I think you're bringing some baggage into this perfectly innocent exchange. You sent a link, which may or may not have worked properly. You say he was a medium in this range before and now you're asking for a large, but potentially sending her a link which lands on XS in the drop-down. No wonder your MIL is confused!