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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

210 replies

WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:40

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 08/12/2017 09:04

But you told her the wrong size
She queried it
She was right
Just confirm the size and move on with your life
Jesus wept

ReanimatedSGB · 08/12/2017 09:04

If you have to deal with someone who is always niggling and picking away with unnecessary questions, and wilfully misunderstanding you, even quite small exchanges can be utterly infuriating. it sounds like that's the case here.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 08/12/2017 09:04

she opened the link and it defaulted to xs. That is where her mention came from. She's not trying to mess with your mind. Occam's Razor.

Palegreenstars · 08/12/2017 09:05

I think you are more confusing than you think and have probably confused her

ragged · 08/12/2017 09:05

You have a copy of the text you sent her, right?

So just send it again, or copy & paste it in, saying you don't know why she mentioned XS.

As for the medium correction, I'd bend over backwards to thank her for spotting that medium is more appropriate. That was your oversight.

Try to tell her not to order until at least 15 December so that the item is easy to return (will be returned within 30 days).

WinifredAtwellsOtherPiano · 08/12/2017 09:05

You’ve sent her a link to what you said was the exact right thing to get. It’s come up showing XS. She’s said “really?!” in an admittedly annoyingly PA way.
You reply “thanks for checking - link must have reset size - medium will be fine. We’ve put up the tree now, and it’s finally feeling like Xmas. DC so excited! [insert other friendly Xmas chit chat as appropriate].”

Crumbs1 · 08/12/2017 09:06

Really? You’re angry about this? Why not just send a message saying “thank you for checking, I had a look and you’re right, it is the medium”?

Are you just cross she was right, perhaps?

whyhastherumgone · 08/12/2017 09:06

Seems like this is a non issue? Just reply and say 'No Medium is definitely the right size' if it's the right size?

Don't really get what the drama is about, this is the kind of conversation I have frequently with relatives when talking about what to buy clothing wise, it never causes any offence

Raysmum · 08/12/2017 09:07

What’s coming across on here is that you don’t actually you like your MIL, all you had to do was email back and say a Large size please or
It might have been better to pick up the phone and talk to her.

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 09:08

Thanks to the posters who have kind of got what I was getting at with regards to the PA misunderstanding, and thanks to the rest of you for putting it in perspective. You are right about picking battles.

OP posts:
MyrandaRoyce · 08/12/2017 09:10

Is the tshirt still in stock in all sizes? Maybe XS is the only size left on the listing at the URL you sent and that’s why she’s confused?

juddyrockingcloggs · 08/12/2017 09:11

This
Omg I am really dreading becoming a MIL

And this

I’m dreading my boys getting married if this is what MILs have to put up with.

Me too. Oh god me too.

SweetieBaby · 08/12/2017 09:11

She thinks that you sent her a link to the t shirt with a size that you had chosen.

You didn't. You sent her a link to the t shirt BUT the site pre selected an XS, unbeknownst to you.

No one here has intentionally done anything wrong. There has just been some understandable miscommunication.

Apart from you mistakenly telling her to order L and her correctly suggesting a M.

So, in summary - MIL is nicely suggesting the right size. You just nerd to reply sorry MIL. You are quite right. M would be perfect. Thank you.

Ragwort · 08/12/2017 09:12

You sound absolutely bonkers, you are looking for a fight.

Just reply with the correct size, or better still, pick up the phone and talk to your MIL (just seen that Raysmum has suggested the same thing). There is so much misunderstanding and offence taken over texts and emails, just go back to old fashioned talking to people.

I can't bear the thought of becoming a MIL when some women seem to pick holes in everything their MIL does.

bsbabas · 08/12/2017 09:13

My mil has insisted on 70% cocoa solids chocolate and a certain CD and still buys my partner all his clothes and has suggested that he moves back in with her. He is 33 I'm soo fed up. I pay for everything he won't get a job every time I bring it up he tries to break up with me.

RichardRichieRichard · 08/12/2017 09:14

Yabu, first world problem Hmm

Booboobooboo84 · 08/12/2017 09:15

Looks like whatever has gone on in the background means that mil is now truely annoying to you. Maybe your dh could take responsibility for contacting her in the future.

You’ve clearly said a large, a large would be fine as t shirts look best a bit baggier so I’ve no idea why she’s harping I’m about an xs, all she had to do was ee read the email

gamerchick · 08/12/2017 09:16

My mil has insisted on 70% cocoa solids chocolate and a certain CD and still buys my partner all his clothes and has suggested that he moves back in with her. He is 33 I'm soo fed up. I pay for everything he won't get a job every time I bring it up he tries to break up with me

Then let him! Send him home to mummy. Sounds as if you’re just a substitute anyway. Confused

Booboobooboo84 · 08/12/2017 09:16

@bsbabas save your money and let him leave, what a manchild. Surely that’s not attractive to you

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2017 09:17

My mil has insisted on 70% cocoa solids chocolate and a certain CD and still buys my partner all his clothes and has suggested that he moves back in with her. He is 33 I'm soo fed up. I pay for everything he won't get a job every time I bring it up he tries to break up with me

I'd let him...

HolyShet · 08/12/2017 09:20

Your giving out because she checked the right size to buy?

The model shots on clothes are often extra small and have a disclaimer saying which size is shown.

Unless you two are at war, this is wildly oversensitive.

BanyanChristmasTree · 08/12/2017 09:25

Why o why do these mother in laws go through the DIL to deal with their own sons?
In my family, if I or my parents want something, we ask my DBs directly. I get on well with the women married into my family but if I want something I go to my DB, I won’t broker with a middle person.
Why can’t she say son, what do you want for Christmas? Or better still, get to know her son a bit better. I am sitting on a bus right now, off to pick stuff out for a teenager, 2 middle age men and a grandad. It’s not rocket science.

ShirleyPhallus · 08/12/2017 09:25

Genuinely bonkers. And the other man child post just now. Just leave him, nothing good will come from that relationship

ceeveebee · 08/12/2017 09:28

You sound like a right pain in the ass. Just reply and tell her the right size. And stop finding things to be angry about

Blodplod · 08/12/2017 09:28

Tbh I’d be grateful she’d be taking the trouble to get a gift and something DH wants.. my mother famously buys absolute dross every year with zero thought to the recipient - one year she bought my sisters husband a wooden duck (garden ornament) from a garden centre. He was 27 and they lived in a flat with no garden... Confused. Last year for my birthday she bought me a owl shaped Xmas decoration.. now that’s worth getting pissed off about!