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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

210 replies

WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:40

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

OP posts:
Zevitevitchofcrimas · 08/12/2017 09:29
Grin

I can usually see a Mil being difficult where others posters can't, ie the digs that no one but the victim had been subjected too would know, but even I am stumped at this one Grin

Butterymuffin · 08/12/2017 09:30

OP, send a three word reply 'Get the medium'. Job done. Have a Brew and chill.

bsb tell yours to move back with his mum. Not sure what he's bringing to your life anyway! Fresh start for Christmas and the New Year.

happy2bhomely · 08/12/2017 09:32

Surely the simple solution to this is to stop getting involved.

I get it. I have been with my partner for 18 years, married for 8. Mil is a pain in my arse. I love her but she is a difficult woman. The only saving grace is that DH finds her even more difficult than I do so he understands my frustration.

When she asks you what her son would like for Christmas, tell her that she should ask him, not you. Let him deal with it. You don't have to be horrible, just say that you have no idea and she would be better off asking him. Does your mother email DH to ask what to buy you?

GloriaGutbucket · 08/12/2017 09:33

and tried to make out I suggested an extra small

Perhaps the website defaulted to XS. They do that, you know.

LilyDisney · 08/12/2017 09:39

You are bat shit.

At no point did she "accuse" you of suggesting XS.

It was most likely the one selected in the link you sent her as the smallest sizes are normally the default being first on a list.

Chill the f out and say the size you think she should get.

K0729P · 08/12/2017 09:39

Jeez...you need to lighten up!

Maybe you should do her a favour and stay away at Xmas. Probably give her some peace.

Chewbecca · 08/12/2017 09:46

You say 'knowing how she fusses'. Be mindful of how annoying that is and don't turn into that fusspot yourself. Just clarify the right size & forget.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/12/2017 09:48

Stop giving this air.

Send a breezy text back stating he’s a medium in this brand. Thanks for checking. Then forget it. If it’s too small, it won’t be anyone’s fault. And if queries it again, suggest she should buy it in 2 sizes and she can send the wrong one back after Christmas.

shoeaddict83 · 08/12/2017 09:48

Jesus this is such a non issue! Email back that hes a Medium and its done. What on earth is the issue? Hmm

Darlingsof · 08/12/2017 09:49

Bloody hell! Just tell the woman what size you mean. Or buy it and get her to give you the money,

paxillin · 08/12/2017 09:51

Grin Grin Grin

Poor MIL almost thinking of getting the wrong size.

Quietvoiceplease · 08/12/2017 09:52

I think you need to simply reply with the right size and let it go. Life is too short.
I say this, and know it is hard to do. I am currently having to contend with providing quite specific ideas for about 8 people for my 3 older children and so every idea we have is passed to someone else and we're left not knowing what to buy. It's like shopping for 8 Christmases. One person also sends me lots of specific links after I've given her ideas (say I say some battery fairy lights) then she'll send me links to about 15 (I kid not) different strings of lights and ask me to choose. It. drives. me. mad. But I moan to DH and then politely reply, knowing everyone means well.
Deep breath, reply with the size and get on with your day.
Why did gift giving become so complicated??

Dahlietta · 08/12/2017 09:53

I reckon she just clicked on the link and it came up with default size XS. In my experience of my own mother and mother in law, this is what they would do, wouldn't read the original email properly and then would query why I'd sent a link to the XS. Bless them.

ChristmasFOG · 08/12/2017 09:53

'No, definitely not XS! MEDIUM or LARGE will be fine - whatever you think is best'

I understand with the draining effect of many years of PA from someone - you look for it everywhere. This may or may not have been PA. What you are definitely doing is giving her the power irritate you and wind you up - that's what really needs to stop for the sake of your own mental health. I do know how hard that is though...

I would make this the last time you get involved with giving out present ideas lists - she can deal with your DH directly.

ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs · 08/12/2017 09:54

It must be exhausting constantly thinking people are trying to get one over on you or are plotting against you.

why12345 · 08/12/2017 09:55

Confused she hasn't done anything wrong! You sent the link with what he wanted and because it said XS she thought that's what you had selected! She was just double checking it was right.
This is such a non issue!

MadAboutYou · 08/12/2017 10:01

i think xs was probably the default setting when you followed the link. You're being unreasonavble

Quartz2208 · 08/12/2017 10:12

Its a genuine misunderstanding the link would have defaulted to XS and she remembers what size she bought last time (she probably did not even read the large)

Bumbumtaloo · 08/12/2017 10:15

This is genuinely the most clutching at straws to take offence that I have seen, and that’s saying something.

Why don’t you reply medium/large is fine and not give it anymore thought. Honestly I just don’t get it.

woofmiaowwoof · 08/12/2017 10:15

my lovely DM does this kind of thing - it's obvious that she's not understood the link defaulted to XS - some people assume that other people have made a mistake when they are doing something, others assume they probably mucked something up!

It does irritate me a bit but although they're not old, they're probably not as used to technology as we are.

runwalkrun · 08/12/2017 10:16

I think she is looking for a way to make a fuss.

And I think you’re looking to find any reason not to like her or agree with her

Absolutely.

I couldn't make head or tail of your instructions either.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 08/12/2017 10:20

Let her do what she wants. Don't get involved.

FluffyNinja · 08/12/2017 10:23

OP, you sound quite unpleasant and trying desperately to find fault with your MIL. Thank goodness my 2 DIL's are lovely and don't go in for this assassination by social media shite.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/12/2017 10:27

I expect the url you sent her defaults to the smallest size in the drop down menu. So that's (quite understandably) confused her.

You telling her the wrong size won't have helped.

Just text back "yes you're right. Get a M"

I suspect, because of the background you mention, you're looking for a reason to have the hump. Unfortunately this isn't the hill to choose to die on because she's not in the wrong. (She'll probably put herself there soon, never fear, if she's anything like my exMiL)

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/12/2017 10:28

‘She’s trying to make out’ no really, she’s not though. You wrote it in an email, in black and white. There’s just some miscommunication.

Just reply ‘well I suggested large but actually medium may be better’

Job done.