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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

210 replies

WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:40

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 08/12/2017 11:47

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

To be honest reading the posts, I am confused as to what size he is!

BUT...Who knows but don't assume so, and either way just deal with it in a really business like way. Reiterate "DH has said he wants size (say the size he wants) is this particular shirt." End of. Broken record, no further debate.

Ecureuil · 08/12/2017 11:49

Why would she do it deliberately? What purpose would it serve?

Eliza9917 · 08/12/2017 11:52

WazFlimFlam
Exexpat I think that is what she is getting at, but I don't think she is that unable to use the internet. I think she is looking for a way to make a fuss.

What the fuck are you doing then???? Jesus Christ. Just reply and tell her what size her needs, why and how is that even a fucking issue?

thegrinchreaper · 08/12/2017 11:52

She's just trying to double check her son's size.
Why would it be your fault if she buys him the wrong size?
If it doesn't fit, he can exchange it.

wednesdayswench · 08/12/2017 11:52

Wow

WunWun · 08/12/2017 11:52

Why can't you just reply "Sorry, I'm confused. Are you mixing this up with something else? I said large... do you want me to resend the email?"

QueenThisTime · 08/12/2017 11:52

My mum always does this. However much detail I send, she will deliberately get it wrong because then she can have a drama and fuss and make out that I've messed up. If she can't possibly get it wrong, she will fuck up in some other way ("Oh dear, I've lost the link you sent me") (I know she hasn't, I know I could find it in her inbox in 2 seconds flat) because just getting on with it isn't an option, there HAS to be a drama. I really bloody hate and it makes me fume - I'm not even sure why. I know that not rising to it is the best option. "Here it is". "Yes a medium, thanks." It's hard though.

PuppyMonkey · 08/12/2017 11:56

I understood the OP first time - you lot are all thickos. Grin

Just text back: "No please get him a Large in this style xx"

And then move on with your life and keep your texts as evidence it wasn't you who cocked up when she buys the XS as she probably will.

theEagleIsLost · 08/12/2017 11:59

Just send e-mail back:

I haven't suggested x-small - not sure where that came from.

Medium size is fine.

Then next year - I have no idea you'll have to ask your DS - and repeat and repeat - and in few years time she'll automatcially do straight to him. At least that's what I found.

EmilyChambers79 · 08/12/2017 12:05

If you sent her the link, then it won't save the size you selected, it will go back to the default size (usually the smallest)

So you sent it and said large, the link had defaulted to X's and she is questioning it by saying the X's not a little small for him.

She isn't hinting that he needs an X's at all, I think your history, whatever that may be, is making you see things that are not there.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/12/2017 12:11

I'd just email and say

'Well I'd buy a large, but I'll leave it up to you'

Sorted.

whiskyowl · 08/12/2017 12:17

I suspect there is a divide on this thread, and it is the divide between those who have to endure fuss on a regular basis, and those who don't.

It is incredibly frustrating when are busy, and you are asked what your relatives want for Christmas, and spend time coming up with ideas, and send those ideas in a clear form (with a URL), only to have a barrage of questions you have already answered come back, and then to have the person buy the wrong thing anyway.

The fuss is attention-seeking, it's annoying, and it takes up time and attention at a busy time of year. It is particularly frustrating when you are working flat-out with a busy job and family commitments, and they are retired with all the time in the world to read a goddamn email properly. I think some of it is inadvertent (people with too much time on their hands who have lost the ability to self-organise: my PIL take 30 minutes to get into the car to go to the local shop), but some of it is, at some level, attention-seeking.

Trinity66 · 08/12/2017 12:18

*I'd just email and say

'Well I'd buy a large, but I'll leave it up to you'

Sorted.*

But he's Medium, isn't he? Hmm

whiskyowl · 08/12/2017 12:19

"She isn't hinting that he needs an X's at all, I think your history, whatever that may be, is making you see things that are not there."

I agree with your explanation, but OP is not seeing stuff that isn't there. She's getting annoyed because she's having to spoonfeed a grown person over how to do something incredibly simple, which is wifework anyway.

Trinity66 · 08/12/2017 12:20

whiskyowl

That's fair enough but it did turn out she'd given the wrong size

LondonGirls · 08/12/2017 12:27

Could be worse,
Years ago we were staying with MiL
Abroad the day before DH birthday me & MIL went out to buy DH a pair of jeans each,
she kept insisting he was a 30” leg but I explained he was definitely a 32” after about an hour of this we both bought him a 32” pair,
The next morning she had wrapped both pairs & when he opened them she had taken up BOTH pairs I was 😮 DH said don’t say anything!
We went out for dinner that night with DH wearing his new ankle swingers 😬
She had also cut off the excess so I couldn’t take them down again!

whiskyowl · 08/12/2017 12:34

"That's fair enough but it did turn out she'd given the wrong size"

I didn't read it that way. I read it that the OP had checked out the sizing (which can vary a lot for T-shirts) and decided that a large was better for her DH in this case than his usual medium size ("Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large"). MIL just ignored that, and asked whether XS was too small. These kind of things boil your piss when you have a million and one things to do. Smile

EmilyChambers79 · 08/12/2017 12:36

I agree with your explanation, but OP is not seeing stuff that isn't there

It just sounded to me like her judgment was clouded as she said herself there was history there.

And it may be a bit confusing if you send a link that reads X's, ask for a large and actually need a medium (though I'm confused as to what size he actually needs!)

Solve the problem and ask for a voucher!

whiskyowl · 08/12/2017 12:45

Yes, I agree Emily - it does sound like clarification was needed. But it also sounds like the woman cannot operate a drop-down menu!! Smile

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 12:47

WhiskeyOwl - that's exactly it. I checked the given measurements on the website. When in the morning I checked the actual tshirt label and realised that actually he has been wearing a medium in this brand for some time now, I thought 'oh, ha, ha, after all that, whoops!' I thought it was semi-entertaining point to include, not the entire point of the OP Hmm

LondonGirl - Jeez, is she still alive? (Your DH's reaction is telling...)

EmilyChambers79 - I didn't send her a link that 'reads XS'. I sent her a link to the t-shirt.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/12/2017 12:54

We went out for dinner that night with DH wearing his new ankle swingers 😬
She had also cut off the excess so I couldn’t take them down again

Wtf man! Did she clock her mistake or did she admire the budgies?

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 12:54

BTW for people who are arguing that medium is 'correct' and large is 'wrong'. The sizing info is thus:

M = 38-40 inches
L = 40-42 inches

My DH has a 40 inch chest. In all honesty what size do you think he should have?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/12/2017 12:57

The large. Unless he likes perfectly clinging tees to show off his bod.

StayAChild · 08/12/2017 13:04

OP I don't know what the brand is, but I have learned from my DDs partners that T shirts have to be tightish fitting, e.g. All Saints are skimpy. A baggy T shirt would never be acceptable. Your DH might have a surplus of 2 inches with the Large size. Xmas Wink

g1itterati · 08/12/2017 13:04

LondonGirls - OMG! Sorry but that did make me laugh.

OP - It must have just been a typo or the link opened on XS or some other minor misunderstanding. I wouldn't give it a second thought.