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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

210 replies

WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:40

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

OP posts:
dontquotemeondailymail · 08/12/2017 10:31

Then to save ball ache later I checked the t-shirts he already has from this supplier (this morning after seeing her email back to me) and yes he is actually a medium.

The point is she is trying to suggest I have suggested an Extra Small. Which I obviously haven't.

So either way you told her the wrong size, she clarified it, and you're getting pissed off?

There are (usually Wink) many MIL things to get annoyed with but this isn't one of them

Trinity66 · 08/12/2017 10:34

So you were mistaken to say he was a large and she was mistaken to think you said XS, just tell her, yes Medium is correct and move on?

AJPTaylor · 08/12/2017 10:37

Sounds to me that she was trying to avoid getting it wrong tbh.
However, i sympatise op i have relatives that irritate me by breathing

taratill · 08/12/2017 10:38

Christ almighty you should try to deal with my MIL who is vindictive and manipulative.....

Let it go.

toomuchtooold · 08/12/2017 10:40

My advice:

  1. Email her back saying "you're absolutely right, he does take a medium in these t-shirts, well remembered Xmas Smile Xmas Smile tinkly laugh@
  2. Embrace the Zen concept that suffering is caused by attachment, and let go of your attachment to the illusion that you have any control over your inlaws' behaviour. If they want fuss, there'll be fuss.
  3. Post your dilemmas about backstory-ridden relationships with crazy family members in Relationships. In AIBU you get normal people with normal families who interpret the situation in the context of their nice and normal families and you just come over as batshit mental instead of at the end of your tether.
Blackteadrinker77 · 08/12/2017 10:40

You get one life, and in that life you will come up against many obstacles. It is up to you how you deal with them.
This is not even worth thinking about, I would have just picked up the phone and had a quick chat about it.
She is going to be around a long time if she is only 59 so I'd make use of her not cause walls between you.

Tigger180 · 08/12/2017 10:43

Maybe when she opened the link, the shirt was defaulted to XS and she presumed the link would open to the size you wanted, and that’s where the confusion has come from.
From experience it’s amusing how people of your MIL’s (and my parent’s age) think the internet works sometimes, even though they use it regularly 😊

upperlimit · 08/12/2017 10:48

This is ridiculous op.

He's going to end up with chocolates at this rate.

Appuskidu · 08/12/2017 10:51

You really are making a mountain out of a molehill here!

BoredOnMatLeave · 08/12/2017 10:53

Is it the backstory that is making you think she is trying to make out you said XS? Because that isn't a normal conclusion people would take from this situation. As almost everyone has said she's opened the tab and it's selected XS and she's thought you meant XS.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 08/12/2017 10:55

DM did this with DH. We were in Sainsbury's, she asked me what he wanted for Christmas, I texted him, he replied "a jumper", she asked what size, I texted him, he replied "large", she kept saying "are you sure he's a large? [DM's DP name] is a large ". I try explaining "Yes DM, he's very broad, a medium won't fit" etc, etc, etc, eventually, it sank in and she bought the fucking large. Xmas Hmm He's been buying jumpers from Sainsbury's since the big store opened here in 2014, doesn't she think he knows what fucking size he is by now? Xmas Hmm

CotswoldStrife · 08/12/2017 10:59

You and your MIL sound quite similar with the nit-picking tbh, OP, which is probably not what you want to hear!

You both got it wrong in this instance, you said large and she said XS. Meet in the middle with a medium Xmas Grin

StayAChild · 08/12/2017 11:06

I have nothing sensible to add, but this thread has made me smile on this frosty morning. I think that was the most confusing opening post I've ever read on here.

Hope the t shirt fits OP. Flowers Imagine the confusion on Christmas morning if it's too big/too small. Whose fault will it be?

grimeofthecentury · 08/12/2017 11:08

She wants to be like "oh you're so silly telling me to buy an extra small!!!"

andpeggy29 · 08/12/2017 11:09

This is why
Giving cash is best

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/12/2017 11:12

Mountain and molehill.

Just reply and say yes, a medium would be great. Thanks.

No harm done. Don't let it rile you.

Monr0e · 08/12/2017 11:17

Just email her back

Not sure where you have got xs from, I said large as you can see from the original email here (copy email here)

However, yes either a medium or large in this brand would be fine

Then get on with your day. You say there is history. This will colour every interaction you have with her and make you think the worst even if there is no bad intention there. Try not to let it get to you. It is easily sorted and worse things happen at sea an all that

Viviennemary · 08/12/2017 11:19

I think it's easier not to buy clothes if this sort of thing is going to happen. In any cases sizes vary from one brand to another. Is XS not extra small. I'd find this a bit confusing too if a person was medium build.

But now re-read and you asked for large. Then I read a bit further and you said he is medium in this range. I'd forget about asking her to buy clothes. It's just too much hassle. Especially if it's all done by e-mail or text and not by phone or face to face. You both sound a bit like hard work. But aren't we all at times. Especially near Christmas.

Blackteadrinker77 · 08/12/2017 11:21

Monr0e
That is quite confrontational and not needed.

RestingGrinchFace · 08/12/2017 11:28

When you look led the URL it would have showed up with the smallest size highlighted on some websites like a John Lewis. Can you click the link yourself. I think that this a genuine misunderstanding.

melj1213 · 08/12/2017 11:28

OP this is a mountain out of a molehill situation.

Just send a message "Hi MIL, not sure where you got the XS mention from but it's definitely not suitable for DP. I did say large, as DP usually wears large, but having checked this company's sizing after your message it appears that he can wear either a medium or large in their ranges, so you can buy either."

nokidshere · 08/12/2017 11:29

Dear god really?

It doesn’t matter. You were the one who got it wrong. Say oh yes it should be medium thanks.

And at Christmas when she says ‘oh x almost made me get the wrong size’ you say ‘well thank goodness you spotted my mistake so we didn’t have to go through the rigmarole of changing it’

Monr0e · 08/12/2017 11:33

Blackteadrinker which part of my post was confrontational? Confused genuine question

HollyBollyBooBoo · 08/12/2017 11:40

Jeez- chill out! Just reply with what size you want her to buy.

You're just looking to make issues, grown up!

Ecureuil · 08/12/2017 11:44

I think there must be a huge back story here for you to automatically assume she’s making a passive aggressive dig rather that there just having been some confusion somewhere.