...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

[WazFlimFlam]

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

I'm willing to do a bit of research on behalf of MN. Please post the link here op, and I'll check out the XS theory.

The thing is, even if the website doesn't do that it's still just the MIL being dappy, surely? My MIL is queen of PA swipes (to DH's stepmother, whom he met a year after MIL left him for another man, over Christmas lunch: "So, do you not have any of your own family to spend Christmas with, then?" To me, when she arrived at our house for same, armed with bags and bags of food for the freezer: "Well, I know how YOU two eat, and I worry about my son..." I used to cook professionally, and food is really important to me) but this wouldn't strike me as a dig. I mean, sometimes she would do things like turn up with stuff from a charity shop, and say she hoped I didn't mind, and I could have assumed that was a dig - but it really wasn't. At that moment she was genuinely being kind. Or at least I always assumed she was. Ha, maybe it all goes over my head unless very overt! Which is a win for me, either way, surely?

Ha, maybe it all goes over my head unless very overt! Which is a win for me, either way, surely?

perfectstorm Me and you both. I'm rarely offended. Sometimes I'm not sure if offence was intended, but it's usually not and I'll give anybody the benefit of the doubt.

If it's obvious that offence is actually intended (which is rare) then I simply refuse to take it. One of my favourite quotes is from Coco Chanel. "I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all"

All this passive aggressive wrangling about who said what to whom, and how they said it, and finding insults in everyday errors of communication is so time and energy wasting. It's far more relaxing to just not care. Remain calm, and be nice. Know that you are the better person and you will be. It takes several years of practise but it really does work.

There is one confused idiot here and its not the MIL

All this over a bloody shirt! Christ. How do some people live?

I think I understand you OP.
MIL is trying to say that she knows her little boy the best and that you hardly know him at all. You don't even know what size shirt he is, of course he's not an extra small! Stupid woman can't even get that right and my little boy's giving her all his love and not me!

Is that it?

If so, I sympathise. This has happened to me before so I just left them to it as I would never be good enough (in her eyes) and he wouldn't even try and understand when I tried to explain all the PA BS to him

No.... I think you are trying to hard to see that she is making a fuss. She opened the link and the first size was an XS? She may have genuinely missed that you mentioned a large, which is really irrelevant since he IS a medium in that shirt and she is correct. She was just checking with you, and you've just seen malice where there is none?
You need to just confirm the actual size he needs and move on

I am quite amazed. Do you truly understand how much they are doing for you? Not only money saved, but loving care. Think about paid child care, and if you think it would be better just do it. You will notice the difference. If you upset them it will do untold harm. Of course you miss your child, that is not their fault. There is always some price to pay for family free child care, and it is usually worth it.I have done years of child care for very tactful and grateful parents. It is exhausting at times when you have already brought up your own family and are getting older. It is also a massive commitment. Mums usually know this and work with it. You should do the delivery and pick up. Most grandparents are happy to do it before they fully understand how big a job it is. Step back and look at their view

That's the only way I could see the OP getting upset about it? I don't understand any other reason to get upset tbh

I’m confused 🤷‍♀️

Also seems like a mountain out of a mole hill.

Oh god, I feel your pain. What comes across to me is that whatever history there is, it has put you on tenterhooks about everything.

I think you've been harshly dealt with by most posters, I get what you're saying. It feels to you like she's trying to frame you for suggesting XS, which then will be used against you in future in some way.

None of us know what you've had to put up with, but it is possible on this occasion that the link went to XS, or that she hasn't read it properly etc.

My dh is "narrowly built" but tall a v d I have bought or recommended stupidly small sizes for people without checking, with hilarious results. I found it funny but not sure anyone else did...... Maybe in your shoes I'd be tempted to say "Oh crikey, XS, maybe for a laugh if that's your idea of fun? But seriously, I initially thought large, but on reflection medium sounds good."

Then again, I

Gloria, me too. Works very well and makes life a lot simpler.

...... Need to learn to preview posts?

Ffs this is rediculous.

Tell her his correct size!

Try having my in laws...... then you'd have something to whine about!

Well if her aim was to wind you up - she’s certainly achieved it

Just send a message.

I thought DH needed a large, but having checked the previous one you bought was a medium - so I suspect that’ll be fine. Thanks.

Are you spending Christmas Day with her? What happens when one of you tries to serve the other some sprouts?

You: here's 6 sprouts MIL.
Her: can I have 7?
You: you usually have 6, are you saying that I'm thinking you're being greedy?
Her: actually I usually have 5.
Awkward silence.

Gazelda

Omg you sound ott. Just tell her the size and your post was ambiguous.

She hasn't read the email properly and it is likely that the link came up with the product page with XS automatically selected. Tell her he needs a large. I doubt it is deliberate.

Lol I think it is you that's struggling with the website OP

Clearly she has clicked your link and 'XS' has been the pre-selected size.

She thought you had sent her the link to the XS one indicating he wanted exactly that.

Surely if you used clothing websites often you'd know this frequently happens when you browse. Sometimes the smallest size is already selected.

When you link to an item of clothing you get the drop box to select the size and it sometimes defaults to the smallest till you have selected the correct one - could this be the problem?

Sorry babyturtles did not read yours but I agree!

What a ridiculous post. At least you still have a MIL. Mine died before either of the kids were born. Would love to have this issue. Wonder if you'd be so critical or if it were your mum or a friend of yours?!

You do sounds absolutely bonkers