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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this is deliberate? **Christmas related**

210 replies

WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:40

So yesterday, I sent MIL over some ideas for DH's Christmas present. One of these ideas was a t-shirt. Knowing how she fusses I was incredibly specific, I sent a URL to the specific design he likes, specifying that he needs a large.

Her response (copied from email):
Just double checking the size of the Tshirt: doesn’t DH not usually wear size MEDIUM ? XS not a little bit small?

I'm so cross I'm not sure how to respond. Do I pull her up on it, do I risk her 'misunderstanding' me further by responding?

I know this sounds nuts but I am dreading Xmas Day and me being 'blamed' for 'making her get the wrong size'. They once fussed for 1.5 hours about whether or not some shoes they bought him fitted.

I suggested this t-shirt as one of the few times they did get DH a gift off their own bat, it was from this particular online shop, with no input from us. So this isn't a confused older person thing (she is 59).

Do you think this is deliberate or a genuine misunderstanding?

Disclaimer: My MIL had asked for some present ideas, I didn't just send her a list of requests

Disclaimer 2: Yes there is background

Disclaimer 3: He is actually a medium in this range....

OP posts:
exexpat · 08/12/2017 08:53

Tbh, it sounds like she was right to check on the size if a) the link opened in an XS b) you suggested large and c) he usually wears a medium.

I'm presuming that due to the 'background' you mention you think this means she is deliberately making a fuss, but to an outsider this just seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to check before ordering.

PrincessoftheSea · 08/12/2017 08:53

Omg I am really dreading becoming a MILShock

Blodplod · 08/12/2017 08:53

Judging by the reply it looks like she’s confused by your specific instructions. I’m confused too! Especially the bit regards XS. I’m wondering if you read your email back you might be able to see where perhaps a typo or mistake was made or even the URL itself links to an XS.. either way it’s not worth getting into a flap about. Just simply email back ‘yes, sorry just to confirm and clarify in case of confusion it’s a large he needs in that shop’. Then forget about it. Life is waaaay too short.

KungFuEric · 08/12/2017 08:54

Maybe she is a horror, but this scenario isn't really illustrating that.

She's making a fuss because there is some confusion, one confirmation text from you would end it. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:55

Quite often my DCs send me links for items and it doesn't come up with the correct size, just the first on a drop down list.

Why would it come up with the 'correct size'?

OP posts:
Laiste · 08/12/2017 08:55

fluffy yes we have this too. For 10 years now we have the ''Really!?!? IS he??'' exclamation when she's told he needs L or XL because of his arms and shoulders.

KimmySchmidt1 · 08/12/2017 08:56

Good God woman you need a more difficult job if this is the sort of inane shite you worry about.

If she is going on about XS it sounds to me like when you sent over the URL the drop down menu reset to the first in the list (XS) and she has got confused.

Just tell her he needs a Large and if it doesnt fit he can take it back. If being blamed for something as tiny as that bothers you, you must have an incredibly empty life without responsibility.

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:57

The text of my original email said:

Dear MIL

[Blah blah blah]

DH would like:

This t-shirt in a large: www.xxx.etc

[Some other suggestions with links]

Looking forward to seeing you soon!

Waz x

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/12/2017 08:58

Oh, just tell her the right size ( I would have ordered large from your post) and leave it...

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2017 08:58

But now you say he's medium???

gamerchick · 08/12/2017 08:58

Just email her back with one word of the size. She can’t get it wrong then.

TheFairyCaravan · 08/12/2017 08:58

I’m dreading my boys getting married if this is what MILs have to put up with.

She has done absolutely nothing wrong. It seems to me to be a case of she’s damned if she does and she’s damned if she doesn’t. I think you’re just looking for something to pick holes at with her tbf.

If you’re so cross about this, god help you if something really goes wrong with Christmas.

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 08:58

Nanny0gg you should have ordered large, that's what I told her!!

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 08/12/2017 08:58

Just tell her the correct size. There isn't an issue here so stop trying to make one.

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2017 08:59

You sound like hard work.
You told her the wrong size.

Laiste · 08/12/2017 08:59

My lap top wont load the page. Saying site taking too long - too busy. 100s of MNers wanting to see the T shirt Grin

Blodplod · 08/12/2017 09:00

Does it really matter? In the whole scheme of things is it really worth all of this time and effort. Just reply with the right size and a smiley face. Jeez...

KungFuEric · 08/12/2017 09:00

I think what some people are getting at op is that a lot of online stores have no size assigned until you select one/open the drop down box.

Other sites will automatically assign you a size, usually the smallest or the first size they have in stock (a size 12 if the 8 and 10 are sold out) if you aren't particularly familiar with sites that present their range in this way, and you received a particular URL link from a relative directing you to buy a specific item (in the wrong size anyway!) then yeah it will cause confusion.

It's not significant, just a little oopsy blip moment, nothing that needs to raise so much antagonism.

BonnesVacances · 08/12/2017 09:00

Well it sounds like it was a good job she did check the size after all as she needs to buy a M but you told her to get a L. So now you can tell her to buy a M and all's well that ends well.

If you feel the need to point it out, you can say the link defaults to XS anyway but a M would be fine for DH in that range.

Zoomaa · 08/12/2017 09:00

Well I'm presuming there's a lot of back story here because otherwise you are sounding a bit.... unhinged.... but essentially what happened is this:

You asked her to buy a t shirt in a size. She queried the size. She was right.

Erm.....?

Original poster
WazFlimFlam · 08/12/2017 09:00

TBH a large would still fit fine.

The point is it doesn't matter whether or not I told her the wrong size, she has completely ignored what I told her, and tried to make out I suggested an extra small.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/12/2017 09:02

Then don’t let it get to you. Just correct her and don’t help her with presents next year. She’s on her own.

TheFairyCaravan · 08/12/2017 09:03

Let it go for heaven’s sake.

She hasn’t bought the t-shirt. She only double checked which was bloody sensible.

Are you always this hard work?

SunnyCoco · 08/12/2017 09:03

But you told her the wrong size
She queried it
She was right
Just confirm the size and move on with your life
Jesus wept

Enko · 08/12/2017 09:03

The point is she is trying to suggest I have suggested an Extra Small. Which I obviously haven't.

Or she could have made a typo and gone XS not XL its not that far fetched to think.

Just respond back "Hey Mil a medium is the right size for this brand yes, see you soon" then give it no more thought.