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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did you stop at two children?

218 replies

TwinklyGiraffe · 22/11/2017 21:52

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 22/11/2017 22:00

My house won't fit anymore in, there's two of us and two if them do we can easily have one each or both if one of us needs downtime. Two hands to hold crossing roads etc etc. More than anything we couldn't afford another and I don't think it's fair to compromise the existing children's home security by having another hypothetical child. Occasionally I wistfully think of another then come back to earth with a bump. The grass isn't greener!

jarhead123 · 22/11/2017 22:01

Having a boy & girl and also money wise. Had we had any more children I don't think life would be as comfortable with things like holidays, swimming lessons etc

punicorn · 22/11/2017 22:02

No I never felt 'done' after 2 but I knew that any more would have been seriously hard work. I took the view that any more would have impacted greatly on the 2 I already had and it was better to concentrate on them than to throw another little person into the mix. Age gap would have been quite big between DC2 and DC3 as well and I'd still be parenting into early middle age! I'm too old now and eldest DC has just gone off to college so kind of wish now I had gone for a third, but I just remind myself of the above when I think like this!

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 22/11/2017 22:02

We have two, we stopped because we felt two is enough to have an easyish life, two hands, two seats in the back of the car, two bedrooms.....
and I’m exhausted!

BakedBeans47 · 22/11/2017 22:03

Yes I feel done for sure. My sanity is hanging by a thread at the best of times and I couldn’t cope with more laundry!

I have 2 boys.

MassDebate · 22/11/2017 22:03

Definitely done:

DH and I can divide and conquer with 2.

I feel like I can just about divide my attention between them without either being unduly neglected.

I have no wish to put my body through pregnancy or childbirth again. It's in decent shape now but I think having a third might be a step too far!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 22/11/2017 22:03

Jeeze u need to ask?!

Figgygal · 22/11/2017 22:04

Lifestyle choice - I want my children to have experiences and opportunity and standard of living which we simply couldn't achieve if we had 3 children. House and car wouldn't be big enough for a start.

Also worry about risk of health issues to me or the child which could impact existing children's lives.

Doilooklikeatourist · 22/11/2017 22:05

Because I’m one of 3 and it wasn’t good ( so I wanted either 2 or 4 , and 2 was definitely enough )
I had a boy and a girl
I felt my body wouldn’t cope having anymore
Two is perfect , 😀

Ttbb · 22/11/2017 22:05

Simply cannot afford more at the moment. Husband has brought up having a third in fivevto ten years time if things go as planned but at the moment I don't feel like having another.

minipie · 22/11/2017 22:06

DH and I are both one of two. We always wanted two. Never understood why anyone wants more tbh (not criticising, just saying it's never been even a slight desire for me). Two gives each a sibling without the added logistical and financial challenges of having three or more.

We have two and I am so done.

Cockmagic · 22/11/2017 22:06

I stopped at one

Can't afford another

Closetlibrarian · 22/11/2017 22:06

Stopped because I knew in my head we were done, even if my hormones sometimes told me otherwise. I didn't want to endure another pregnancy (although I wouldn't mind giving birth again as I quite liked that bit!). I didn't want to go through the newborn sleeplessness/ feeding thing again and basically having no life beyond nappies and leaking boobs for months. I didn't want to be on maternity leave again - in part because I didn't really enjoy the first two mat leaves and also because I didn't want to take yet another hit on my career by another period off work. I'm getting on a bit (as is DH) and another child would have meant I was at least 60 before they went to university. We can't really afford another one. We have two healthy, lovely children who so far seem to get on ok, why risk messing that up? Plus, any more and me and DH would be outnumbered.

I had a brief period of broodiness when DC2 was about 9 months old. I cured myself by selling ALL the baby stuff. Sort of helped to get rid of the temptation!

sausagepastapot · 22/11/2017 22:07

Totally agree with all PP; one kid per parent, two hands, two bedrooms, two car seats, holidays generally designed for 4...and also I'm exhausted and my sanity is teetering on the edge...one more and that'd be that!

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 22/11/2017 22:07

no spare room
no spare money
no spare energy

Claireshh · 22/11/2017 22:07

We tried for a third. I found out I was pg a month to the day after my dad died. It felt right and so wonderful to have something to look forward to. Sadly I had to have an ERPC as the pg didn’t progress properly. Some time later I found out I was pregnant again. There were two egg sacks bit sadly that pregnancy ended in miscarriage too. I simply couldn’t go through it again. I got a puppy instead. My husband and I both would love a third but i’m 41 now and my youngest is 6 so the gap seems too big. I’ll always regret not being able to have a third.

NoSquirrels · 22/11/2017 22:08

I don't think I "felt" done - heart of hearts I would have 3- but 1) didn't think relationship would survive another! 2) didn't think we could long-term afford another (housing, opportunities etc) 3) didn't want a bigger age gap than 2.5 years so the decision made itself.

I also worried about having a child with more needs than we could cope with - I knew we were so fortunate to have healthy DC and a third felt like a gamble.

mumontherun14 · 22/11/2017 22:08

I've got 2 a boy and a girl too who are now 13 and 10. I would have loved another one but finances and changing jobs meant we didn't have a lot of security and I felt it was better to concentrate on the 2 I already had. Fast forward a few years and things are much more settled and I definitely felt the pangs before turning 40 but thought it would be too big a gap -11 years. Plus my mum is ill with dementia and I help a lot too look after her. Also my sister is due soon so we'll have a brand new niece or nephew close by. I absolutely adore my 2 and get lots of time with them and my son now has got into a competitive team sport so we have the time to take him to all his practices and watch him compete - my daughter looks after a horse which she loves - things that would be tricky now with a baby in tow and we'd maybe struggle to afford . My 2 get on really well most of the time but I know already the teenage years will be a challenge and I often look back with fondness to their younger years and would love to do it all again. Sometimes takes a while to come to terms with what's right for your own circumstances xxx

TheSnowFairy · 22/11/2017 22:09

Because I’m one of 3 and it wasn’t good ( so I wanted either 2 or 4 , and 2 was definitely enough )

I was one of two, wasn't good so wanted (and had) 3.

Catabogus · 22/11/2017 22:09

Because childbirth was even more agonising the second time than the first, and I’m still in the process of having my body repaired months later.

redexpat · 22/11/2017 22:09

We have one with autism. Your chances of havibg another increase when you already have one. Although younger dd isnt showing any symptoms yet. Would love a 3rd but it wouldnt be in ds interests.

FatRedCrayon · 22/11/2017 22:10

We always said two would be nice. We were fortunate and had two. I’m occasionally wistful for a third but I’m too old and I love the ones I have. Besides, the first one nearly broke me and I couldn’t do that again!

I think it’s natural to wonder ‘what if’. If I had no.3 I’d probably wonder the same about no.4, and so on...

BroomstickOfLove · 22/11/2017 22:11

I was insanely broody for a year after DC2 was born, and then on his first birthday it completely went away, and I knew that I was done. Partly for practical reasons but mostly because I just knew that what I had was enough.

Littlecaf · 22/11/2017 22:11

Three means a bigger house & car which we would struggle to do
Flatlining career for another few years
Impact on my body
I’d be nearly 40 or over and all the associated medical risks to me and baby

Fundamentally I don’t want 3.

I know in my heart of hearts while I love my boys completely, if there was a third and it was another boy, I’d be disappointed.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 22/11/2017 22:11

Had very easy pregnancies & very quick but extremely painful births-when I hear people say they can't remember the pain I think, bullshit & certainly wouldn't wish to push another one out of my fanjo Hmm
Also would've needed bigger house & car, holidays tend to be geared towards families of 4 & I've more than got my hands full with the 2 we've got.
Lastly, babies are so very boring & fucking hard work.

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