Why did you stop at two children?

[TwinklyGiraffe]

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

I'm absolutely rubbish at giving birth. First time round I ended up in high dependency; second time round DS ended up in Neonatal Intensive Care and then SCBU. DH and I decided that we'd be pushing our luck going for a third.

Too old, too fat, too poor is the glib answer. 2 is the right number for us. They both get lots of individual attention which means they both feel secure and helps them have a good relationship with each other. We each have a bit of time for our relationship and ourselves which I think we would struggle with if there were 3.

I have two and I'm done.

It was always going to be two as I'm an only child and hated/hate it, DH is one of four and didn't want to repeat that either. Now we have two I am even more sure of our decision.
We don't have the time, finances, or space for more. With no family to help I feel like my sanity is often hanging by a thread, and I struggle to keep on top of the kid's care and activities, household management, DIY, and running my business as well as keeping in touch with the people I need/want to. I feel like the DCs are constantly competing for my attention and that I don't have enough to give them. Another would mean a bigger car and would make holidays harder. We wouldn't be able to divide and conquer. Finally DD2 and I are pretty lucky to both be here mostly unscathed after a pretty dicey birth, there is no way I'm rolling that dice again.

My sister had babies and I realised I didnt want to go back to the baby stage, as much as I love cuddling babies and making them laugh etc, I just dont want another one myself

Have a boy and girl
Both labours had complications
Gap would be too big DS 10 dd 8
Baby wouldn't work in the family mix...i.e taking a baby to the cinema
The list goes on.
However, if someone could hand me another 4 year old I would love it, just don't think I could face night feeds with a baby at nearly 39!

And that's why lots of people stop at two - circumstances. If I'd been able to permanently give up work and stay at home, or won the lottery or something, I'd have had more, but we needed my income to raise the two of them in the way we wanted to and could afford to.

I was quite old starting, 36 when DS was born and nearly 40 by the time dd came along ... One of each is good, 3 bedrooms so that suits, DH is an only and I'm the youngest of 7 but more like an only as a big gap, so kind of used to smaller groups. Just really happy with two and couldn't imagine having three (or more!).

We thought we were done after 1, as I had a hellish labour. Then had a surprise 2nd,but during that pregnancy dh had a brake down at the thought of another hellish labour. But it was all fine but there was no way we could go through it again. He had the snip and I as had really heavy periods and had a endometrial abolition we are definitely done! 😂 I love a baby and all that, but no any more for me.

I would like one more but no room atm

Wanted 2 and got them first time around, then couldn’t face the prospect another set of twins.

Not that there is anything wrong with having 2 sets of twins, or more. It just made me freak out even thinking about it.

As soon as ds arrived, I just utterly knew my family was complete.

Didn't want to go through childbirth again (DS1's birth was pretty horrible, DS2's much better and wanted to quit while ahead!

Like to have a (relatively) calm and peaceful home

Wanted to get back to work once DC all at school

Wanted to give DC opportunities I didn't have as a child, and a bedroom of their own - would have been much harder with three

As DSes became older, it was clear they had a very strong bond - wary of upsetting that or potential DC3 being left out

Another boy would have killed me (I know not every boy is boisterous / physical / always on the go etc - but mine sure as hell are)

Money

But ultimately the clincher was that I just wasn't broody after DS2. If I had been (DH was keen on a third, it was me who said no), we would have ignored all the above!

I've got two. I didn't want any! The gap between mine is huge, 19 and 6 and I am also 48. I don't and never will regret my children but why anybody would want more than one is beyond me, I have to be honest. However, I am admittedly not remotely maternal in terms of the fact I never had the urge to have children and never longed for them. I am so glad I did though, they are both amazing and have enriched my life beyond description. Three though? Nope!

And that's why lots of people stop at two - circumstances

Exactly this. I have two and would have liked to have more, but my firstborn has learning disabilities. We didn't know the extent of her problems until after my second dd was born and every day was a struggle. Fortunately my second dd was a content and easy baby,
for which I am truly grateful. There was really no option of having a 3rd. I wouldn't have managed. I don't know about done, but I felt done in.

Because the planet wouldn't thank me for a third.

Reading with interest....been wondering the same thing myself.

I have two, both DD's and currently aged one and two (17 months apart). I was very late to parenthood by most peoples standards, 42 when my first was born, 43 with my second.

I would love another but there's several factors for me. Firstly my age, 44. I was so lucky to conceive both my pregnancies naturally, not sure if that extra year will make a difference. Secondly two under three is really hard work, not sure I could manage three under four. Thirdly my sleep (or lack of), my life and my finances haven't recovered from the first two yet so maybe a third would be a bad idea.

The jury is still out atm.

BSJ

The people I know with 3 or more kids live very hectic lives. It seems to involve lots of juggling, logistics and time management. I’m not saying they are not happy, it’s just not for me. 2 is a far more manageable. You still get a bit of breathing space.
Also, too many stitches in my foof. It is starting to look a bit Frankenstein’s monster down there. I shudder to think what a third would do

DD2 didn't sleep for longer than 45 minutes between the ages of 5 months and 1 year. And didn't sleep through the night until she was 3. (Health issues that were sorted out but left her unable to settle herself

That put me right off!

But really what everyone else said, practicalities, opportunities etc

This planet has more than enough people on it. Replace yourself, or have fewer - more than that is amoral in this day and age - we decided not to have more because of the environmental impact of large families.

1. Money, we want to move and when I go on maternity leave we end up getting in debt.

1. I had two rubbish labours, I don't want to do it again.

It's nothing to do with feeling complete or finished, I do have a boy and a girl but having both the same sex would not have changed my mind either. It's just being realistic (well the money side of things anyway)

Have two boys. A third child, especially a girl, would be lovely.
But my two boys have almost broken me, physically (difficult births) and mentally (they’re super boisterous and stubborn creatures). Ratio of two parents to two kids is just about doable, I can’t fathom where I’d fit in the energy to deal with a third.
Not to mention the fact that bedrooms, cars and holidays are a lot more difficult with three unless you have a shitload of money which we definitely don’t.
Also I’m almost too old now. I didn’t have my first until 35. If time was on my side i might feel differently.

We stopped at two on doctor's advice as I had preterm labour with both my sons plus a miscarriage about a year later. DS1 born at 33 weeks, DS2 tried to come at 25, but we were able to 'hold him off' until 37 with complete bedrest and meds. The miscarriage was at about 12 weeks. The doctor could find no reason for any of it, but advised us that it was probably best to stop. Did we feel 'done'? Another one would have been nice, but we've never felt a 'lack' because we stopped trying.

Too tired.

Don't want to contribute any further to overpopulation.

@littlecaf

I know in my heart of hearts while I love my boys completely, if there was a third and it was another boy, I’d be disappointed.

Funny you should say this. I know several women who had 2 boys and they actually wanted a girl. They love their boys but were always a little blue about never having that longed-for daughter. So they never wanted to have a third in case it was another boy.

One woman I know had 2 boys, then had a third that was a boy, and she cried for 3 days, as she was convinced she was having a girl. The poor lad has grown up knowing he was a massive disappointment to his mother.

I know also 2 families with 4 boys each, where the mother was desperate for a girl, and she has made no secret of her disappointment at not having a girl. Making them insecure young men who have found it hard to form normal relationships.

I also know one young woman who wants a girl, and said if her first born is a boy, she is having no more, as there is no WAY she is having 2 boys. She (and me too,) know so many brothers who hate each other, or who just don't get on, or who simply have no relationship. Brothers getting on really well is the exception rather than the rule. Have to say also, that no-one should feel bad about having only one child. I know way more siblings (brothers AND sisters,) who hate each other, or who just have no relationship at all, than I do siblings who get on really well...

I do 'get' why people stop at 2. The logistics seem a lot better. Everything seems to be geared up to families of 4. Holidays, and cars, homes, hotel rooms, etc, and you would need 2 adults with 3 or more young children for things like swimming etc etc. Then there's less laundry, less mess, less noise, less money to find for Christmas presents. Imagine having to buy Christmas presents for 4 or 5 kids?!