Why did you stop at two children?

[TwinklyGiraffe]

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

I desperately wanted two and I'm so pleased I do have two amazing DC.

The idea of another fills me with fear. I even had a nightmare about having a +ve pregnancy test the other day and it being an unwanted pregnancy and trying to decide what to do. It felt so real

So I know, I'm definitely done!

DH wanted 2 boys. We had 2 boys. He was happy. I would have liked a third but still wanted another boy. DH didn't want any more so he had a vasectomy at 27.

@stompythedinosaur Glad to see there's another unlikely contingency planner on the thread! I do now find myself wondering where you live that crocodiles are a potential hazard. I'm picking Queensland, Australia, or Florida.

Money

#2 was adopted, and we didn't want to go through that again

I wouldn't want any child of mine to be a middle child

Money. They're cheapish when little as fewer activities and social demands, no uni fees etc but I'm already seeing how a school aged child just sucks money out of you (wrap around care, various activities, clothes - much is optional but its nice to have the option!), let alone a teen. Nursery is our biggest expense and it will end soon. The rest just gets more expensive. With 2 we can have a small car, easy holidays and less stuff! And we can save a little for each of them each month so they have a small nest egg when they grow up for travel or whatever. Would be hard for us with 3.

Time. I have one dc at school and one at nursery. The dc at school needs so much time from us when he's not there for help with homework, reading, going to activities, etc and school always has some event or other on thay we try to attend if possible (we both work). That x 3 would be too much for me.

Age at the other end. I don't want to have a 15 year old when I'm 55. I will have a 19 year old and a 23 year old. Id like to have time and money to enjoy that part of my life as an adult rather than as a mum with kids at home.

Being able to each have plenty of time to ourselves. At the moment we can easily get babysitters. Friends with 3 find their family members are less keen. We also each go out with friends regularly, leaving the 2 kids with the other. Looking after 2 is easy. 3 less so. We both go on trips away for a few days with friends and it's no major stress for then other. My sister and friends with 3 find it a mich bigger deal.

Environmental impact. 2 is bad enough but 3 is more than replacing yourselves. Having fewer children is a big way we can all reduce climate change and overpopulation. Controversial but true.

Biology, three miscarriages after DD, it turned out DD has ASD, so when that became apparent, no 3, would probably have been too much, so two were fine.

Because being pregnant sucked the life out of me, two different sexes, all day sickness from start to finish with both.

I said to another Mum the other day I really didn't enjoy the early days as I was trying to recover whilst sleep deprived etc. If they could be born at 2 I'd have had more, I really enjoyed from maybe 18 months to 2 years. I totally love they're both fully independent so you don't have to pack half your house for a day out or visit somewhere. Although I have my staples that fit into a cloth bag.

Ex H wasn't the most empathetic with the HG. He'd still want foods where the smell alone would have me locked in the bathroom for 2 hours. Not to mention garlic breath. Garlic was a big no go, my continental ex adds 3 cloves to anything and everything. Good for vampire protection, not good for HG.

Pregnant with #2 at the moment but I’m done. Main issue is money. I want to be able to provide for them and save for their future as much as possible. Also we have family all over the world and travel with 2 adults/3 kids becomes more complicated. We do 1-2 long haul family visits a year and the cost just skyrockets if you need 2 hotel rooms, 5 seats on the plane, 2 taxis, etc.

Will have two DDs and actually keen for them to share a room even though we have 3 bedrooms. Am I odd? Noticed a few people saying they don’t want 3 kids because of need to share.

I don't know if this is just me but when relatives or friends have babies from BF I still get pain near them, like my body is ready to turn into a milk factory again.

I feel like I missed out on some of the new fads. I never tracked my bump or did a photo a day of baby. We didn't have slings that I know of, both hated the baby Bjorn carrier. Cloth nappies weren't a thing, although that on top of BF might have killed me.

I've got a photo BF my eldest where I'm so tired, my eyes are open but I look asleep.

Youngest is doing about family life & came out with did you know they used to drug children in the 1800's. I said my parents did it, they had to ban medised & cough medicine as people were using it to get some sleep. Everyone was raving how one medicine was AMAZING, my DC when they needed it actually ended up more awake.

Ideally we would have had one more but I am so done with pregnancy, labour. I've just started uni so if we decided let's go for it that's off the cards for at least 3 years. Plus DH is older than me and doesn't want to be a dad again in his mid 40s, I don't want to be having a baby in my late 30s (33 now). We have travelling/big holiday plans when I have graduated and also really enjoying the time we have with dc now and just generally having a good life/home/work balance. Dc are 4 and 9, they're amazing and I feel blessed to have them so I'm stopping there!

Thanks for all the stories on this thread!

Have really enjoyed reading the comments and feel much more normal at ‘only having the two!’

I love the newborn stage and cuddles and think it might perhaps be that I want rather than another person in our house!

Maybe time for a dog!

Another thought. If you have another there's always a chance of twins or triplets. Then it's a whole new ball game. I would have loved twins when I had my first but then when I had my second it's a thought that panicked me. Although my best friend has four and says her twins were so much easier than the other two

I always wanted two. Turned out two was all I could cope with, the toddler/baby years almost broke me!

Now with two young teens I am financially very glad we only have two. They are cost a fortune (and this is not designer gear, best phones etc but school trips/uniforms/lunches etc - eating out as a family is really expensive now they are having adult meals some of the time). Not to mention looking forward a couple of years, driving lessons, Uni fees etc.

I’m happy with two

THE FUCKING LAUNDRY

Money
Guilt - I hate having to make DD wait for my time and attention while I attend to the baby
Tiredness. So bloody tired already.
Logistics - its hard enough arranging meals and naps for one around nursery runs and appointments, never mind 2.
Space, we have a decent sized house for a family of 4 but no more.
My poor 36 year old body couldn't cope with any more. Spd, morning sickness, fatigue, a dreadful tear, shit c section recovery, breastfeeding, no sleep no sleep no sleep. That for me is the main reason, everything else I could maybe get past or work around but I cannot do pregnancy and birth and the newborn stage again. It would break me.

In all seriousness, I have girls (two here, one sadly stillborn at term) so know there is a strong chance the next would be another girl- lovely, but kind of surplus to requirements :) and I don't yearn for a boy enough to take a punt.

Also my MH couldn't take another pregnancy

Also the worry that the child would not be healthy and the impact on our lives

Also someone (on here??) telling me baby no3 is sometimes referred to as 'the marriage wrecker'

I think it's better for my dc really - more siblings means more stretching of time, money, attention. I know I couldn't give them what they need if I had more.

And selfishly, I don't want to put my body, my marriage or my mental health through it again.

"One's not enough, three's too many"
The old saying rang very true for me. It would mean a lower standard of living/less quality time for the two I have. Love the little sods too much.

I know people with lots of children will argue that it doesn't work like that... but for me it just would.

I'm another one who thinks about survival situations. if this boat sinks, I can save 2 children...

In reality the considerations were more mundane. Money and my poor little beaten wreck of a body.

In fact I have a plan to heal my body and make it strong again and I'm really pleased it won't take another battering.

I am done. I wanted two girls, I got two girls. I have a career back on track but am still able to work part time and spend individual time with them. We could afforded three but our youngest was a terrible sleeper and didn't ever sleep through til she was four. I love my husband very much but not sure our marriage would have survived tbf

Because, although I wanted 3 (and still do sometimes) the reality was that I was on my knees with 2 when they were little and couldn't have coped with a third then and later, when I was ready again, dh didn't really want a third.

^^That is the reason. Now that I'm (mostly) over my longing for a third I do recognise that having a third would have meant a considerable reduction in our standard of living. As toddlers they were cheap, now as almost teens really not so much. We would have had a roof over our heads and food on the table but our quality of life would be less (activities, holidays, trips bowling or to the cinema). More importantly I would be far more stressed trying to juggle 3 childrens timetables and needs, it would be harder for me to work and I'd be worried about finding the money to help them through university (contribution to living expenses). That's a big deal to me because I always swore my children would get as much education as the wanted.

I don’t feel done (I have 2) but when I think of the benefits of having two I can’t have a third! I can lavish two with all my time and attention if they need it, I can afford all the clubs they want, it’s easy to find good holiday accommodation, they are brilliant friends and no one gets left out, they can both have a friend over to stay, for us the dynamic works well. I have two hands....

Dealing with the teenager is very very hard going. Hopefully no2 will be easier going at that stage. Thank god there’s not a no3 waiting in the wings....

It wasn't worth the risk that we would return the Dark Lord into this realm, we had been lucky twice.

Seriously purely time, money, energy and most cakes come as 4s.

I was one of 3 so finding something for 5 was tricky or involved my mum doing some complicated geometry to divide it up.

We stopped at 2 because honestly? I don’t think we would have the mental capacity to deal with anymore. Not only that we’d need a new car, we’d need to move house. It would be a massive upheaval for all of us and I don’t have enough energy for it as it is.

I’m happy with our family of 4. I feel like now I’m done with pregnancy and babies (youngest now 2) I can start concentrating on other things as well as the dc we already have.