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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why did you stop at two children?

218 replies

TwinklyGiraffe · 22/11/2017 21:52

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

OP posts:
Piffpaffpoff · 22/11/2017 23:24

Because we were both nearly 40 when Dc2 arrived, we have two healthy children and I had two relatively uneventful pregnancies - we decided that that was pretty good going and not to chance our luck with a third. If we’d been 5 years younger the outcome might have been different but I’ve never regretted it.

Areyoufree · 22/11/2017 23:29

Because of all of the aforementioned logistics. But I am sooooo broody. I want another baby. Although I am not sure about another child...

MummySparkle · 22/11/2017 23:36

I have a boy and a girl & they are both health and gorgeous. I'm not sure I'm 'done' I do still feel broody. In my heart I would like another. In my head I know I can't. We have a 3 bedroom house so they'd have to share, financially we can't afford it and, the biggest factor, I was so mentally unwell after having both of these two that it wouldn't be fair to go through that again. My two are old enough now that their mum being hospitalised would really affect them. And frankly I'm not sure I'd survive it. Maybe in the future when life is dofferent, but for now 2 is it.

puddleduckmummy · 22/11/2017 23:37

Would have another tomorrow! But right now not financially viable/sensible. Have 1 boy and 1 girl. If we are financially settled in next 5 years we’ll have another but I would also like to foster so that’s our other option. I’d have a rugby team if we had the space!

Dixiestampsagain · 22/11/2017 23:43

I was very subtly (not) told on the operating table when they were trying to sew me back together after the birth of DC 2 that my insides were so much of a mess there was no way I could carry another child, so that decision was made for me. I’d already had fertility treatment and a number of miscarriages, so chances of a third baby would have been slim anyway. Plus, lack of money/space etc.

Bunnyjo · 22/11/2017 23:45

Why did I stop at two children?

I developed pre-eclampsia with DD (my first) and tore my anterior cruciate and medial ligaments when pregnant with DS (my second). After an operation and months/years of physio/crutches/medication, my knee is still unstable.

When my children were younger, I may have considered having a third, had I been in better health. They are now 10 and 6, and I have no desire or inclination to have another child and risk further illness/injury.

I consider myself lucky to have two happy and healthy children and I feel my family is complete, whatever that means...

samebasicsize · 22/11/2017 23:46

Only one DC here but it is utterly irresponsible/selfish to have more than two.
No one needs more than one, two is fine but any more is ridiculous with the state of the environment/the economy etc

Oblomov17 · 22/11/2017 23:48

Only ever wanted 2. Definitely felt 'done'. Have medical condition and so was lucky to have 2.

SciFiFan2015 · 22/11/2017 23:51

Didn't plan on having any. Had two. Desperate for another but almost died after last one so DH is out for that reason.

Dixiestampsagain · 22/11/2017 23:52

Actually, forgot to include the part that I never had the desire to have more than two. Having one child was amazing, the second was just a fantastic bonus!

justabigdisco · 22/11/2017 23:55

Following. I've been thinking about posting the exact same thread. I've got 2 girls aged 5 and 2. In an ideal world I'd have another, but OH doesn't want any more. All the practical reasons tell me to stop at 2 but I worry that one day I'll think 'you should have just gone for it'. But also totally agree with what others have said about wanting to concentrate efforts on the ones you have, and quitting while you're ahead with 3 healthy children. Also I don't particularly enjoy the pre school stages, it's such hard graft. And not sure my marriage would survive another.

Just wish I felt 'done' like so many others seem to. I'm one of 4 and always wanted 3 but I don't think it will be happening.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/11/2017 23:55

I never wanted children. Until I did, then I was pregnant within the month. Then I only ever wanted one... until I wanted another and it was a long long road of miscarriages and treatment.

I have two beautiful girls and I would love a third child. I have names and almost identities picked out Grin

But DH is done... so we’re done. Also, I would like to have a career rather than just a job I guess.... if I have to.

(Still feel the longing though!)

tararabumdeay · 23/11/2017 00:00

Two children was the normal thing to do when I was young. It was a 2.4 family dynamic in this country.

To have more than two children felt common, hippy or affluent.

What's the point of having another child with a man who can not provide for the children he has? This is the story I have had to deal with.

T00much · 23/11/2017 00:00

My age Sad

TammySwansonTwo · 23/11/2017 00:04

Because I have twins and don't want to risk more multiples ;)

I'm facing a hysterectomy but have to decide if I want more kids first. I don't see how I could manage more but don't want to rush into deciding this for sure by making it impossible

DiscoDeviant · 23/11/2017 00:08

I ummed and ahhed about having a second as my marriage wasn't good but I wanted DS1 to have a sibling and I wanted another baby. I remember the day I had DS2, they layed him on me and I looked down and felt my family was now complete, I felt done. It was very definite.

GrimDamnFanjo · 23/11/2017 00:14

I so wanted 3. Had 4 pregnancies and 2 DD. Secondary infertility between 1 &4 meant we ran out of time. Grateful for my two.

Jojopugh · 23/11/2017 00:19

Mh husband doesn't want anymore and I would be reluctant as I do not carry well and my youngest had really Nasty lactose and protein intolerance (she is much better now she is 3.

I feel lucky they are happy, healthy and we are content with that. Sometimes it makes me a bit sad to think I'm not going to be pregnant again, however I wouldn't miss the hyperemisis I had.

I kind of think two hands two babies..

DiegoMadonna · 23/11/2017 00:25

I know way more siblings (brothers AND sisters,) who hate each other, or who just have no relationship at all, than I do siblings who get on really well

This definitely depends on your individual social circle. I don't know a single person who hates their sibling/s. I'd say I know two of my closest 7 or 8 friends are not so close to their siblings (although no ill feeling, just not best mates), and almost everyone else I know is very close to theirs. Myself and all my in-laws included. Two of my best friends asked their brothers to be their best men at their weddings.

weeblueberry · 23/11/2017 00:25

We’ve got two and I’m definitely done.

We can’t afford any more.
I didn’t enjoy the baby bit and got quite bad PND I’d rather not repeat.
They’re just starting to sleep well and be independent and I’m not sure id want to go back to the ‘never having time to myself’ stage.
I don’t want to take another maternity leave.
My kids are so so close I don’t want to rock the boat with their relationship by adding in another.
Don’t want to do childbirth again.
Having two means my partner and I can divide and conquer when need be.
Far harder to get someone to babysit three kids...

There are more reasons. Those are the biggies for me. And yes, after my second was born I felt done.

DeepPileTinsel · 23/11/2017 00:28

Because two are hard enough work as it is. We have a 2 year gap and your youngest is almost 3. We do occasionally get broody and then we’ll spend the afternoon refereeing and all thoughts of number 3 are gone.

FusionChefGeoff · 23/11/2017 00:28

Money Sad

MrsCharlieD · 23/11/2017 00:28

We have 2 boys. I'm definitely done, as is dh. We have a 3 bed house so everyone has a room, another child would mean 2 sharing and I don't want that. Plus from a career perspective, my mat leaves have affected my career progression, a such as it pains me to say. I feel a 3rd would stall it completely. We're also looking forward to the time when we're not paying childcare that is double our mortgage payment every month and can start saving and planning some big family trips to the states.

Lastly, both my children have suffered birth defects, that although not life limiting, have meant their early lives were fraught with stress, worry, operations and countless hospital appointments. I don't want to go through that again and risk.the chance of having a child with a very serious condition that could be life limiting or threatening. We are definitely done at 2.

vwlphb · 23/11/2017 00:56

I find this quite a weird question! Not that there's anything wrong with having three (or more) other than the environmental considerations, but I can't honestly see what family advantages three would have over two. I mean, I understand every child brings joy, but in a mathematical calculation, I can't see what difference it makes.

Two seems like a perfect balance to me - sibling companionship, no only/middle child syndrome, more money to go around, don't have to upsize vehicle/house, if you work it's less effect on your career. For a third, I'd be worried about getting twins and ending up with four.

Security-wise, two is also so much easier to manage. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but if I was out with my two kids (3 and 5) and I found myself in a dangerous/emergency situation, I could pick one child up in each arm and get out of there. A third kid and I'd be struggling to hang onto them all.

Same could apply with trips to the swimming pool, beach, amusement park, into the city etc, where you have a lot of hazards and need to be able to keep smaller children basically within arm's reach at all times. Unless you have another adult with you, the logistics for that sort of thing becomes really challenging with three, so it restricts your world.

I only ever wanted two, and even though I had easy pregnancies, never felt tempted by a third for one second.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/11/2017 01:00

One of the big reasons for me to stop at 2 kids is that if be able to rescue them both in an emergency e.g. fire or needing to escape from crocodiles.

Also that we can offer a much better life to 2 kids than 3. Our 2 can go on holiday, do pretty much whichever activities, have a room each etc.

Also I couldn't face the awful non-sleeping newborn bit again.

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