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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did you stop at two children?

218 replies

TwinklyGiraffe · 22/11/2017 21:52

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

OP posts:
ToesInWater · 23/11/2017 22:08

I was explaining to ds1 (9 at the time) all the benefits of there just being two children in a family in response to him asking for a sister for the millionth time (he had a brother) when I realised my period was late. He got his sister! Rationally there are loads of reasons for sticking to two but sometimes nature has other plans.

Oysterbabe · 23/11/2017 22:20

We'd have to move house.
I can grab one in each hand.
I'm late 30s.
It would mean having to budget whereas now we're pretty comfortable.
We'd need a bigger car.
We have one of each.
Each child gets plenty of attention.
No middle child syndrome to worry about, we have our PFB and our baby of the family.

backinthatdress · 23/11/2017 22:23

I have 2, girl who's 6 and a boy who's 4.

My youngest has autism, I love him so much but I don't want to knowing have another child and there being a possibility of my next having autism. I'd never forgive myself if I did it and bring another child into this word that may have the possibility of having a severe autism.

My daughters NT, and there isn't anyone's else in the family with autism on either sides so my son is the first so I didn't even think it would be a possibility when I was having a second.

I always wanted 3 but 2 will do. Cheaper holidays, smaller car are all a bonus :)

PrincessPlod · 23/11/2017 22:29

You’ve got one of each, you only have two hands for holding children when crossing the road. Holidays get more expensive with 3.

ApproachingATunnel · 23/11/2017 22:37

Have 2 and i’m done.
With the younger one being 3 i can again concentrate on my career.
Childcare costs would be too much.
I dont get broody seeing small babies anymore.
Saying that, if it happens so be it (it wont happen, we both have zero sex drive cause of tiredness and it works for both of us)

BBTHREE76 · 23/11/2017 22:37

I had a bad time having number 1 (DD) and knew another pregnancy would be tough but I didn't really want her to be on her own (and had always wanted 3 originally) so I had DS. I decided I had pushed my luck enough medically then, and as we have a 3 bed house it meant they would get a room each. To get over not having number 3 I have a fur baby (the cat) Wink

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 23/11/2017 22:42
  1. My age. 2. DH and I both carry a genetic disease.
Saracen · 23/11/2017 22:44

Well, I started late because I didn't feel ready for kids until I was 30ish. Then had a big age gap before dc2 because dc1 was such hard work. Besides, I don't like multitasking!

Loved the big age gap and was inclined to do the same again, even though dc2 was an "easy" child. Dc2 did have disabilities and it was impossible to predict how much they would affect her, so it seemed a little risky to have #3 soon after in case dc2 needed more time and attention than an average child. Also, it's a hereditary condition so there was a 25% chance that the next child would also be disabled.

We were still up for a third child once dc2 was old enough, and started ttc when I was 43. By then I was too old and it didn't happen.

The disappointment faded fairly rapidly and I could always see benefits to having stopped after two children. You do get used to an easier life, I think.

All the same, it was odd and a bit sad, maybe even eerie, that dc2 had an imaginary younger brother with exactly the same age gap we would have wanted for dc3. He was a constant presence in our lives for many years and is only now beginning to be mentioned less frequently.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 23/11/2017 22:47

I’m definitely stopping at two. We can’t afford a third nor do we have the space for another. I’m also the youngest of three and I was always left out growing up so that has put me off too.

Stinkbomb · 23/11/2017 23:57

I always wanted 2, friendship/companionship etc - DD1 died, just about coped through pg with DD2, no way I could do it again.
Would love DD2 to have a living sibling but there’s no way at all I could do it again.

KC225 · 24/11/2017 00:22

Because I couldn't get DH to agree to a third

NerrSnerr · 24/11/2017 07:30

We always wanted 2 and that’s what we have. We like that we have a spare room (and the children have equally sized rooms), nursery fees for a third child would cripple us and I had hyperemesis twice and don’t want it again! My baby is 7 months and I don’t feel broody at all.

Johnnycomelately1 · 24/11/2017 07:47

I have two, one of each (7&5), but if I'd had two DDs or two DSs I still would have stuck at two. I am one of two so maybe it seems "normal" to me and DH is the middle of three and didnt want a third for that reason. I also wanted a small age gap and the age gap naturally going to be bigger with three than two.

That aside, our reasons are not financial but rather that the more children you have, the more years you spend parenting pre-schoolers, which isnt a stage I can get thrilled about and from observing friends I feel like three is much harder work than two, and provides less time for yourself. DH and I both have quite full on jobs and sports commitments as well, and at the moment the balance is quite good between time with the DC and time to chill. .

It's also easier to get help from the GPs with two. DM will happily look after the DC during the summer holidays 3 days a week while I'm working but I dont think she'd be up to them plus a toddler/baby- she's kind of over wiping bums tbh. That makes it possible for us to have extended holidays in the summer in my home country which wouldn't otherwise be possible and which I feel are really important for the DC.

Greyhorses · 24/11/2017 07:50

I have one and can't afford a second Sad

QuietNinjaTardis · 24/11/2017 08:04

Because I had hyperemesis and there's no way I could be pregnant and look after 2 children. I've been sterilised to make sure I don't get pregnant again.

Yogagirl123 · 24/11/2017 08:12

I really thought I would have a third, but after DS2, no way would I have considered it as he was such a difficult baby, no sleep for months on end!

I am very happy with my two DS’s 16 & 14 now and just adorable, very proud of them both, I love my boys. Two is just perfect.

CanIGoToBedNow · 24/11/2017 08:18

I’ve got two and it’s the financial aspect that is stopping me have any more.

If I win the lottery - like a big win and could afford a night nanny and have help during the day if have may 2/3 more. Love being pregnant but really can’t be doing with the new born stage...

NataliaOsipova · 24/11/2017 08:27

I'm the parent I want to be with 2. Having a 3rd I would be spread too thinly,

Agree with this.

Buck3t · 24/11/2017 08:33

Well

  1. I didn't want one much less two.
  2. I don't like kids much. This way I only have to deal with two sets school friends
  3. I didnt want to be outnumbered
  4. I like our lifestyle. We eat out. We have foreign holidays (though not this year), we play tennis, we practice yoga (none of these are cheap pursuits).
  5. Because of said lifestyle having more would be extremely bad for the environment.
  6. I grew up poor, I didn't like it. More kids would mean point 4. would never happen. And god forbid my kids wanted to play football. Hate the sport.
  7. Not that it matters, but I have one of each.
  8. My daughter has a memory deficit, she needs extra assistance. Coping with more kids, given point 1, no chance.

Hope the above helps.

tinysparklyshoes · 24/11/2017 08:35

Because two children should really be enough for anyone

Again, no need to be a bollocks about it.

Praguemum · 24/11/2017 08:37

Er, because I wanted my life back. After 40, I'm done.

justabigdisco · 24/11/2017 10:45

There are a lot of good comments on this thread and lots of good reasons to stop at 2. However I can't shift the broody feeling and desire for another. Perhaps it's because it's 'now or never' for me and I feel like time is running out.

Can I ask those of you who wanted 3 but decided to stop at 2 - how did you make peace with it? Did the yearning ever stop? Do you regret it at all?

seastargirl · 24/11/2017 10:51

No 2 left me in icu but did survive, no 3 left me in icu and didn't survive, I can't risk doing it again, but it kills me that I won't have the 3 that I wanted. I know I'm so lucky too have the 2 that I have and having battled with infertility to get them I should be happy. But I will always feel our family is incomplete.

Floellabumbags · 24/11/2017 12:21

seastargirl Flowers I'm so sorry. Our decision to stop at two is similar to yours but I was the lucky one whose baby pulled through.

MeAndMyElephant · 24/11/2017 12:28

DC1 was natural birth but I had huge health problems afterwards.
DC2 was a planned section because of those problems - but I then had lots of different health issues after the section too.
They'd have to invent a third way to get a baby out before I would consider a third child (but I'm too old now anyway).