Why did you stop at two children?

[TwinklyGiraffe]

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

I wanted 3, dh wanted 2. We had 2, and I was pretty unwell with ds (dd1 was a breeze pregnancy wise).

I had a mirena put in 6 weeks after ds was born, dh on the waiting list for vasectomy. He didn't want more than 2, and that trumped my wish for another (I think he was a wee bit worried I'd want even more, as he's one of 2, but I'm eldest of 6!).

Well after a bit I was having real issues with my periods, I just knew something wasn't right. I asked my GP but there was nothing obviously wrong. Then I started feeling sick and had the same kidney problem as I had with ds. Turned out my Mirena had slipped (after a smear) and I was pg with dd2.

It wasn't easy. Dh was almost uncommunicative about it. I was so ill I risked losing my kidney. My mental health plummeted (I'd had severe pnd with dd1, manageable pnd with ds).

Years later I don't regret dd2 - she's 14 next week and as much a delight as any 14 year old girl can be! It wasn't the plan, though, and its changed the course of our lives quite significantly.

If you don't want more than 2, don't have them. We coped really well in the end, but it was never the plan.

I have only 2 because my stbexh is a twat.

However if i get remarried ill have more kids depending on, if my biological clock has enough time.

I had dd1 at 32 weeks due to preeclampsia placental abruption and IUGR. I lost my twins at this time of year 4 years ago (first twin at 10.5 weeks second at 14.5 weeks) and almost didn't make it myself. When I had dd2 it was a complicated pregnancy with bleeding and clots and lots of bed rest. Now dd1 has quite a few additional needs and I have several chronic illnesses (and dd2 has inherited my migraines) and whilst I don't feel I am "done" I would love another, I couldn't look after my 2 dds during a pregnancy or cope with the anxiety, and also dd1 needs a lot of time and mental energy so it's already a struggle making sure dd2 gets enough time for her.

Two DDs here. I wanted a third almost immediately and am still clucky as a mother hen 3.5 years on.

However it's not right for us. My marriage would be under intolerable strain, treatment and sickness would add to that, and we don't have the money.

I can now see that what I want is to redo the lovely experiences I had with the two I've got over again. I love the bones of my girls and they get more enchanting every day, I have just got to make my peace with them growing up.

to all of you who have suffered losses.

There's another thread about 'middle child' but that was a main factor for me.
I would either have 2 or 4 (and I had DS at 33.6 and DD at 36 so age not on my side there) didn't have the space , the money (Nursery was ££ , there weren't Free Hours until IIRC the year before they started school. )

Not enough thread in the World to do the stitching up again for a 3rd labour

I am middle of 3 and wouldn't subject my DC2 (DD) to this.

The kids seem to be in control of this house as it is, imagine the chaos if adults were outnumbered

As it turns out, my parenting reserves are empty. I am dreading potty training dd2, I feel I have earned that medal already, there is no way I could do everything a 3rd time!

to everyone who would have liked more.

I have 2 and would like another. Going to wait for a bigger age gap this time though! And save!! X

Can’t afford any more kids. Simple as that. DH earns just enough that I’m able to be a SAHM, but once my youngest goes to school I will be back at work full time. Can’t bloody wait for the extra money again! We don’t qualify for any help with childcare and my earning potential isn’t amazing so I wouldn’t earn a lot going back to work once you take away nursery fees. We have spent the last 2 years being very careful with money, no holidays or treats. I just can’t do that again and make my current children suffer. DH had the snip shortly after our 2nd was born. They have quite a large age gap as it is, our 2. If we could afford it then I would have more kids in a heartbeat. But it’s not meant to be. I’m very grateful for the ones I’ve got

This was such a great read, thanks all. So sorry to all you who have had losses and struggles along the way.

For me, I felt done when I had DD. I didn't know the sex with either birth but have DS (6) and DD (3) but I really don't think the sex of my children was anything to do with the feeling of completion my second child bought. However, before having any children I had wanted three boys, the feeling of three subsided after knowing exactly what the reality of children is, which for me is long and non progressive labours, sections, feeding issues, a real low time after DS, was fine with DD. It does sadden me that amount of people who say "you don't need anymore, you've got one of each" as if that's some sort of magical formula to family perfection.

I always feel boys get the rough end of the deal, no one on this thread seemed to want a third to have a boy, I find that really interesting. I'd like to think I'd have been as happy with a second boy, but who can say?

I feel there is a certain balance in our house with the four of us. We like to go on holiday etc, and it really rang true with me the idea of the cost of them increasing considerably as they got older. DD starts school next year and I'd like to earn more money and progress with my career so we'll just stick as we are but I of course still feel broody now and again but know practically it makes no sense.

I only know one woman (not quite a friend) who has 3, that seems equally lovely too! Think if you can afford it and you enjoy your kids, why stop? The pp who said no one needs more than one, not sure I agree with that sentiment... like children are a car or something. There are many emotions involved in having and raising children and you can't just always apply a logical approach to it. Some of the more sensitive posts above tell us we don't always know the reasons behind people's choices.

Childcare costs.
Lack of family support.
Two DC was more than enough to give me the experience of parenthood.

I only have 2 hands and we couldn't fit another child in our house

As an adult I have lots of friends who were one of three and invariably one gets left out. Three’s a crowd as they say...
Got two and stopping there. If money wasn’t an issue I’d consider having four children but have never wanted three.

I stopped at one. that was PERFECT for ME. Well done you for having the boy and girl , 2 children you have always wanted. What other people want and can have is of no consequence whatsoever to your choice surely???

I have to have hormone treatment to maintain my pregnancies (multiple miscarriages before treatment), and it makes me so poorly/crazy, that we've decided were done at 2! It's a blimmin' miracle we have 2 DD's anyway to be honest! When i hold friends newborns now I have the 'ooh what a lovely squishy baby' feelings, but none of the broody, almost jealous, feelings! In a strange way its a relief to make the decision to stop having babies, even if it was because of sad reasons, freeing almost, I can focus wholly on my 2.

Literally just financial for us.

I always thought I'd have at least 2 children & DD1 came along very easily, but we struggled to conceive second time, then when we did I miscarried, but I managed to get pregnant agai a few months later. I felt anxious all the way through my pregnancy, & as far as I was concerned we would definitely be stopping at 2. DC2 is 7 months old & for the past couple of months I've thought it'd be nice to have a third, I think it's more because I feel like DD2 is growing up so quickly & it's thoughts of never having a newborn again, never getting to see those milestones. It is the practicalities of having a third though, not enough bedrooms, not enough room in the car, also my age. After what I went through to have DD2 I never expected to want a third.

I feel so incredibly lucky to have two healthy boys, and love the stages as they change and grow into amazing little people. I have lots of friends struggling with fertility problems. I want to enjoy and provide the best for my two, and I'm not sure I could be the mum I want to be to more than two. I also want to have time to nurture my marriage as well, which I'm not sure I'd manage with more children.

However, I think I will always feel broody, and nostalgic about my boys as tiny babies and get a slight pang when I see a newborn. It is fleeting though, as I feel the best for my family is stopping at two.

I'm pregnant with no 2 and 100% know I'm done after this. I love my ds but would love to get my career and body back at some point. Also two seems perfect to me, I grew up one of 3 and we always argued and there was always a middle child syndrome. With two they'll have a playmate but we won't be outnumbered and it seems better in terms of dividing my time, money, etc.