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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did you stop at two children?

218 replies

TwinklyGiraffe · 22/11/2017 21:52

And did you definitely feel ‘done?’

I’m not done, but due to circumstances there won’t be any more children!

Would love to hear positive things about having 2!

I know it doesn’t matter how many children other people have but most people I know have 3!

I’ve a boy and a girl if it’s relevant!

OP posts:
GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 22/11/2017 22:12

I knew I was done when I had my 2nd child which we didn't find out the sex till the birth (baby boy) I had one of each then and we just felt like our family is complete

Taffeta · 22/11/2017 22:14

I was one of 2
DH was one of 3
I wanted 1
He wanted 3
Compromise
Also had 2 MMCs before each DC
39 and tired by DC2

Ellendegeneres · 22/11/2017 22:15

2boys here. I stopped due to my mh. I want to continue desperately but having been diagnosed with a painful joint disease, I'm happy to appreciate what I have.
I see it as I have two perfect dc, when they're hiding their devil horns why rock the boat?

stiffstink · 22/11/2017 22:16

Working FT and DH can be overseas for weeks, which the DC take as a sign to vomit/be ill in general. One versus two pukers is my limit.

I'm not bothered about boy/girl combo so that wasn't a factor.

Childcare costs would be astronomical for a third.

My absolute deciding factor is the risk of twins as we have 5 sets in our families.

speakout · 22/11/2017 22:21

I stopped at 2 because I didn't want to share myself any further.
Stopping at 2 means there is more of me and OH to go around, more help with homework, more one to one, more individual attention.

We could have afforded more, but chose two.
I have two knees and two hands.
In the teenage years too, kids still benefit from a lot of support, although we have great times as a family, OH and I also have the time to take out the kids individually too which they love, and these are the times when they will open up and confide.
More difficult to have that with a large number of children.

Getoffthetableplease · 22/11/2017 22:22

I'd struggle with the notion of being outnumbered in the parent to child aspect, haha! Loads of things are great about two for us. From not having to change our car or house for two kids, can still just about afford holidays, we can go on trips out and have one adult to one child if they want to do different things (or both get invited to things on same day etc), even just little things like going swimming on my own with them both (three or more and we'd need other adults). I am one of three and definitely experienced the threes a crowd first hand, we were never all friends at once plus the middle child deffo has attention seeking issues. Mentally I know I couldn't cope with any more. That's not even mentioning the reports that say people shouldn't have more than two for environmental reasons.

becotide · 22/11/2017 22:23

because when my mother had her third child, my life went to ratshit.

BikeRunSki · 22/11/2017 22:24

Hyperemisis

8misskitty8 · 22/11/2017 22:25

Was in crippling pain from 6 weeks with dd2 due to spd. ( had it with dd1 but it started later from about 25weeks) and by the end I could barely walk.
She also measured very small so had extra ultrasounds every 2 weeks from 28 weeks pregnant.
By 30 weeks she was basically hanging out as my pelvis was in such a mess. I was very lucky to make it to full term, they kept telling me I wouldn't make it to the next scan.
So there was no way I'd have another due to the risk of it happening again.

whifflesqueak · 22/11/2017 22:25

I don’t feel done, but I know that there are days when I can’t cope with the two I have.

wiltingfast · 22/11/2017 22:25

We wanted 3 but nature did not oblige.

I still yearn. Not helpful sorry!

2 is lovely though and as PPs say, easy enough to manage.

cushioncovers · 22/11/2017 22:27

Because my exh made it quite clear two was enough and if I wanted anymore I would be doing it on my own.

PeaceLoveAndDixie · 22/11/2017 22:27

I have four and my god is it hard. My life would be infinitely easier if I only had two.

grasspigeons · 22/11/2017 22:28

finances and health

We couldn't afford to feed, clothe and house another one and my body would not have coped with another pregnancy as I had complications

I still feel someone is missing round the dinner table and don't feel done - but I am.

However, I do appreciate that I can give 2 children a really good start in life and 3 probably would have tipped me over the edge. Its 2 less dynamics to deal with isn't it?

beckythomas · 22/11/2017 22:28

Interesting thread for me to follow. I am an expecting mum expecting my first child. Would love to see the positives and negatives of having two children. I hope I'd feel motivated to have my next child as well :) :)

PurplePillowCase · 22/11/2017 22:28

I feel 'done'
love my dc dearly but am glad that the preschool years are over
plus it's practical, everything is set for 2 dc from cars to holiday deals, flats, hotel rooms, hands...

MessingThingsUpAlot · 22/11/2017 22:31

Because verydh says 'no more' :( Wine

suepowell · 22/11/2017 22:33

I think the major issue is finances and moving from one place to another. When I had my second child, I could not move anywhere as my first child was already settled in one school. Then other issue is ego issue. If you give importance for one but less importance for other then they might feel jealous. Even if you treat them equally, you still need to do your best for both.

knaffedoff · 22/11/2017 22:34

Two hard pregnancies with difficult births, I couldn't do it again nor could I ask my husband to support me with the Labour and delivery Sad

acquiescence · 22/11/2017 22:36

I'm pregnant with my second DS, we are not sure if we are done or not. I know if we were having a girl we definitely would be - this makes me think that we should leave it with the two we will soon have. I agree with so many of PPs points, particularly the idea of a third pushing you over the edge and a new car.

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 22/11/2017 22:37

I don't feel 'done' at two, but won't be having any more. Various reasons... I had to have two emergency caesareans and wouldn't want a third, both have additional needs, so another child would take away time and finances needed for the first two, plus there's the risk of them having SN as well. Would need a bigger house and I'm now just getting back into my career. Plus I feel I can just about manage dealing with two children's homework, clubs and so on. I like the fact that we'll be able to financially help with university or a house deposit more than if we had 3 children. Lastly (!), if we had a third now, I'd want a fourth as there would be quite a big age gap between 2 and 3 and I'd feel number 3 would miss out on having a sibling to play with!

Anyway, I'd actually love a big family, but I am so thankful for the two children I do have.

ShoesHaveSouls · 22/11/2017 22:39

No I didn't - I always wanted 3, and had 3. I even toyed with a 4th (but I'm too old and too damn tired now).

But the transition from two to three dc was awfully hard - it's bloody hard work. Not that I regret it, but when I see people with just two, they always seem calm and collected compared to me.

Advantages of two off the top of my head:

You have a hand for each child.
Package holidays/family hotel rooms are easier to book.
You have less laundry. Less work on all fronts.
You can have an ordinary car.

TinselTwins · 22/11/2017 22:39

Money.

If I was rich I'd probably have 5!

MissConductUS · 22/11/2017 22:43

I was done after two. I was older (39 and 41) and had a bit of a time with postpartum depression with both. Getting DH to agree to a second was a bit of a discussion, but we wound up with a boy and a girl and it was just time to accept it and move on. It's worked out fine and I'm glad we stopped at two.

user1469751309 · 22/11/2017 22:45

I have 2 both girls and in all honestly feel broody all the time but I very nearly died during my last pregnancy and so can't risk it again especially as I would leave 2 wonderful children without a mother so we are going to count our blessings and stop at two.

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