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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider giving up pets now we have kids

223 replies

Hermitmummy · 30/06/2017 11:27

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them Sad

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much. Sad

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 30/06/2017 11:29

I'm afraid you're likely to get your arse handed to you here OP. The one thing I can say is that is does get easier. I had DD and DS2 in the space of 11 months and had 2 cats and a dog. It was rough going for a while, but we got there. Could you put them
in kennels/cattery once every few months to give yourself a break?

EssieTregowan · 30/06/2017 11:29

Yes, you're a terrible person.

How many pets are we talking about? I might have some sympathy if you've got like 12 cats and 5 dogs or something. But really. Cop on to yourself.

Booboobooboo84 · 30/06/2017 11:29

Well yeah you kind of are being unreasonable. You took pets on promising them a home for life. However I think if you know of a friend/family who are looking for a pet and would care for them then yeah you should let them go there. And maybe spend a month signing up for sites like borrowmydoggy and see if you can't get some help with walkies.

Atkinsfat · 30/06/2017 11:30

I agree op, I find my cats so annoying and would love to rehome them but oh wont let me! I expect not many will admit to it though!

YoureNotASausage · 30/06/2017 11:30

It's understandable to me to feel like that. Some people are just more into their pets than others. What do you have? I'd try to carefully regime what you can. I had a dog and cat, chickens and 3 under 3 all at the same time. It was too much but my dog now lives with my friend and comes to our hous Mon to Fri, 9-5 so it works great that the dog is never alone, my kids get pet exposure but we don't walk it or worry about it or get woken by it. The cat has been a dream, just a quick feed a few times a day and she's no bother at all.

HelgaHufflepuff76 · 30/06/2017 11:32

Blimey. I could no sooner see myself giving up my pets than I could my children! We're all different I suppose.
Do you have a partner or other family who could help you with the pets?

BlueKarou · 30/06/2017 11:33

What pets do you have?

You're not a terrible person for feeling overwhelmed. I have a 1yo, plus dogs, cats, and some small fuzzies, and I feel rotten for having to prioritise the kid over the pets (who were all here first) but I keep telling myself that the kid is growing up by the moment and the time will come when I can be more attentive to the rest of the family. They're all fed, watered and medicated, that's enough for right now.

Is there anything you can do to ease the burden or to make it easier to get everything done?

PacificDogwod · 30/06/2017 11:34

You know YABU but you sound like you are struggling.

How many animals have you got?
What support do you have?

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 30/06/2017 11:35

Yeah, I have two dogs and two children and I can see where you are coming from. I am fond of my dogs and wouldn't get rid of them but it is a lot of hard work.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/06/2017 11:36

You probably should give them up as the fact you're even considering it shows you don't deserve them. There's plenty of decent human beings who will look after them.

SuperBeagle · 30/06/2017 11:37

You'd have to pry my pets out of my cold dead hands. I could never give them up. I have four children.

You take them on as a responsibility for their whole life (or yours, if you pre-decease them), as you do your children. You can't just fucking palm them off when life gets tough. It's not their fault; it's absurd to feel resentment towards them.

SaS2014 · 30/06/2017 11:38

Yes for some their pets are as important as their children. But not for everyone. And you have to do what's best for you and your family. If it really is too much work and you are resentful of them then they won't be having the happiest of lives anyway. If you really found life much more manageable without them and were happier with lower stress and less hassle then yes you might be better off without them. Because, stating the obvious I know, kids gotta come first. Being a new mum is bloomin hard work, you gotta do whatever you can to make life as easy and stress free as possible.

YoureNotASausage · 30/06/2017 11:39

They are not the same as children.

But you do have a responsibility to regime them well.

PreviouslyBannedToaster · 30/06/2017 11:39

I don't think Yabu. Life and circumstances change and I don't think you should feel guilty that you've found yourself in this position. Just because someone else can manage with young kids and animals doesn't mean everyone else can or should have to.

Spudlet · 30/06/2017 11:39

I love my dog, I would never rehome my dog, but there are definitely times when it feels like I'm not doing a good job at being either a dog owner or a mum... when DS gets dragged out in all weathers for a walk, or ddog gets left at home while we go to playgroup etc. But it is getting easier as DS gets more
mobile as he can run around on walks and splash in puddles and things. (Although now I have to prevent them mugging one another for toys / socks etc 🙄).

I'd say hang in there and see how you go.

upperlimit · 30/06/2017 11:40

You're not terrible. You sound like a lovely human being. It sounds like your life has totally shifted pace and that you are scrambling to catch up. Life can be like that.

If the best life you can offer your pets is with another family do that.

Ignore the inevitable pissyness your op will ellicit.

YoureNotASausage · 30/06/2017 11:40

Rehome not regime!

NicolasFlamel · 30/06/2017 11:41

My cats and dog drive me nuts a lot now just because it's chaos with the kids too but the pets were here first. My kids drive me batshit crazy but I can't get rid of them and I made the same commitment to care for the pets I brought into our home.
IF you get rid of your pets you shouldn't ever get pets again. You'll have proven to yourself that you're not in it for the long haul and it wouldn't be fair on subsequent animals.

Stopnamechanging · 30/06/2017 11:41

I think YABU but lots of people think that animals are disposable or there to fill a hole until children come along.

They also think that there are lots of lovely homes waiting for rescue animals.

Neither are true but humans are shallow like that, nothing will change.

skyzumarubble · 30/06/2017 11:42

Yabu but I think you know that. How many pea are we talking about?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 30/06/2017 11:45

YANBU, OP, they're just animals. Rehome and get on and enjoy your life. It's too short to be burdened with an animal you don't want.

BigDamnHero · 30/06/2017 11:45

How are you doing generally, OP? Is there any chance you could be suffering from PND?

I just ask because the only time I've had any sorts of thoughts like that about our pets were when I had untreated depression. I'd for you to give up your pets, realise you're actually depressed and get treatment only to feel hugely guilty about rehoming the pets.

BigDamnHero · 30/06/2017 11:45

*I'd hate for you...

user1497997754 · 30/06/2017 11:47

I love my dogs and would not give them up for anything....I do understand tho that not everyone feels the same

Original poster
Hermitmummy · 30/06/2017 11:47

We have 2 dogs and a cat

It's more the dogs they bark and wake the baby up or at the moment they are super needy because they've been away so they are following me around constantly.

I honestly never thought I'd ever feel they needed to go they were our furbabies before we had DC but now I feel overwhelmed. The baby is ill today so it's not helping having a whiny, grizzly child and 2 dogs that apparently hate anyone getting any sleep.
The cat is mostly ignoring me as I'm not forgiven for abandoning them and changing all their favourite lounging spots.

OP posts: