To consider giving up pets now we have kids

[Hermitmummy]

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much.

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

It would appear that the DH could also benefit from some training.

Nah, just get him one of those electric shock collars and zap the bastard when he doesn't toe the line.

Many people don't know about borrowmydoggy - and the OP may not have tried "the most obvious thing to do first" because she's suffering from PND, has been through a stressful situation with a house remodel and has a young, and ill child

This is a grown women who managed to organise a house re model and kennelling while it was being done.

I am sure that she has the ability to think of a dog walker.

Borrow my doggy is not a substitute for paying a professional to exercise your dogs.

Massively unreasonable. Pets are not a disposable commodity to be thrown to one side just because you now have a child. Cats aren't hard work at all and assuming you've trained your dog properly I'm not seeing how it's such hard work.

OP, your stress points are probably off the scale with all you have going on - I just have one cat now and I find building work with him at home incredibly stressful because I'm worried he's going to get out and run off all the time.

PND makes 'coping' more or less impossible, rather than make permanent decisions about the pets, can you do as others suggest and find a walker (maybe via Borrow My Doggie)? can the Dogs Trust suggest any short term solutions to give you a breather?

Also please see the GP about the worsening of your PND.

FWIW, I was brought up with dogs, and love dogs, but I have never had a dog as a pet since I left home because they are so needy and demanding. I've had cats, who are much less emotionally draining!

People having a go at a woman who has severe PND need to take a long look at themselves. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope is a frequent symptom of PND. It's not a rational thought process. Would you be talking like this to someone with a physical illness making it hard to cope?

OP, I think you might find that you still felt overwhelmed and then regretted it. Are you having treatment for your PND? Does your DH know how you're feeling?

You are being very unreasonable and you know it.

I think that you would do better to address the feelings of being overwhelmed first. Once that's dealt with I imagine you will feel differently towards your pets.

Nowhere in the op does it mention 'severe pnd'.

That came later in the thread I believe.

Stopnamechanging stop presuming she has tried getting a dog walker. She's actually said she's looked at borrowmydoggy but not signed up for anything. Right now one of two things will happen either she will give the dogs up or she won't. She's more likely to keep them if people can give her actually help to do so. Even if it's things she's already said. So maybe if you don't have anything nice and constructive to say you should quite simply shut the fuck up.

BTW I have 3 cats besides the dog, i had 7 cats up to 2 years ago, 2 were very old and had to be pts because of illness due to age 18 and 16, then i lost 2 more earlier this year due to heart attack and tumour aged 7 and 14, i had those cats from kittens, m,y 3 left are all 8 years old, and i would never part with them
Please try to keep them, get your other half to look after the animals,if you can
I couldnt put them through the stress of rehoming

Stopnamechanging

If you read her posts you would say she felt better from PND, and is now feeling like it's returned. It can be triggered by stress. We have no idea who arranged the house remodel or the kenneling (maybe it was her DH?)

Stop having a go at a vulnerable mother struggling with PND why don't you?

"That came later in the thread I believe."

Well read the thread then before starting to lash out onto a vulnerable person??

Seriously, it is totally pointless suggesting dog walking or borrow my doggy. The OP is not coping with the responsibility of the animals full stop.

PND is a bitch, and no one goes into having their first baby thinking they will develop it. Having developed it, you have no idea how badly it will affect your life. In my experience, the vast majority of women with severe PND (including me) would happily rehome the baby, so don't be so bloody facetious about that.

OP, the dogs deserve a home where they aren't resented as a hassle. I don't think you are a terrible person at all. It's brave to admit you aren't coping. Did they come from a rescue in the first place or a breeder? Either way there should be something in the original contract that says you have to return them if you can no longer care for them.

If they are random oops/puppy farm/BYB dogs, then you need to get in touch with a rescue centre. If they are pure bred, google for the breed rescue. As others have said, make sure you tell the rescue that you are happy to pay for their upkeep and carry on paying for their insurance. Also, do not under any circumstances get any more pets until your kids have left home. That would make you an awful person. I hope you can find a suitable place for them, and that your DH isn't as much of a knob as he sounds.

Yes, it will get better that fact will not help the OP right now.
I still remember the depths of despair I felt when the HV said to me that babies settle down a bit when they are 6 weeks old. DS1 who screamed the entire first year of his life was 3 weeks at the time. HV was trying to be reassuring but all i could hear was 'What?! Another 3 weeks of this??" Just as well I did not know it would be far longer than that...

OP, it does get better.
And yes, pets add an awful lot to childrens' lives.

I agree with everybody who is saying don't do anything rash.
Seek help in RL - for yourself AND your pets.

What WomblingThree said.

Get some kongs/food puzzle toys/chews in and that'll stop the dogs following you round.

Leave the baby with DH while you walk the dogs, it's nice, gives you time out in the fresh air by yourself.

The barking, well that'll probably calm down if they're busy and getting walked, but what do they bark at? Stuff they can see or hear? Can you move them or block off what they can see?

Wombling I don't think it's pointless at all. The OP has stated it is only recently her PND has worsened and identified the building works as a cause. These appear to be finished and she should not act hastily. Dogs while not the same as children are still part of the family relationship and sometimes it takes work on relationships. I would hate for the OP to put the animals in a rescue only to regret it later.

Op. You can do this. You can get through with your family intact. But you need support, just like we all do sometimes. It's not weakness, it's just human.

Haltis aren't the only headcollar out there - I personally prefer the Dogmatic, which doesn't ride into the eyes as easily. Other options are a harness with a front clip attachment - so if the dog pulls they turn themselves around. These aren't magic wands to substitute training but they can be useful aids.

If they are pulling hard, can you drive them to an offlead walking place so you minimise the pulling opportunities? Also, try a sling if you don't have one - a pulling dog with a pram is awful but a sling is much easier IME.

It will get better, I promise you. Hang in there. You've got this.

I totally get it. It's a horrible guilty feeling.

We have a 14 year old labrador who has been with us since he was 6 and who I love dearly. We also have a 2 year old with global developmental delay and suspected autism. It has been monumentally difficult - more so in the early days when I had an incredibly difficult screamy baby who would never settle, a husband who worked long hours and a dog who wasn't happy at being relegated down the pecking order.

I can't give the dog the same amount of time and attention as he previously enjoyed. He's a really loving boy who always wants to be petted and he lives for his walks.

I had hoped things would get better as DS got bigger, but the dog doesn't like him, I think he's just too old to want a toddler's attention. Thankfully DS doesn't mither him.

Also, 14 year old labradors are hard work, exacerbated by an unrealistic DH who has struggled to deal with the inevitable. Our dog suffered back leg collapse in winter and can no longer walk far or climb stairs. He is becoming increasingly incontinent. He has a rear harness which we use to support his back legs to get him out to toilet and for short walks. A masseuse comes round once a week (at stupid expense). He never used to bark and now he barks all the time.

I pet and play with him and will do the odd walk, but as of the last few months I have refused to take a major role in his care. It's too much, physically and emotionally. DH has finally agreed to have him PTS at the end of summer and I feel such relief about it.

I do think your PMS is playing a big role in this. Hope you can get some help!

Sounds like you've been very lazy dog owners - why on earth do your dogs bark when you're in? I'm working from home today and the worse noise coming from my two is snoring.

You have brought this on yourself I'm afraid, the dogs should have been trained to behave well and not pull on lead or you should have persevered with a halti/headcollar until they didn't pull. Pets aren't soft toys, just to throw away on a whim because you now have kids.

On the other hand, they'll probably be better off with responsible owners, so go ahead and rehome.

Yes Booboobooboo84 but you are assuming she will regret it, I'm assuming she won't.

Kongs are great - we mix some running stuff that the dog likes (we use a little bit of melted butter) in with dried dog biscuits, stuff them into the kong and then freeze for a few hours - dogs love it and it keeps them occupied.

No, you're not a terrible person. When my mother was pregnant with me, my maternal grandfather had his dog put down just in case.

I don't think you need to go that far. But if you are not comfortable, you can give the pets away.

They are animals, FGS.

Fucking hell.

OP I hope you are able to distill some of the helpful advice on this thread from the unnecessary poisonous venting.

Sweetheart you need to do what you feel is best. You have a lot going on at the moment. Maybe visit the GP have a look at changing meds if you are on them or maybe trying them if you are not. Maybe once your pnd is in hack you will view things differently.
I do think you need to sit down with dp and have a good talk about how you are feeling. Does he realise you have got to this stage. Will he up his game with walking the dogs and swing to them?
We had two dogs when ds2 was blown and they were never any bother so I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I hope you seek out some support before making a decision.

user1492692527 you may well be right, but that's bloody judgemental. We are on our 5th, 6th and 7th dogs currently. I can assure you we are far from "lazy dog owners". Three haven't barked at all, two have barked at the door and then stopped, one barks excessively. They have all been treated the same and trained the same. The barky one is much better behaved than the others. His commands are perfect, he never chews or has accidents, he's just a bloody barker. He isn't ever allowed to just bark incessantly, and he is checked every time, but he is just a vocal dog.