To consider giving up pets now we have kids

[Hermitmummy]

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much.

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

[Hermitmummy]

The cats got the right idea she's either hiding or run away!

[RandomMess]

Perhaps it would do you good to pay someone to babysit DC (would friends do that perhaps) and you get a break and some exercise walking the dogs???

I really wish you a better day tomorrow, you are not a monster for feeling overwhelmed.

[PacificDogwod]

Oh, our DHound could melt your heart with his 'woe be me, poor neglected, puppy dog, unloved by all' - usually that look is resolved with a treat

You really need to prioritise looking after yourself, your physical AND mental health.
If you collapse in a heap you are no use to your baby, your dogs or anybody

[SlothMama]

"Give them up and don't feel guilty. Pets are not people. They filled a void for you before you had kids and now they are a drain, there's no shame in rehoming them. "

Are you serious? They are living animals! When your child becomes a "drain" do you rehome them too? Animals aren't a disposable object when you get an animal they are for life not for the time being. You can't just throw them away because it's easier for you.

Please never get a pet, they deserve much better than an owner who will so willingly give them up!

[ChardonnaysPrettySister]

Throwaway culture at its worst.
Take a living creature in to satisfy a whim and get rid of it when it's no more convenient. Two living creatures in this case.

A bit like a disposable coffee cup or something.

So sad.

I do hope you can rehome them OP.

[Rinoachicken]

Can everyone please stop being so harsh on the OP? She has already said she has PND. She needs practical advice and support, (like maybe getting a dog walker and cleaner to help), not being slagged off.

[KoolKoala07]

dont even get me started on people like you.
Why don't you consider getting rid of dc over your pets? Oh that's right. It's unacceptable to treat your children as disposable but perfectly acceptable for your pets. Poor animals!

[LittlePaintBox]

Just to say - I think people having a go at you are completely unreasonable here. any form of depression makes problem solving and decision making really hard. It took me nearly a week recently to choose between the option for sending some shoes I'd bought online. I got really annoyed with myself, but that's just how long it took me.

[tabulahrasa]

" I've done no housework, I've not eaten, I've not even showered or brushed my teeth! and I can't imagine this being my life for the next however many years. "

Oh it won't be, honestly, babies are not like that for years.

Seriously, you want to hand the baby off to your DH after he walks through the door, go get dressed and go off for a walk, walking the dog was honestly a complete lifesaver for me when my DC were tiny.

[stuntcamel]

People come before animals IMO, and the pets are stressed by the sound of it, which isn't good for them either.

Yes, pets are for life, but circumstances change sometimes, it can't always be helped. If things aren't working out then perhaps the best thing for the dogs would be to rehome them. The cat would probably be less stressed and settle down with them gone, and would be no trouble hopefully.

[LogicalPsycho]

Just out of curiosity, all the posters who think OP is (among other posts) "A terrible human being", would you have the same attitude to a struggling new mother who decided, with a heavy heart, to place her baby for adoption? Because it happens. And these mothers are usually met with empathy and support- certainly on the long running Birth/Adoptee thread they have been. Because it isn't an easy decision.

OP has said she has always loved her pets, but sadly life has changed and she doesn't feel the same anymore, feels resentment, and feels guilty about that.
So wonders if they, and she, would each have a better life if the pets found a home better suited to their needs. If it was an easy decision for her, they'd already be in Kennels while she skipped off conscience free- so is evidently not a terrible person!!

Marriage is 'for life' yet people Divorce everyday because feelings change. People don't say to an unhappy married woman, "Well you made your vows, I don't care if your feelings for him have changed- you're stuck for life now"

Why are the feelings of animals valued higher than humans?

It seems to boil down to this:

Sever your ties to your baby: "She must have had good reason to make such a difficult, selfless decision"

Sever your ties to your Spouse: "She's not willing to live unhappily- good on her"

Sever your ties to your pet Dog: "Terrible human being!"

[bbpp]

Some replies must be coming from people who live in a different world. She's not treating her pets as disposable! She's not saying they're toys, or don't matter. But her mental health and well-being, and that of her child's, comes before where her dogs live. Not 'her dogs'. Where they live.

Many of us have dogs who have been rehomed, they're happy. They got over the loss of their past family.

It shouldn't be a first solution and I'm sure she's taking your suggestions on board, they already go to doggy day care. But if she can't make it all balance than the animal that has literally been bred to love all humans would probably do better than her own child at living with someone else, for all the ridiculous snarky comments of rehoming her kids. Dog aren't human. They're not. They're lovely but they'll be lovely with anyone who loves them.

But no, sure. Unhelpful comments and insults at someone who is suffering sure is the sign of who is an 'unterrible' human.

[Rinoachicken]

KoolKoala07

FFS was there any need for that vile rant against a mother with PND?

Reported

[bbpp]

LogicalPsycho Great post. You've put into words what I was thinking much better than I could.

[PacificDogwod]

The OP cannot go back and change her taking on dogs or having a baby or having PND or a crap H - cut her some slack for reaching out for help and, well, HELP.

Making the case for getting people to consider ALL aspects of pet ownership is indeed an important cause but this thread is not the place for it FFS.

[EatTheChocolateTeapot]

Rehome the one that barks the most first. He sounds unsettled. There are plenty of animal lovers around and good homes.
Our cat moved in with the next door neighbor who is retired and single. The cat loves it and enjoys his steamed fish fillet, far far away from the toddler and pre-schooler which he hated with a passion.

[SeagullsStoleMyChurro]

Give them up and don't feel guilty. Pets are not people. They filled a void for you before you had kids and now they are a drain, there's no shame in rehoming them.

Fucksake. Absolutely vile attitude. I hope you don't have any pet's.

[SeagullsStoleMyChurro]

Pets not pet's that was autocorrect before anyone gets pedantic.

[Grenoble124]

I feel a bit like that OP. I have two dogs who were my babies and a one year old DC. I spend more time cleaning up after the dogs than the baby and am not as patient.

But I am in it for the long haul and would never ever get rid of them or make my feelings known to them. I am glad my DC is growing up with pets and he thinks the dogs are hilarious.

[SlothMama]

My post about animals being disposable wasn't aimed at her it was aimed at the idiot who said it's okay to get rid when they are a bother.

OP you need to speak to your DH, and try and get some help from someone. Even if they watch the baby for an hour it means you can get out with the dogs. From the sounds of it they are bored and that's why everything is setting them off.

Have a look at the toys such as kongs which you can stuff with treats, it'll keep them occupied whilst you do other things. Such as feeding yourself!

Perhaps a pet calmer such as an adaptil plug in might help calm them also?

[namechangingagainagain]

OP I just want to wish you well.

This stage doesn't last for ever.

I remember sitting on a kerb and crying my eyes out after the first time I tried to take DS in a buggy and walk ddog at the same time. He somehow managed to pull both me and the buggy over whilst i was trying to poo pick-up and it just felt so fucking overwhelming.
But it passed.

I got a baby carrier so I could and the PND fog lifted (with some help from medication)and I felt I could cope again. DDog is currently sat sleeping on my feet snoring whilst I mumsnet.

To me my dog is my dog. I love him very much but he is lower down in my list of priorities than myself, DH and my children. This does not make me a bad person.

Some people are very strange about animals. I remember a family member once telling me that if there was a random baby and her dog drowning she would save her dog first. I cannot and never will get my head around that mindset. Some people feel like that about pets If you dont feel like that it doesn't however make you a bad person. If you feel you need to prioritise your mental health or the care of your child over your pets it doesnt make you a monster.

Take care

[Time40]

People having a go at a woman who has severe PND need to take a long look at themselves. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope is a frequent symptom of PND. It's not a rational thought process. Would you be talking like this to someone with a physical illness making it hard to cope?

This.

Rehome them if that would make you feel better, OP - and don't feel guilty about it, because you wouldn't be doing anything wrong.

[WomblingThree]

LogicalPsycho'exactly

Rinoachicken I suggest you re-read the thread. "Everyone" isn't being harsh. Lots of people have taken the time and trouble to write detailed, understanding posts.

[RodeoDriveBaby]

I've not even showered or brushed my teeth! and I can't imagine this being my life for the next however many years.

It won't be love, it does get easier.

Seriously can people stop being so fucking vile to someone struggling with PND?

I work in an animal shelter, we see unwanted animals constantly and it's awful. But when I was in the midst of PND I felt my beloved cats were just a drain too, I felt terrible about it but I couldn't help that.

Anyway, it passed and now it's fine - they are snoozing at my feet as I type this.

[RodeoDriveBaby]

KoolKoala



HTH.