To consider giving up pets now we have kids

[Hermitmummy]

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much.

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

[LakieLady]

Dog biscuits mixed with some of that cheese spread that comes in a tube is great for kongs too - ram in some biscuit, squirt in the cheese spread and repeat until full.

[ExConstance]

I had two dogs when both of my children were born. I think perhaps you could arrange for your DP to do more training with the dogs or to free up some time for you to do it? If they get enough walks and are properly trained they should be pretty easy going around the house. Encouraging an animal to be a "fur baby" is a way of storing up problems when you can no longer give that level of constant attention to them. They probably just need to learn how to be dogs.

[SapphireStrange]

Mango, I'm sorry, that sounds very hard. However, an ageing, incontinent dog and child with global developmental delay and suspected autism is a different kettle of fish from what the OP describes.

[bbpp]

I don't think you're a bad person if you have to give up your animals. Most of my current pets are rescues and they don't miss their old owners, and I'm sure there's not a single person here who would claim their rescue dog doesn't love them fully.

We were in a terrible home situation and my mum got rid of two of her dogs at that time. Me and her were being abused by her husband. The dogs ended up neglected when it came to walking, constantly terrified with the shouting and fighting and small things such as dog hair was sending my mum over the edge. It was the kindest thing to do. And now they're with a families who suit them perfectly.

[WannaBe]

Did the OP say that she wanted to rehome the dogs? Seek advice on how to get rid of them? No didn't think so. The OP said that she felt it was easier when the animals weren't around and therefore felt she didn't want them which made her feel bad because prior to having the baby they were her fur babies. So those who want to project your own thoughts on to the OP might want to re-read and back the hell off.

Having animals can be hard work. Animals who are used to having all the attention prior to children can be particularly hard work. And feeling overwhelmed with a baby and dogs and cats all of whom are demanding your attention can be hard work.

There's nothing wrong with admitting that. It certainly doesn't warrant cries of "never get another animal again you irresponsible bad person."

OP tomorrow is another day. Hopefully then the baby will be feeling better, the dogs will be a bit more settled back home, and if you speak to borrow my doggy or similar you can get someone to come out and walk the dogs for you. And as time goes on your baby will develop a relationship with the dogs in his own right.

And if in time you feel that children and animals are just too much, then you just resolve to not have any more animals when these ones pass on.

PS, when my DS was three I got a new guide dog, trained to the highest of standards, but he was only eighteen months old and bloody hard work in combination with a three year old who suddenly had a new playmate. So all those deeming fit to criticise the OP for daring to have a dog which occasionally barks, let's not pretend that the majority of household dogs are trained to the highest standards and are never hard work. Because quite frankly that is bullshit. Dogs play up. Sometimes they bark, sometimes they chew, sometimes they're just annoying bastards and you wish on a spur of the moment you could just get rid. And they're that way because they're dogs and most people wish they weren't around at some stage. But admitting that is a far cry from heading down the local rescue or popping on to gumtree.

[Benedikte2]

OP have you considered giving your DC up for adoption and keeping the pets? Much easier to get a wonderful adoptive home with people who long for a child than for second hand pets

[Chickenagain]

You have my sympathy OP. Recognising there is a problem is the first step. There are ways of managing the situation and I am coming at this from the point of view of the animals. I see so many miserable dogs being lugged around on flexi-leads, ignored, then shouted at for the most innocuous misdemeanour.

If you do want to keep them, then you will have to put a good, reliable routine in place. And you will need the full support of your partner - which includes his being consistent with training & commands. I have to say I know how demoralising it is for someone to completely undermine you by being deliberately awkward with consistency. (As an aside, I hope he stops being such an arse when it comes to raising your children).

On the other hand, if you think the reward will not be worth the huge amount of initial work, then while you still have your rational mind, start looking to rehome before you become too desperate.

BTW, in my opinion, there is no benefit to babies & very young children having pets around. The time & money spent on the pets could be spent on the children. When the children are 5 & upwards, that is when a relationship with animals comes into their own. Pets are not toys.

Good luck OP

[coffeeslave]

Last in, first out. Rehome the baby?

[Fluffypinkpyjamas]

They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person

You are but reading the replies, you are not the only one.

Please rehome them because they deserve love and a good home which you are no longer offering, despite your choice to get them in the first place , now you have a child.

This is EXACTLY why are there are so many homeless animals. I despair.

[coffeeslave]

Also rehome the husband if he's not helping!

[MangosteenSoda]

I know the situations are very different, but I think the feeling of guilt about the pet are the same.

Before my dog got so disabled and before we knew DS had SN, I felt like I couldn't give the dog enough attention and I felt shitty about it, but I also felt like I wanted to have that responsibility taken off my plate.

Suffering from pms may be making the op feel out of control and unable to cope. I think she needs to prioritise her recovery and her husband needs to be told to step up and be the main dog carer, as well as getting outside help with walks.

[upperlimit]

How witty Benedikte, what a super funny thing to say to a woman with pnd who isn't coping. Go you.

[SapphireStrange]

Yes, I don't disagree, Mango, particularly on the DH stepping up!

[Benedikte2]

Seriously, though, hang in there and things will get better. Folk on here have got good advice. I'm almost sure your affection for your previously loved pets will return once you no longer feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff that being a parent dumps so unexpectedly on us.
Good luck

[plantsitter]

Are people genuinely telling another human being she is a terrible person because she's finding animals and children a difficult combination to look after? And actually meaning it? A terrible person?

[Crochetthedayaway]

You are not a terrible person. I think your mental health has to come first. A dog walker at least every other day seems a good start. My dog would go crazy if we didn't walk him every day. I got a dog for our kids and they love him dearly but I wouldn't have one left to myself. Our cat is much less of a nuisance than our dog but they are both hard work. If you can find a rehoming option I would consider it without guilt. If DH wants to keep the animals he can step up and help more. Circumstances do change and it is okay to accept that and make new plans. Good luck.

[stopgap]

Can you afford a dog walker? Postpartum I developed an autoimmune disease and had a baby with silent reflux, so walking the dogs daily was absolutely impossible. Having a dog walker every other day was a godsend, and the task of waking the dogs became easier again at around 18 months, once I could load baby willingly in a stroller without him screaming, and my health stabilized.

[LaurieFairyCake]

theyre only animals

worst sentence ever written.

It's good that you've noticed your resentment OP - now you have to do something about it. Get a dog walker, get a cleaner, get an ironing person. Get some help.

I'd also get a babysitter for a couple of hours so you can take the dogs for a walk - not just for the dogs but for you. In this lovely weather it will make you remember why you loved them in the first place.

[Hermitmummy]

OK thanks for all the helpful suggestions to answer the venomous rants

Both dogs go to a day care center at massive expense while I'm at work 4 days a week and baby is at childcare so you'd reasonably expect them to be knackered after running around for 4 days!

Before I was pregnant I had trained the older dog that we've had since a puppy from a breeder to walk to heel and I was working on the younger more head strong dog that we rescued with limited success, he's always been harder to train even basic commands. DH does none of the training I did it and then taught him the commands when they had a reasonable grasp.

When I was pregnant I developed SPD which limited my ability to walk them, they also stopped listening to me in any shape or form so all the progress I had made is pretty much gone. I need to start from scratch.

They bark at everything, the older one is a guarder and has always been quick to bark at anything she thinks is a threat however since my pregnancy and the baby everything sets her off the dishwasher, the bloody TV even, literally anything! And then the other one joins in and I get 10 minutes of frantic roaming and sniffing and gruffing, this also impacts the cat which obviously isn't a fan of the constant noise and commotion.

I've got a baby that has spent practically the whole of the last hour grizzling and is now moving on to high pitched screaming, the dogs are looking at me like I'm the worst owner/mother in the world, I've done no housework, I've not eaten, I've not even showered or brushed my teeth! and I can't imagine this being my life for the next however many years.

[Suntrapped]

Give them up and don't feel guilty. Pets are not people. They filled a void for you before you had kids and now they are a drain, there's no shame in rehoming them.

I loved having a cat before I had a child. I needed something to love and nurture. But my child comes first. Cat didn't like having a baby in the house and started shredding carpets and pooping indoors! Also I don't think cats are very hygienic when you have a crawling baby and they leave fluff and dead toads lying around.

[PacificDogwod]

Take it one day or even one hour at a time.

Prioritise.

So - eat and drink. Have chocolate
Make sure your baby is fed and watered.
Shower, brush your teeth.
Housework - do the bare minimum.

Dogs live in the moment, don't credit them with human emotions or reasoning.

[SapphireStrange]

They filled a void for you before you had kids and now they are a drain

Pets are not fucking accessories or toys.

[Hermitmummy]

I don't know they are doing very good poor us sulking at the moment. One in each bed, we're all just looking at each other wondering where it all went wrong

[SapphireStrange]

OP, maybe get a trainer/behaviourist's help for the dogs.

[Morphene]

finding solutions or organising new dog walking arrangements are really REALLY difficult things to do while depressed.

I felt I lost at least 80 odd IQ points when I had PND.

So no, I wouldn't expect someone with PND to have tried all the obvious solutions already!

OP give yourself a chance - don't beat up on yourself (apparently there are plenty of people right here with pitchforks to do that for you ), and see if you can try and implement some of the suggestions on here. They might work, they might not - but at least you will be acting and beginning to take control of the situation.

I think those suggestions are:

1. Talk to your DH - explain the issues, get him on board with the problem solving.
   
2. get to GP about crying all day. That isn't something you should just put up with or wait out...that is something to act on and improve your health.
   
3. If DH isn't now walking the dogs, get a dog walker. I know sweet FA about dogs but I have the impression things will escalate and fast if you don't get them exercised regularly.