To consider giving up pets now we have kids

[Hermitmummy]

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much.

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

Ok, I'll tell you you're terrible. Also irresponsible and callous. What will you do with your child when he/she becomes too much for you? Mind you, the pets will be better off with someone who doesn't see them as a nuisance.

[Rinoachicken]

cheese OP has already said they are at doggy daycare 4 days a week

[kalinkafoxtrot45]

I dread to think what you'll do when your kids hit the toddler phase.

[nina2b]

You are. Pets are not disposable items.

[Rinoachicken]

Have you 3 read the thread AT ALL??

The OP has PND, there is no need for the nastiness

[Akire]

If you had a disabled or elderly relative plus family and geninuelt struggling to cope no one would say anything about you finding a suitable care home. But if it's an animal and you can't cope you are expected to just carry on? Double standards anyone?

[Hermitmummy]

I'll just leave DC on the steps of the nearest church obvs

DC had a sleep and I've calmed down a bit now, thank you for all the positive messages they are helping me see the wood for the trees.

[PetalsOnPearls]

Hermitmummy

Are there any specifics you think you'd like answering on anything? ie. would it be helpful for us to share more dog toy advice / ideas?

[Suntrapped]

Ok, I'll tell you you're terrible. Also irresponsible and callous. What will you do with your child when he/she becomes too much for you?

You can't compare a pet to a human child. The child always takes priority. Why is it 'terrible' and 'callous' to rehome a dog? I think being responsible is recognising when you can't cope and taking steps to remedy it. Not struggling on as you are, for fear the dog might not like being rehomed.
You can hardly plan ahead for PND or the exhaustion and chaos a new baby can bring.

[PetalsOnPearls]

"Why is the guarding worrying with the baby? "

It's not necessarily. We have a guardy dog, he's protective of us when he's guarding. Some people seem to think guardy means likely to attack humans - it doesn't.

You will know if your dog has displayed any aggressive behaviour towards your baby; it's very different to guarding a property, people or other territory.

[LogicalPsycho]

Nobody calls a young mum a 'terrible human being' when she decides to give up her baby for Adoption.

Nobody calls an elderly parent carer a "disgraceful selfish person" when the needs of someone with Dementia become too great that they decide to look for a care home.

Nobody tells a miserable married woman "Sorry, no Divorce for you- 'a Husband is for life' you know!"

From what I've seen on this thread, some people truly place the geographical location of a Dog, higher than the emotional and psychological wellbeing of a tired mother with two young DCs and Postnatal Depression.

Wow.

[ImsorryTommy]

I genuinely don't understand why some people seem to consider pets as exactly the same as humans. All the 'why don't you just give up your children if they're a problem eh?' attitude as if there is any comparison whatsoever.

I think you've fucked up yes. It's not right that you took on the responsibility of animals when you were in a different phase of your life and now things have changed you'd prefer not to have them. It is horrible and you should have thought of it before but you didn't so it's a bit late now.

But if you can't cope and you genuinely don't think that'll change then you need to prioritise your health and happiness.

I gave up a cat to a rescue after 2 years of scratching and biting when the mood took him. I could deal with that. But when he starting pissing on everything and I spent loads of money on vets, plug-ins, behaviourists and nothing made any difference - I gave him to a rescue and gave them full information of why.

I was fucking miserable. He'd sit in the litter tray but balance his arse over the edge so the piss ran underneath and you didn't know till you picked it up and got your hands covered in piss. Then I'd be going about my day with everyone (and me!) smelling cat piss but not knowing where from because he'd pissed in my shoes or bag and it dried so I didn't notice till later when the smell heated up.

I'd tried everything. I'm sure some of the posters here will still think I was a terrible person and compare it to a child or an elderly relative. It's not the same at all. It's a pet and I'm sorry but I think they do come second to the health and happiness of a human.

[Blackfellpony]

I was devoted to my dogs pre DC and would be lying if I said they hadn't taken a back seat.

I do love them and still walk and play with them however they do add stress to my life so I suppose in that respect I can see why people do get rid. I just couldn't though as the guilt would cripple me and it's not any of their fault I got pregnant.

[Parker231]

Pets are not disposable. It's not their fault you had DC's after you got your pets.

[RodeoDriveBaby]

JESUS FUCKING WEPT WILL YOU RTFT.

[upperlimit]

Your mental health is not disposable. You work, have a child, the dogs are already in daycare, you can't forcibly make your shopping up his game, you've been doing this for a year. If you feel you have bottomed out of ideas, choose you.

[upperlimit]

Shopping = your dh

[PookieDo]

I had 2 cats and one died I was devastated. The younger cat is fine but he drives me insane and I find him really hard work. I wouldn't want anything to happen to him though

[LittleBooInABox]

YABU and you know it.

But your family, your pets, and your house. Just don't get anymore if your gonna dump them when it no longer suits you.

[Tinseleverywhere]

Op I agree your health, mental and physical is the most important thing. However I don't think you should get rid of the pets. You clearly love those wee beasties and are just overwhelmed at present and I think you will feel guilty if you get them rehomed. I know you are suffering with pnd so you may need to ensure the treatment you are getting for that is working and get some extra support until you feel better. Once you are well again I think you can sort this out with some help.
I would go for the dog walker option and if you get a good one they will work on the lead pulling issue for you and can advise you on training.
Work on training them not to bark. This can be done. But don't worry if they bark around the baby. Babies get used to noises they hear all the time and will learn to sleep through it. Just don't stress out about it. Babies really respond to your mood, if you are a bit down and anxious about the dogs the baby will be affected. If you are relaxed and calm the baby's mood should improve too. So get yourself better and don't let all the OTT stuff on this thread upset you.

[GloriaV]

I had the DH wouldn't follow the rules problem - hence I have no animals now and don't intend to have one until I 'm ready.

I would get a dog walker - I got alot of interest when I advertised for someone for my DM's old dog. And didn't pay much. Better still if someone is interested in doing a bit of training too.
Or I think perhaps rehome and just make up your mind that is probably best for the dogs in the long run. Or the other option is to start proper training with an expert advising.
As for the cat - is it happy in a home with useless DH, two small DCs and two dogs????

[CheeseAtFourpence]

Sorry - missed the bit about daycare. I had horrendous PND and found it all overwhelming with 1 DC and 1 DDog but I honestly think you need to get help for the PND. A dog is for life. I could never part with mine.

[LDN17]

It's easy to overestimate how easy it will be, or underestimate how hard it will be. Either way, if you can't cope with your pet anymore now that you have a child (who is a bigger priority), then I don't think you are being unreasonable to give your pet up.

[Milkmachine15]

Op I was in your position a while back... we had a dog and 2 kids, and I couldn't cope. i couldn't walk him as he was too strong and would just pull and in the house he became a nightmare. Then because he was bored he would trash the garden and conservatory as I'd have to shut him out while the kids were playing otherwise he'd become too excitable trying to play with them and knock them over. He was a lovely dog but became too much when I couldn't give him the time and attention he needed. We made the decision to regime him and got the new owners home checked through a local rescue so he didn't just go to anyone. And as much as I miss him he has a lovely life now with an older couple who take him out for hours at a time and give him the attention he needs. It was the right decision for us and for him as his quality of life has improved so much!! And my life is a lot easier, the kids now have more space and can use the garden again and I don't have to worry about any of them getting hurt( not through him being horrible, just clumsy!) I'm not saying just rehome him if you feel like your situation may change as become more manageable but if it is what's best for them and for you long term then I think you're right to find them somewhere else.

[ShmooBooMoo]

I don't think you're a terrible person, although I was a bit at the 'financial drain' comment. I'm not too sympathetic in that regard as people know pets cost money to look after (and it sounds like you have the money but want to channel it elsewhere).
I think you owe it to your pets to at least not just drop them in the nearest RSPCA or Dogs Trust. Could you find them good homes amongst family or friends?
Cats are easier to look after because they are usually more self-sufficient. I'd be concerned that your dog(s) may be being neglected anyway given your busy schedule and your growing resentment towards them.
BTW, do you think you are just overwhelmed right now? Could you DP do anything to take the pressure of you a little (eg walk the dogs)? Have you thought of incorporating quality time with your DC and dogs? Eg all going off to the park together? I personally think it's nice to grow up around pets and if they are good with your DC I would at least try to see if I could rejig things to allow me to keep them. I couldn't imagine getting rid of my dog though so I may not be the best to advise...
In any case, do what is fairest to your pets.