To consider giving up pets now we have kids

[Hermitmummy]

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much.

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

[Booboobooboo84]

Have you tried just laying down with them having a big hug and a sob. If they aren't being walked then their energy and tension builds. Can your husband start walking them. Or watching the baby while you do.

Anyone you know/ neighbours with kids age 14+ there are no Saturday jobs anywhere and for the sake of twenty quid a week for a few walks would be good for your sanity and theirs.

It sounds like your struggling again with you PND your husband needs to step up and support you fully. Don't give up on them. I know there are people who have posted things here describing dogs as dispensable but they clearly aren't to you. And I think if you put them in a rescue you would regret it. I keep seeing automatic ball dispensers advertised which aren't cheap but if it's in your budget might be something good for the garden.

[upperlimit]

You need to be brutally honest with yourself and those around you what you can and cannot manage.

Yes. This a thousand times. You don't need to garner approval from others to do whatever you need to do to protect your mental health.

[EezerGoode]

I felt like that a bit last year.ddgog was super needy and became hard work..I was struggling with 4 kids .2 with Sen.really thought about trying to find another home for ddog ..this was last Xmas.thankgod I didn't try to rehome him...turns out he was ill,he died this year...it was a long illness of vets visits and nothing could be done....the guilt I felt at the thoughts I'd had of rehoming him...well I've got to live with that.

[Hullabaloo31]

I think you are BU to rehome for those reasons - what happens if you have another child and the toddler wakes the new baby when napping, rehome your first-born? Of course not (and it is REALLY bloody annoying!).

But you do sound like you're struggling and so I'd definitely explore ways of getting some help. Are there any neighbourhood teens that would want to earn a few quid walking them for you etc?

[LotisBlue]

I can understand where you are coming from, I totally lost interest in our cat for the first year or so of each DC's life. She was still fed and well cared for, before anyone tells me what a terrible person I am! I just didn't spend so much time harassing her for cuddles / worrying about which flavour cat food she preferred.

For me it was just a reaction to having a small baby, I didn't have any spare physical or emotional energy for a pet. So I would say that you should give it a few more months or a year - provided that the animals are being well cared for.

I think it is great for children to grow up around animals, and in another few months your child will be a toddler and (hopefully) sleeping better and you will have more energy to devote to the animals.

However, I only had one cat so I imagine that two dogs are a lot more work!

[Booboobooboo84]

Eezer don't feel guilty for having the thought. In the extreme heat the other week my dog came and got in the bath with me. I considered throwing the hairy bugger out the window for that. Doesn't make me a terrible person. Everyone has these thoughts it's all about what you do. And I'm so sorry for your loss x

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Oh yes This2017 has it spot on just get rid of them, get on with your life and all will be tickety-boo.
Life's too short? Life will seem like a fecking eternity for the animals fermenting in Rescue after being in a loving family home.
Good job there are all these lovely homes waiting...............oh, hang on. There AREN't that's why we have 1000s of animals in Rescue who will never be homed .

You have responsibilty , its your choice if you embrace them or shirk them.

Your DH is a dick eh? Well if he's a dick with two hands he can hold a lead and walk them.

You can do one walk, he can do another -decide who watches the DC, the other dog walks.
Can be done.

[LexieLulu]

If you can cope for a little longer, I promise it will get better and your children will love growing up with pets.

We have 2 dogs (and 2 guinea pigs), and now my daughter (13m) runs to the kitchen door in the morning to go get them, giggles when they run about and will cuddle them.

My son who is almost 4, is best friends with dog (he's claimed one) and is never far away.

It is hard, you will resent them on tough days, but eventually you'll be so grateful they are part of your family

[lovemycatsanddog]

I hate to see thingslike this, things will get better, just get more organised
I wouldnt give mine up for anything,
I recently well 2 years ago rehomed a dog someone wanted rid of because they had a crawling baby, they brought her to me, and she cried when they left her, animals feel pain and upset, and cant understand why they have to go,she settled quickly but i cant forget her sat at the door crying
Please persevere, if you really cant,then plese dont advertise them free to good homes,they are at risk of being used for bait ,etc

[Tottyandmarchpane1]

Not Unreasonable at all. Life changes, pets are not the same as children (although obv some people feel they are). My cat went to live with my mum when my first was born - the cat hated my attention not being on her and I hated her clinginess (which I never had before but hey, life changes). She was much happier as was I. I don't feel one ounce of guilt. If you can find good, loving homes then I would go for it whatever people on here say - it's your life and you need to do what is right for you.

[PetalsOnPearls]

Lots of other things to try before you rehome OP.

Firstly, can you post to get a dog walker for a couple of days a week? Can you get a babysitter for a couple of hours over the week so you can walk them?

I honestly think dogs can help PND in the long run - they are companions, they get your out, and they get you active.

With regards to the barking - can you try white noise on for when baby sleeps? Make sure you discipline the dogs so they know not to bark (we have a barker, he is also a guarder so he barks whenever he feels there is a threat to our property - it's hard because he doesn't fully understand the difference between burglar and blackbird). Definitely worth teaching them "bark" as a command, and quiet times the rest of the time though -heap reward on them.

Enrol your husband in dog training classes so he has to take responsibility for his dickish behaviour and their doggie behaviour!

[pixieg1rl]

You sound overwhelmed OP; don't be hard on yourself it's an overwhelming time of life.

Is it just the barking, or is it other things as well? If you are struggling to find time to walk them every day can you get some help? Either a family member, a friend, a dog walker or walkmydog might provide some respite from this if it's an issue.

You could try something like an Adaptil plug in if you think the dogs are stressed. I only know people who have used feliway (the cat equivalent) but they do seem to work.

Can someone take the baby (when it's better) for an hour to give you a chance to take the dogs on a walk by yourself? Getting out of the house without the little one might also help you and your feelings.

We had to re-home our dog when DS was about 3, she had become unhappy, and aggressive and not a dog that liked little children (which we didn't find out until we had her for a few years and DS came along). Some people might think that what we did was unforgiveable, but we know she's happy with her new owner who has a calmer, child free home and lots of time and love to devote to her.

[Spudlet]

Bloody hell op, you poor thing. No wonder you're at the end of your tether. And as for the people on here piling on - shame on you all, and that's from someone who used to work in animal welfare. You'll have achieved fuck all for animal welfare here and have made a vulnerable person feel even worse, no doubt [slow handclap].

You need help op, and you need strategies to deal with this. Borrow My Doggy is a really good idea. However, remember that mental stimulation is also important. Can you do some fun trick training in the garden while the baby sleeps? This will also help you to rebond with your dogs.

Dogs love routine - I used to walk mine at morning naptime when DS was at that age. He slept while we walked. For pulling, have you tried headcollars? They are not a magic solution but they can help IME. A dog walker would be a fantastic idea, as well.

You need and deserve help for your PND. Please be cleverer than I was and ask for it. You don't have to do this alone.

And finally, your husband needs to step up. Does he know how you're feeling?

[VintagePerfumista]

OP- yes you should rehome them.

But you should also not have pets ever again.

Sadly, IME the people who can't cope with animals when they have other things to cope with are the same people who give in and buy their 4 yr old a dog the minute the 4 yr old wants one.

Please don't.

I'm not judging you, honestly. If you can't cope, you can't cope.

But don't have any more.

Because there will be other reasons why you can't cope.

And, simply, for anyone to consider getting rid of their animals because of a child in the house, really does mean they are not cut out for anything more than a goldfish.

[PetalsOnPearls]

OP, just another thought - if you have a college near you that does animal care qualifications you may want to ask them for some help with dog care and dog walking; i am sure they would love to have some added experience.

Also, this is technically for the elderly and people who are terminally ill, but it may be worth contacting the Cinnamon Trust for some advice, they may have local contacts who can help you out for a short period of time.

[Orroco]

Why not rehome the kids instead? They are much more time consuming and expensive.

HTH

[EezerGoode]

Thanks boo84. That's kind of you.febuary and we knew he was going..we knew we didn't have long with him..then it hits you..shit we are a man down,one of us is going...they are members of the family .yeah hit us all hard..but so many people would say ,oh just get another one,it's only a dog,would piss me right off,clearly no idea how we felt.

[Stopnamechanging]

Sorry Spudlet, I care not one jot for your 'slow hand clap'. I care about animals who cannot speak for themselves and will end up being dumped in rescue for other people to deal with. Often the emotional problems that particularly dogs have after being given up, mean they are very difficult to re home.

There is no point in patting op on the head and telling her that all will be well and it's the best thing to do.

Borrow my doggy is not going to solve this.

Obviously she will have tried a dog walker as that is the most obvious thing to do first. It's clearly not a financial issue as they were in kennels for some time while work was being done.

[PetalsOnPearls]

Ps. My dog is also a total dick when he comes back from his holidays at the kennels. He totally needs to remind us and him that he is part of the family too, and as he can't talk he does this by the constant shadow and toilet perving behaviour.

I do honestly find this a lot easier to cope with when I take a step back and tell myself it's just the only way he can commute to me that he still wants to be part of the family; I am then grateful he cannot actually speak because I am sure in the days post-kennel trips he'd be effing and blinding, slamming doors and having a good old rant.

The shadow and toilet perving behaviour is definitely the lesser of the two evils Just to reassure you, you are definitely not a lone with post-kennel K9 shadows, it does get better after they've had their "say".

[SlothMama]

You are unreasonable OP, sorry.

These animals don't deserve to be got rid of purely because they are now an inconvenience for you! There are thousands of unwanted pets waiting in rescues for new homes.

If you do decide to get rid of them please never get another animal to add to the problem of unwanted animals.

Try getting a dog walker or putting them on borrow my doggy, they are probably bored or frustrated due to not being walked. Ask friends, family or even neighbors if they could help you out with walking them. If I knew someone in this situation I'd happily walk their dogs for them.

[Hermitmummy]

We tried a halti head collar for the worst offender but he still pulls, he's a bit head strong I was afraid he would hurt himself.

[PetalsOnPearls]

"Obviously she will have tried a dog walker as that is the most obvious thing to do first."

Many people don't know about borrowmydoggy - and the OP may not have tried "the most obvious thing to do first" because she's suffering from PND, has been through a stressful situation with a house remodel and has a young, and ill child.

[LakieLady]

I can't walk them at the moment as they pull and it's too dangerous with the baby, all the training I'd previously done with them has gone out the window as my husband is a dick and isn't consistent with commands.

I'm not surprised they are fretful then. They are feeling insecure after a period in kennels and are bored and understimulated. What breed are they?

Have you tried a halti head collar for the pulling? They work well on some dogs.

When baby naps, play with them, groom them and generally give them some attention. And please hire a dog walker!

[gandalfspants]

*husband is a dick
*
This is your problem.

Unless he works away he needs to be either walking the dogs or taking the baby so you can (I'd suggest one of each per day).

What sets the barking off? My dogs bark if there's someone approaching the door and not much else (occasionally next doors dogs will bark so much they feel the need to reply). I've had no luck stopping them, but I've not put much effort in to be honest (DD is a heavy sleeper once she's down thankfully).

Borrow My Doggy or a paid dog walker sound like a good idea if DH is away.

[plantsitter]

I'm sure the OP is long gone unless she's so depressed she needs to punish herself by reading posts about how irresponsible she is.

Therefore any tickings off are a bit pointless other than to indulge yourselves in a bit of self-righteous rage.