To consider giving up pets now we have kids

[Hermitmummy]

I know the answer is yes, they are part of the family but I'm completely overwhelmed by 1 year old DC and animals.

They've recently been away to kennels/cattery while we had work done in the house and life was so much easier! They've been back a week and I'm already feeling resentment towards them

I feel like they are an emotional and financial drain and they take away time i could be devoting to DC, before I got pregnant I would never of dreamed of giving them up but now it just seem all too much with work and the housework and the baby add in the animals and it's all too much.

Go ahead and tell me I'm a terrible person.

YANBU, OP, they're just animals
Horrible person

Yes yabu.
Why do you have kids and then think you can just discard your pets?
I hope you never have another pet again then.
All of pets are peoples unwanted but once loved pets.
None of my friends or family that have had kids have got rid of their pets, because they're family.

I think that the main problem with some people is that they get a dog as either a substitute for a baby or as some kind of training for a baby. Then, when they get an actual baby they lose interest in the dog. Those are people who deserve to have their pets taken away and banned from either having another.

On the other hand there are people who want a pet because they want a pet and then have a baby and both the pet and the baby become their family. I think you are in the second group,rather than the first because you are on here trying to get help.

I have two kids and three dogs and although it's an unpopular opinion on mn I can honestly say I love them the same. However, I didn't have PND and my kids are older. However, I have suffered from depression and I found that the company of my dogs was helpful and comforting.

I think your problem is that you are coping with everything and not having the support of your husband. If that doesn't change then rehomimg the pets isn't going to make a difference long term.

I had to rehome my cat when DD was 6 months old. I was devastated but thankfully she went to a family member.

She was very attached to me and my husband before DD came along but literally she hid under my bed for 6 months solid. She wouldn't go near me, she was terrified of the baby and couldn't cope with the change. I couldn't groom her (indoor Persian) because she wouldn't let me. I was having to take her to the vets to get shaved as she was getting matted. She wouldn't let me anywhere near her. She is more content now with my inlaws although she still hides when we visit with our two dc. She'll never feel as happy with anyone as she did with us before DC came along and for that I feel tremendous guilt, even although I know in my heart of hearts there was no other solution.

Sometimes situations present themselves where rehoming is the only option. If you can make it work though, thats a different matter.

I think some people need to stop anthropomorphising dogs. I love dogs, they are fantastic, but they aren't human. They aren't capable of human emotions. They are capable of dog emotions. It just isn't within their capacity to care about geographic location

They honestly don't know or care where they live, as long as they have love and food. My MILs dog belonged to a homeless person and lived on the streets. He was perfectly happy with this. His owner loved him and lots of people fed him. When his owner died, the dog went to a rescue, where my PIL got him. Guess what, he's now a perfectly happy dog with them.

My old boy who died recently had been in and out of rescue three times before we got him, due to sad circumstances in his original home. He was perfectly happy; loved by his owners and his foster careers. When the owners finally had to give him up, we got him and he was the happiest dog ever. He settled in in five minutes flat like he'd always been there.

It's far better for a dog to be loved in a new home than a burden in its current home.

They honestly don't know or care where they live, as long as they have love and food.
Beg to differ.
My dps nan has her friends cat after it no longer liked living with her and her new dog.
She never fed it. She kept finding it in the house. ( he went to others houses to eat, but kept going to her house every night to sleep).
I took my one of mil cats as he became attached to me.
I rarely did any feeding. He still stuck to me like a limpet. Slept with me, constantly on me when i was there.
There was no way when we moved that we could have left him.
He was also a stray my mil took in so thought he would have been very attached, but no.
He'd found his owner

kali

You and I generally agree on animal threads but have a little compassion here. PND stops you thinking rationally and drains you emotionally. When I had it I just wanted to crawl into a ball and die - I would happily never have set eyes on my (much loved) cats again.

Hermitmummy, you're clearly overwhelmed at the moment so I bet you don't really want to get rid of your pets, it's just a cry for help isn't it? I really hope so because signing them over to a rescue centre is not the easy option...for them. So please try everything before you consider that route. Also, your PND won't last forever, but if you give up your pets that won't change, you can't get them back if they've been adopted. I don't know about you but that would haunt me for ever.

What I would suggest is that you make a list (I love lists BTW) as it helps break a problem down into manageable chunks. For example:

Your PND...go back to the GP for advice

Barking dog...could you get a behaviourist to visit to see if any changes could be made to sort that? Might be something really simple.

Doggy daycare...you say they go but they don't appear knackered when they get home. Do you know how much exercise they're getting there?

Pulling dog...get your DH to walk them. Or get him to walk the worst offender whilst you stay home with baby and other dog, then you swap and you walk the one that walks better on the lead. Or your DH take them to training classes so he can learn how to teach them!

Your DH...is he pulling his weight? If not make a list (told you I like lists ) of the things you want changing.

I really wish we used pet licenses in the U.K. Then we could easily stop people like the op from ever having another animal.

Op, whatever you decide, please do not ever get another pet.

Really terfing? In order to apply for a license would you have to see into the future and predict that you would never suffer a debilitating mental illness?

YANBU, OP, they're just animals. Rehome and get on and enjoy your life. It's too short to be burdened with an animal you don't want.

I will call you some nasty names now. But I will replace each nasty word with the name of a fruit so as to not break the sacred talk guidelines.

You are an apple. A great pig pile of oranges. You need to be told you are a kiwi. A really disgusting banana is what you are.

?? So even if I work through everything and keep the animals I can't ever have another pet again because I once considered giving them up

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who has given positive comments and suggestions I'm feeling much better now after a glass of wine and I'm having sofa snuggles with the pain in arses themselves with a glass of wine.
Dh has even offered me a night in a hotel on my own if I need it

Hopefully we can figure something out that works for all of us

I don't own a pet or have a baby but for goodness sake Hermit please take your husband up on his offer re: the hotel

At one point, my life got so busy I couldn't give my cats the love and attention they needed. I'd sit down at around 9.30 totally exhausted and they would come and sit on my knee, which had always been welcome. But suddenly I hadn't got the energy, physical or emotional, to stroke them. I just needed some time in the day when I wasn't giving to anyone or anything.

Eventually I rehomed them through a charity. The lady who took them was very happy to have them and they were loved and cared for. I feel I did the right thing. It was a difficult decision, but I have no regrets.

I really wish we used pet licenses in the U.K. Then we could easily stop people like the op from ever having another animal

You need an official stamp of official approval, ie a License, to be approved as a Foster or Adoptive Parent. People have to jump through years of hoops to be approved.
Yet the amount of adults who have told tales of their neglect and abuse as children by the hands of their foster/adoptive parents, is staggering.
With respect, a licence means fuck all.

Terfing
I really wish we used pet licenses in the U.K. Then we could easily stop people like the op from ever having another animal

You need a license to Marry.
So by your principle, if you or your husband fuck up and need to divorce, you should be barred from ever getting a license to marry anyone else again?

I'm dying to know if you hold pet relationships to a higher standard than human ones.

I used a dog walker when my babies were small (and I didn't have half as much going on as you do op). It meant the dogs were out of the house for a couple of hours every day and came home exhausted.

My friend uses a citrus spray collar to stop her dog barking. I think it's noise activated? Anyway, when she needs the dog not to bark she puts the collar on her and any barking results in a puff of spray. Now the dog just knows not to bark when wearing the collar. Dont know if they're considered an unpleasant solution - just know it worked when my friend was absolutely at the end of her tether.

My friend uses a citrus spray collar to stop her dog barking...Dont know if they're considered an unpleasant solution - just know it worked when my friend was absolutely at the end of her tether.

I think they're generally frowned upon because they don't look at why the dog is barking, they just stop the symptoms. So if the dog is barking due to anxiety then it can become even more anxious because on top of its issues it also gets sprayed by stinky liquid! I think using them in an emergency whilst waiting for a behaviourist appointment is one thing, but using them instead of training is wrong.

Hermit, I'm glad you sound more cheerful
In case you're not aware, there's a dog section on MN which you might find helpful:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse

I'm glad you sound happier. I'm normally one to judge people who give up on pets too easily, but you aren't one of those feckless owners. Enjoy your furry snuggles and do take up your husband's offer. Hell, even consider leaving the baby and pets at home with a suitable babysitter and have a night to yourselves if you can.

It'll all be fine.

There are some truly disgusting people on this thread.

OP I am so glad you are feeling relaxed. Have a lovely weekend

YABU. You made a commitment for their whole lives, not just while it suited you. They haven't chosen any of this.

Funnily enough, the OP probably didn't choose PND!

Go for the night in a hotel!

You need to breathe!

V best of luck