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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anyone NOT regret having kids?!

220 replies

user1491297286 · 16/05/2017 14:51

Just recently I’ve noticed an influx of threads where parents have admitted that they regret having children and the negative impact it has had on their lives. I was surprised how many people feel this way, especially when social media is full of posts from parents glamorising parenthood and telling us all how amazing it is (call me naïve but having not had children myself - I tended to believe them!)

I have to say, as someone who was desperately looking forward to parenthood, I’m concerned Confused…. Is it really that bad?!

OP posts:
TipBoov · 16/05/2017 14:52

I sometimes miss the freedom and spontenaity that I had pre-children, but I definitely don't regret having them at all.

JustAWestcountryGirl · 16/05/2017 14:53

In my experience it is both incredibly hard and wonderful.
Nothing worth having comes without a cost!

TwitterQueen1 · 16/05/2017 14:53

No, not at all. I have 3 wonderful children who are the lights of my life. Of course there are hard times and sleepless nights but I have never for one single millisecond regretted having them. They have bought me so much joy and love and happiness.

namechange20050 · 16/05/2017 14:55

I have one child, he's nearly two and he's an absolute joy. Watching him grow and learn and take so much joy from the world is quite amazing. I love being his mum.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 16/05/2017 14:56

I love having kids. It has hugely improved my life, and adds a new layer of meaning. I was ambivalent about having children until a year or so before we decided to ttc, I did have a fun interesting life before, but much better now.

NellieFiveBellies · 16/05/2017 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KavvLar · 16/05/2017 14:57

My two Dds are the best things that have ever happened to me. I have no regrets. Absolutely none.

What I would urge caution on is who you have them with. Part of the reason I'm content is because I have amazing DH who does not view childcare and house work as solely my job, and is happy for me to pursue other interests, career, and hobbies as well as my family life. He has worked p/t for a bit and looked after the kids, as have I.

I've found friends have not been as fortunate and that is part of where problems start, if you're in a situation where your life completely changes but your DPs remains the same.

Best thing in the world though. Absolutely recommend it.

wasonthelist · 16/05/2017 14:57

No regret from me - when DD was born I had an overwhelming feeling that this was the actual point of my life. I realise that is genetic but I wouldn't change a thing.

pottered · 16/05/2017 14:57

there was a similar thread on here recently - there are lots of people that don't regret having children. Mine are the highlight of every day, even though I wish I got more sleep, more rest and was less haggard - I wouldn't change any of it. Except I might start earlier and push one more out :)

Having kids can make you more tired and day to day grumpy if you don't sleep, so you hear a lot of whingeing about that, but they can fundamentally make you a happier person.

flapjackfairy · 16/05/2017 14:58

Absolutely not i love it all and never want them to grow up though sadly lost that battle with 3 out of the 5 so making the most of the early years with those still little !

littlejeopardy · 16/05/2017 14:59

Nah. Love my girl even though the first year was hell. Bloody sleep deprivation!

I think one of the best things about life with children is that it takes so little to be over the moon happy and content. A cuddle, a stupid laugh over something silly, holding hands. There are lots of tiny moments that are wonderful in ordinary days that weren't quite the same before.

That's not to say I cherish every moment, but there are more moments to cherish, and they out weigh all the shit moments.

JacquesHammer · 16/05/2017 14:59

Absolutely 100% no regrets especially now I am a single parent. It's just perfect.

My only regret is that I couldn't have any more

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/05/2017 14:59

I have two children, 2y8m and 3 weeks. Best thing I've ever done, but the hardest.

showmeislands · 16/05/2017 14:59

No regrets. I have one young son and he is the best thing I've ever done. And I had a full and active life before. Hey

Areyoufree · 16/05/2017 14:59

Which threads are these? Can't say I've noticed any. Of course I don't regret having kids. It's wonderful! And rewarding! (This is what parents say to all people considering having children... We want to lure you in... And then laugh hollowly when you discover the truth.)

Nah, it's fine. Although I never understood the 'rewarding' thing. When do I get my reward?

Wecks · 16/05/2017 14:59

Never for one second of the last 22 years.
My only regret is not starting younger (was 37 / 40) and not having more than 2.

Madammim17 · 16/05/2017 15:00

It is both incredibly hard and incredibly wonderful and despite the times where I feel I could pull my hair out, I can't imagine life without DS. I do miss the freedom and independence and ease of life that I took for granted before, but none of that compares to how much I love my boy!

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 16/05/2017 15:01

I've never regretted having DD. I've had difficult times (prem baby, acid reflux) but the good times far outweigh that.
I think what you are seeing are the two completely opposite sides - the shiny perfect media image and the exhausted, exasperated parent having a tough time posting on an anonymous forum. I should imagine most parents are somewhere in between these two. I think it's good that people can be honest and share how they really feel here especially when this topic can be taboo IRL.

Blinkyblink · 16/05/2017 15:01

No regrets. Not even a teeny tiny minuscule regret.

silkpyjamasallday · 16/05/2017 15:01

Well for me becoming a mum has been entirely positive. I was suicidal before I found out I was pregnant and had been severely depressed for years beforehand and my anxiety was crippling. All gone the moment she was born and I feel the best I ever have despite the broken sleep and being constantly switched on. Being a mother has given me a purpose and something to live for.

I am only 22 though and perhaps if I was an older mum I would miss my old life and resent the changes that children inevitably make from the moment they arrive. It must be hard to change from over a decade of adulthood and being able to make totally selfish decisions and not have any real responsibility to suddenly your life having to revolve around another person. I haven't had that and never had anything that I really wanted to do, I just did what was expected of me in going to uni and because I was good academically I felt I had to pursue it. I am happiest as a SAHM and will maybe see if I want to work once dd is at school if by that point I have something I would like to do. But currently I am perfectly content.

But the internet generally seems to be a place for people to vent anonymously about problems, people don't come to talk about the good things, they are shared on social media. Neither is a balanced view of reality.

MyHairNeedsASnip · 16/05/2017 15:02

No regrets, wish I could have another one

SylviaPoe · 16/05/2017 15:02

I don't regret having mine, despite having them with the wrong person.

They're wonderful adults and good friends. I'm lucky to have them in my life.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 16/05/2017 15:02

Also I think it has a lot to do with people's expectations, especially as you say, it's glamourised in the media.

Funnyonion17 · 16/05/2017 15:02

Not for a minute have I ever regret my children. At times I'm exasperated and I don't enjoy them. However for me personally they are the most important part of my life and always will be. Their happiness and quality of life is my life purpose really.

I do a lot for myself yea, I can at times make mistakes and be slightly selfish etc. But ultimately they are my world. Sounds cheesy but it is what is is.

Eminybob · 16/05/2017 15:04

Definitely no regrets. It is hard, I'm tired all the time but DS is such a joy and I enjoy the things we do together as a family.
We started a family late so had a lot of time before ds came along where we did our relaxing holidays and expensive restaurants and nights out. It's different now, but I was ready for that change.