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Original poster

Does anyone NOT regret having kids?!

220 replies

user1491297286 · 16/05/2017 14:51

Just recently I’ve noticed an influx of threads where parents have admitted that they regret having children and the negative impact it has had on their lives. I was surprised how many people feel this way, especially when social media is full of posts from parents glamorising parenthood and telling us all how amazing it is (call me naïve but having not had children myself - I tended to believe them!)

I have to say, as someone who was desperately looking forward to parenthood, I’m concerned Confused…. Is it really that bad?!

OP posts:
Designerenvy · 16/05/2017 20:14

No, they are the best decision I've ever made. They exhaust me and push my buttons sometime a lot but I'd never regret having them. It sounds cheesy but they are my everything! They make me laugh, make me cry and make me very proud.
U don't know worry til you've had kids though, especially in the first year....I personally worried about everything with ds 1 ....poor ds3 is practically rearing himself Grin.... I relaxed into motherhood overtime!

HelsinkiLights · 16/05/2017 20:14

I've never regretted having my DD.
I love her unconditionally even when she's making me want to tear my hair out (pre-teen & a drama llama.)
She's beautiful, funny, kind & extremely stubborn but she's the best thing that ever happened to me & DH.
Though occasionally I wish you could take the batteries out for a few hours peace & quiet 😊

Jenwen22 · 16/05/2017 20:19

I miss sleep a lot and the sometimes I misd the ability to just go out when I want too with no thought about anything. However my son is my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. It can be hard but then anything worth having is. And Hes worth it!

kittensinmydinner1 · 16/05/2017 20:30

I think that many people don't realise that you need to be in a place in your life where you are selfless enough to want children.
Children will NOT fix a relationship that's on the rocks. A child cannot be forced upon another person. It is all very well to trust out the old adage about it taking two to tango but unless you have BOTH discussed having a baby and BOTH actively want a baby - then parenthood is not starting off with the best chance.

It takes two to conceive a child but ultimately it's the mothers decision to grow that pregnancy into a child. If that is not a joint decision then life WILL be tougher. Single parenthood is hard. No ifs or buts and whilst many many parents do it really well it's not what most would choose, given that choice.
I think there is too much baby making with insufficient thought . Too much baby making with selfish partners who are either not ready or incapable of putting children first. And yes, sometimes with selfish mothers who just 'want a baby' a bit like they want a new mobile and have not got the backup, maturity or support to see that baby through childhood.

Mrsknackered · 16/05/2017 20:31

I will never regret my children they are the most amazing little people, I do regret the circumstances that they were born into (not that I had a crystal ball) but it definitely has made it a lot harder.

MyOpe · 16/05/2017 20:34

all this love my children "unconditionally" crap really gets my goat too! what a load of American B.S!

Plus threads like this always encourage the stepford wives to come out in force!

notgivingin789 · 16/05/2017 20:48

This will probably sound totally daft, but I would say that the only thing that I regret about having my ds is that I love him so much. I do worry about what I would do if something happened to him. I don't regret any of the sleepless nights, loss of independence, poo and sick etc, but I find the love and responsibility that I feel for him sometimes overwhelming. I sometimes hanker back to the days when my biggest worry was how bad my hangover would be on a Sunday morning!! Now it's a constant worry about anything bad happening to ds

This ^^

Onsiequeen · 16/05/2017 20:55

I had my first child at 18, which was incredibly challenging but I never regretted her. I've recently become a mum again at 29 and I'm relishing every moment and enjoying it much more this time around because I'm in a more stable time in my life. Although having a baby attached to me 24/7 was still a bit of a shock to the system. I honestly think sometimes it just depends if your emotionally, financially and mentally in a good place. Don't get me wrong I'm sure we all love our children but it is very difficult at times but hugely rewarding.

MyOpe · 16/05/2017 21:30

My second point about the Stepford Wives was a bit harsh I guess! I was having a moment. I think many parents of young children are a bit Stepford Wife! I actually think the baby and toddler years mothers are in a kind of spiritual grace. But the "unconditional" love thing that people say about children is to my mind just not true and just American gobbledegood (and potentially dangerous).

However, the grind and worry of children for some people, especially as they get older, can be really exhausting at times, and I put myself in that category.

loveslipstick · 16/05/2017 21:32

I don't regret it but I also know too many people who had kids for the wrong reasons so I al not surprised there are people who do

thegoodnameshadgone · 16/05/2017 21:32

I regret not having more! I have one and would love another one.

Allthewaves · 16/05/2017 21:34

Life would be way too dull

No way

TheFirstMrsDV · 16/05/2017 21:34

Do you know what the phrase 'conditional love' means myOpe?

KP86 · 16/05/2017 21:35

I miss the laziness of my childfree days and sometimes I really don't want to be a parent (when you've said put your shoes on or pick up those toys 15 times in five minutes) but I don't regret my son and I don't ever wish we didn't have him. Even if there are days that are more bad than good, one good moment outweighs 10 bad ones. By a mile.

Parenthood is hard and unrelenting. There is no time off.

It's weird. Sometimes all I want is time alone yet when I am alone I miss him.

onemorecakeplease · 16/05/2017 21:37

I don't regret it at all but things are definitely harder than before.
Holidays, supermarket trips, going out in general....all a wee bit less enjoyable than before.
I was tired for a few years too..!
My son is quite hyper tho. If they are chilled out like dd is, it's much easier!

MuvaWifey77 · 16/05/2017 21:38

No only I don't regret but I am now petrified of my second child due soon,not being as wonderful,intelligent ,respectful, caring ,loving ,sassy as my first , I mean the boy is a genius , great at sports and with the biggest heart I've ever seen and he is my boy ! No regrets there! I have friends who regret having theirs because they really struggle with the kids, but they also give the kids zero discipline and all the crap food you can think of. I also don't regret not having much time for myself because I have girls night out or trips With friends when DH is free, so it's all balanced .

MuvaWifey77 · 16/05/2017 21:41

I struggle to understand why people think there's no time off when you're a parent. What does that mean? Is that because you work and have kids ? Honest question . :)

toomanyloos · 16/05/2017 21:48

My dcs bring me so much happiness. Of course they are exhausting and at times exasperating, but I only need to look at them and I find myself smiling. A little 'I love you mum' melts my heart. I absolutely adore them in a way that is indescribable to a non-parent.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals · 16/05/2017 21:55

Mine frustrate me beyond belief but they fill my life and make me the best version of myself, the doctors told me repeatedly my twins were at risk all the way to being born, so I laugh. I cry. I shout and I swear (not at them Grin) but I will never regret them. I love them dearly.

Trills · 16/05/2017 22:05

Some people like it
Other don't like it

Some thought about it thoroughly before doing it
Others did not

Some would have made a better decision if they had thought about it properly
Others made a good decision even though they had not thought about it thoroughly
Yet others had no way to know what they would prefer until they tried it

It sounds as if you are asking people to talk you into it... We don't know you and we don't know what you like or how you will feel

I personally find it very valuable that some people feel open enough to say that they do regret it - I would not want to live in a world where everyone said "nobody regrets it" when it's not true.

Valentine2 · 16/05/2017 22:07

Me! For about five seconds every time they do something funny. Then it all goes back to "what the hell was I thinking anyway?". Grin

jarhead123 · 16/05/2017 22:20

Certainly not! Don't know anyone who does?!

FanjoForTheMammaries · 16/05/2017 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelsinkiLights · 16/05/2017 22:59

Ope there are times we may not like our kids in particular, their behaviour or during their teenage years. But that doesn't mean we don't love them.
There are not any conditions my daughter has to fill to be loved by me.
From what I know about MrsDevere is that she would agree with the above in regards to her children.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 16/05/2017 23:02

I don't regret it now he's 34 Grin Had you asked me some years earlier the reply may not have been the same.

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