Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone NOT regret having kids?!

220 replies

user1491297286 · 16/05/2017 14:51

Just recently I’ve noticed an influx of threads where parents have admitted that they regret having children and the negative impact it has had on their lives. I was surprised how many people feel this way, especially when social media is full of posts from parents glamorising parenthood and telling us all how amazing it is (call me naïve but having not had children myself - I tended to believe them!)

I have to say, as someone who was desperately looking forward to parenthood, I’m concerned Confused…. Is it really that bad?!

OP posts:
YouWhatMate · 16/05/2017 15:57

There's an important lesson to be learned about bias here, OP.

Of course a thread that asks "Am I the only one who regrets having children?" will be largely responded to by other parents who regret having children.

And of course, a thread that asks "Does anyone NOT regret having kids?" will largely be responded to by parents who do not regret having kids.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 16/05/2017 15:59

The question is does anyone not regret having kids!
Which is a bit daft, really, you must know op there are billions of people delighted to be parents, delighted with their kids.

I think it's very good though that people who regret having kids are feeling able to speak out, finally: its about parenting having a massive change - not everyone can deal with it- and many of us do have a nostalgia for our freedom years, but most people adjust.

YouWhatMate · 16/05/2017 16:00

I never particularly liked going out spontaneously anyway, so I never even knew I had this "freedom" thing that I've supposedly lost Grin

mimiholls · 16/05/2017 16:01

deydododatdodontdeydo the question was 'does anyone NOT regret having kids', not 'does anyone regret NOT having kids'. So all the responses are entirely appropriate.

No I don't regret it at all but it is far far harder than I ever thought it would be.

rightsofwomen · 16/05/2017 16:01

deydododatdodontdeydo The question in the OP is "Does anyone NOT regret having kids?!" NOT "does anyone regret NOT having kids?".

It's unfortunate that you are criticising people for not reading a thread properly.

bookworm14 · 16/05/2017 16:01

I regretted it in the early hideous, sleep deprived months, but DD is now a toddler and I wouldn't be without her. She's an absolute joy and it's a privilege to be her mum.

I will say that I think there are two things which are essential if you want to enjoy having kids: 1) retaining something - job, hobby, whatever - that's independent from your identity as a parent and 2) a very supportive partner.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/05/2017 16:01

deydododatdodontdeydo I take it you didn't bother reading the OP then...

Of course I did.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/05/2017 16:02

Ok ok, I can't read today Smile

messofajess · 16/05/2017 16:04

While we are all here - what is your opinion and the best number of kids to have? I'm from a little army of 5, DP is from 3. I want loads and he only wants 2?

rightsofwomen · 16/05/2017 16:04

OP, I think it's more that it's really nothing like you expected rather than it being bad or something people regret.

I do not regret mine at all. Yes, I stay up too late to enjoy that quiet time when no one is asking anything of me and my 8 yo is very demanding.

I guess I didn't realise how much I valued my 'me time' until it was rudely snatched away!

BarbarianMum · 16/05/2017 16:06

Having children is the best thing I ever did. Don't regret it even for a second. I sometimes think about the other life i could have led (conservation biologist in Africa) bit still think that i made the right choice.

Orlandointhewilderness · 16/05/2017 16:07

I am a single mother with a 6 year old DD. We have always been on our own and having a child wasn't planned ever really! I have never, ever had one single moment of regret. It is bloody hard at times but she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

kaytee87 · 16/05/2017 16:07

I love having my ds, most amazing little person and he's only 9months. Can't wait to have more.

juneau · 16/05/2017 16:09

I don't regret having my kids, but it IS hard work and it HAS completely changed my life. Most of the changes have been positive, thank goodness, and my DC are really cool little people and I adore them. Do they drive me insane? Yup, but I wouldn't change them for the world.

I agree with the PP on page one who said 'be very careful who you have them with'. This is essential. So many people rush into having kids with a complete dickhead, not seeming to realise that they're going to be stuck with him in their life FOREVER! So choose your baby daddy wisely.

And remember that kids do grow up. Those hard days of babies/toddlers that you feel will never end - one day they do and you can have your life back - or bits of it anyway. But the more help you have from day one and the better your DP/DH/DW is the more positive and easy the experience will be.

NataliaOsipova · 16/05/2017 16:11

No! Not for a second. And I'm not a natural kiddie sort of person. Most worthwhile and wonderful thing I've ever done.

WaitrosePigeon · 16/05/2017 16:15

It's not bad for me. I like my kids.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 16/05/2017 16:17

I don't regret it for a second. I wish that DP had more time at home and that I had family nearby able to take them for an hour or two now and again, but other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.

RiversrunWoodville · 16/05/2017 16:17

The hardest thing I've ever done but that's only because I want them to have the best life possible and be the best mum I can be. Dd1 is challenging but I wouldn't change her for the world she was a preemie and we are lucky she is here and dd2 is only 2 and already so set in her own wee ways I can see a mini me I'm so proud of them and having lost twins would never for a second regret having them

Mummyamy123 · 16/05/2017 16:17

Zero regrets here. Love it, love them, love what they have done to my life!

LadyRoseate · 16/05/2017 16:19

I don't regret it - firstly because I love having my wonderful DC (despite the stress and hard work) and secondly because I wanted kids so much, that if I hadn't, I'd be very sad about that for the rest of my life (even though, from my vantage point now, I can see that it actually has its advantages).

I think what I do regret is not having a nice extended family (mine are dysfunction central, exP's no better) so that I could have had more of a break sometimes and someone to help in emergencies. And picking a partner who I didn't realise until too late was basically a selfish arse - so I ended up doing even more of the drudgery than I should have, and my career suffered too, because of his refusal to pull his weight and me having to do almost everything.

I also feel better about being a parent as time goes on, because as my DC get older I find it easier.

spiderlight · 16/05/2017 16:19

Absolutely no regrets. I just wish I'd had more.

Jemimapuddleduk · 16/05/2017 16:20

I don't regret it at all despite the PND, life limiting Illness and behavioural issues. They exhaust me and wind me up at times but they also light up my life and have made it considerably better. I'd have another if I wasn't so crap at getting pregnant, staying pregnant and hadn't had PND.

BetterEatCheese · 16/05/2017 16:20

No regret here at all. It was a massive adjustment and some things are harder, need to be approached in a different way etc but no regrets.

CoolioAndTheGang · 16/05/2017 16:22

It is hard work but I never regret having children. It is important to maintain your relationship with your OH after having children because children will grow up and have lives of their own.

Mulberry72 · 16/05/2017 16:25

I became very poorly with a life changing illness after I had DS, but I absolutely do not regret having him.

Even if I'd been told beforehand that I would be extremely ill, I'd still have gone ahead and had him. We've been through some very crappy times with this disease, but one look at DS face makes it all better!

Swipe left for the next trending thread