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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DP being U? (dog related)

222 replies

supersop60 · 07/05/2017 11:13

My daughter has been struggling with MH issues for about a year (I have posted before about this). She has a new therapist who has raised the idea of getting a dog. This idea is not new to us; dd has wanted a dog for years and DP has always said no. He grew up with dogs- Golden retrievers who are hairy and large, always had a place in front of the fire, were never washed or groomed, and gave him an allergic reaction. Even now when we visit PIL, the house smells of dog, there are hairs everywhere and DP starts sneezing.
My (and DC) have tried to tell him that we wouldn't have a large hairy dog, and it would be groomed, and we would hoover up any hair.
I think this would be essential for my dd's mental well being.
So, the latest is that he would grudgingly agree to a dog, but it should be an assistance dog, which would have as a puppy and then give away at 14 months.
I think that this would not help my dd in any way. AIBU?

OP posts:
SomethingBorrowed · 07/05/2017 11:16

If he has a dog allergy I kind of understand his point though...

RedheadLover · 07/05/2017 11:18

Well, giving away a dog at 14 months is surely not a viable option. That would be upsetting, surely?

Could you get another type of companion animal instead?

Trb17 · 07/05/2017 11:20

Giving away a dog would be detrimental to your DD's MH and I would not even consider it.

I think you should research and choose a breed that's small, low on allergens and doesn't shed much. Then your DP's concerns would be quashed.

booloobalooloo · 07/05/2017 11:21

My dh has a pet allergy and I find it really frustrating that it means we can't really have pets. I agree with you that having a dog that you give away rather defeats the point, tho any animal interaction can be good. What about her volunteering at somewhere like a kennels where she'd likely see dogs returning to visit so can still have a longer term bond?

Original poster
supersop60 · 07/05/2017 11:21

I totally understand about his allergy, hence our assurances.
What kind of companion animal, redheadlover?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 07/05/2017 11:22

Crazy idea - sounds like he wants to punish your DD!

Why is he keen to have a puppy (hard work) and then give it away just when it's starting to be trained? Reversing the idea, have you looked into assistance dog rehoming? Not just Guide Dogs (although they do have a scheme) but also Hearing Dogs and other charities have rehoming schemes for the dogs that don't go on to be suitable as assistance dogs.

Poodles are non-shedding/more likely to be suitable for allergy sufferers.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 07/05/2017 11:23

You can get dogs that dont shed so if you did some research this would perhaps help. I'm also allergic to dogs but have a lab-springer cross (because I am an idiot essentially, but an idiot who loves dogs), but in fairness my general tolerance to being around other animals is much better since having the dog.

SkeletonSkins · 07/05/2017 11:23

There are lots of small breeds which do not shed at all e.g. Schnauzers, poodles, bichons etc Be wary of the 'doodle' crossbreeds as they often do shed despite being advertised as non-shedding.

To be honest, and I'm sure others will disagree with me, I think having a dog would help your daughter a lot. Getting out every day, signing up to puppy classes and just being out and about with it does really help.

That said, a puppy is really really hard work at first. Have a look at the puppy survival thread in the doghouse to get an idea. It can mean broken nights sleep, toilet training issues, biting etc. You have to be prepared for that.

9GreenBottles · 07/05/2017 11:23

If having a dog in the home isn't possible because of allergies, have you investigated Borrow My Doggy or volunteering for the Cinnamon Trust?

SkeletonSkins · 07/05/2017 11:24

Agree that giving the dog away at 14 months is a stupid idea.

Costacoffeeplease · 07/05/2017 11:24

All family members have to be onboard with the idea of getting a dog - otherwise it's a recipe for disaster

witsender · 07/05/2017 11:25

We have a west highland terrier because I am allergic. They don't really shed so are very good for those who suffer.

glenthebattleostrich · 07/05/2017 11:25

I have a pet allergy bit can be around my dbros dogs. They are labridooddle type bit not that big. The poodle fur is low allergen apparently.

RedheadLover · 07/05/2017 11:27

I was thinking of any animal that wouldn't set off your DP's allergies. I've heard it's possible to be allergic to dogs but not cats, for example.

Or if you're really set on a dog, this article gives lots of tips about how to minimise pet allergies and contains a list of dogs which don't shed hair:

www.google.co.uk/amp/healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2010/07/29/amp/enjoy-the-good-life-with-your-pet-even-if-you-have-pet-allergies.aspx

Soubriquet · 07/05/2017 11:31

I think he's bu

My dh has an allergy to cats that could potentially kill him as it can trigger his asthma.

I really wanted a cat so we looked at all the breeds we could and got dh around some where he could walk out if he felt his allergies playing up.

Discovered that long haired breeds don't affect him so I got a long haired kitten

We've had her a year now and dh gets the sneezes every now and then but not asthma triggered allergies

Your dh could easily compromise with a small dog that is short coated or non moulter.

rookiemere · 07/05/2017 11:31

What age is your DD - I'm guessing teens? Personally I think her therapist is exceeding their remit somewhat - dogs can live for a very long time, what's the plan once DD has moved out of the house, who looks after it then ?

I can see you want to help your DD but this seems like a bit of a knee jerk reaction to it all. I can see that your DP's solution - whilst unworkable - is to limit the time that you'd have the dog. Another way of doing this would be to adopt an older dog, or go for the Borrow My Dog for walks. We take our neighbours dog for occasional walks ( agreed amongst ourselves) and will look after him for the odd night when they are away - might that be a way forward?

Pinkheart5917 · 07/05/2017 11:31

If he has a dog allergy why would he agree to get a dog at all? It's just not practical for any amount of time

To get one and give away at 14 months might upset your dd more than not having one?

Could you look at your dd volunteering at a dog centre? Offer to walk a friend/neighbours dog regularly?

To have a dog or any pet the whole family needs to be onboard or you don't get one, that simple really.

Look at a different type of pet, Rabbit?

hula008 · 07/05/2017 11:34

Obviously don't know the specifics, but agree with a pp in that I think the therapist is being a little inappropriate in her suggestion of getting a dog, unless she meant a service animal and not a pet.

HeddaGarbled · 07/05/2017 11:38

Getting a dog is not "essential" for your daughter's mental wellbeing. It may be helpful.

Getting a dog to which he has an allergic reaction will be damaging to his physical health.

He has suggested a compromise. It's a daft one but he's trying.

Your turn now. As PPs have suggested, do some really thorough research on breeds of dogs which may not trigger his allergy.

LadySalmakia · 07/05/2017 11:39

Slightly left field but my SIL has fancy rats for pets and they are so lovely! I was really wary at first but they are really bright little things, very dog like, you can train them to come when you call and all sorts. With key advantages - your DH may not be allergic, they are much smaller though do require handling regularly as pretty sociable, and they sadly don't live very long anyway - about two years, so if the experiment doesn't work you're not stuck for the 10-15 years for a dog.

Original poster
supersop60 · 07/05/2017 11:44

To be fair to the therapist - all she said was "have you thought about getting a dog?" It just fed into my dd's lifelong longing for one.

OP posts:
Zandra123 · 07/05/2017 11:47

I ended up rehoming a little bichon 18 months ago when his owner died. It's been a very positive experience for my son who suffers from anxiety and is socially isolated. The dog craves attention and is so loving and just wants to snuggle and have cuddles. The downside they are not a breed to be left at home and he likes the sound of his own bark but he's so happy and full of fun you can't help be happy too. He doesn't shed hair and so you have to factor in grooming costs.

Is DP being U? (dog related)
Zandra123 · 07/05/2017 11:48

Here he is

Is DP being U? (dog related)
SoupDragon · 07/05/2017 11:48

He isn't being unreasonable really, he doesn't want a dog. No one should be made to have an animal they don't want and to which they are possibly going to be allergic to.

I would look at volunteering with something like the Cinnamon Trust. I would imagine it would give a "doing good" boost along with the dog part.

Wolfiefan · 07/05/2017 11:49

If your DH is allergic to dogs then all the grooming and hoovering in the world won't stop him suffering.
Some dogs shed less but there's no such thing as an hypo allergenic dog.
You can't get a dog and give it up after a year.
See if you can find a breed he doesn't react to and will accept or find another way to help your DD.

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