Is DP being U? (dog related)

[supersop60]

My daughter has been struggling with MH issues for about a year (I have posted before about this). She has a new therapist who has raised the idea of getting a dog. This idea is not new to us; dd has wanted a dog for years and DP has always said no. He grew up with dogs- Golden retrievers who are hairy and large, always had a place in front of the fire, were never washed or groomed, and gave him an allergic reaction. Even now when we visit PIL, the house smells of dog, there are hairs everywhere and DP starts sneezing.
My (and DC) have tried to tell him that we wouldn't have a large hairy dog, and it would be groomed, and we would hoover up any hair.
I think this would be essential for my dd's mental well being.
So, the latest is that he would grudgingly agree to a dog, but it should be an assistance dog, which would have as a puppy and then give away at 14 months.
I think that this would not help my dd in any way. AIBU?

beautifulgirls is it because at that age they go to have more in depth training to be assistant dogs?
I don't think it would help dd's mh to give the dog up though.

Assistant dogs live in a foster home until old enough to go off for more intensive training and testing. The foster homes job is to do the basic training/toilet on command training and get the dog used to going into shops/on trains/on buses etc. They can buy the dog back again if it fails it's intensive training. My next door neighbour used to foster guide dog puppies.

Ah, ok, so this would not be an assistance dog then, it would be a future assistance dog in training. Better off getting a young dog and training it yourself then OP and keeping it long term. Obv some serious discussion needed with your DH about things though and some dog type checks with your DH meeting different breeds and Xbreeds to see which he can tolerate.

YY ^

Beautiful my DP worked alongside "Torch" many years ago.(And they adopted a retired Dog)
I'm assuming the 14 months is Guide Dog Puppy Walking.
They are not going to hand over one of their highly prized Lab puppies at the start of their training to someone who just wants to try out dog ownership and see if the DD really wants one and the dH can cope.

They are highly trained animals that someone will literally put their life in the paws of (for Guide Dogs anyway) .

It won't happen.

Ok, I give up.
Under the circumstances it's a very bad idea for them to have any fostering or short term care of a pet.
It would be counterproductive to the DD's therapeutic needs.

Thanks everyone. It's a hard lesson to learn when you post on MN that not everyone agrees with you! Thanks for taking the time to reply, and be assured we ARE thinking very carefully, as a family, about this.

I echo the suggestions above to volunteer with dogs, help to take them for walks for elderly people who can't take them out anymore etc. The Cinnamon Trust has been mentioned, no doubt there are local options for you as well.

I would talk to your DD's therapist before having any temporary arrangement.

No dog is guaranteed 'allergy free', I wish this myth would die so that so many dogs aren't dumped in rescues, their owners having believed this untruth!

francis - she doesn't like horses. Or rats or rabbits or lizards.

If it has to be dogs then register with the Cinnamon Trust. Not all their cases are on the website. If someone in the house is allergic then you really aren't being fair getting a dog.

I would wonder how long it would be before she decided she doesn't like dogs either.

What about a beddlington terrier? Small, loyal and allergy free

Bedlingtons are fabulous dogs, and not only do they not moult, they don't need a lot of exercise, either.

However, as an owner of terriers, I'm not convinced that a terrier breed is an ideal first dog. They are stubborn, intelligent and naughty, which is a very challenging combination of attributes for a novice owner. I have the grey hairs to prove it.

I'm also far from convinced that it's a good idea to get a dog in a family where not every member is wholly in favour. Even if the DP's allergy is mild and easily controlled, he will resent every chewed shoe and piddle on the carpet. I've seen first hand the benefits of canine company for people with MH issues and ASDs though. They can transform lives.

It's a tricky one. I know if my DP said no to more dogs after the current one shuffles off, he'd be getting his marching orders. He never does though. Despite him professing he's "not fussed" about having a dog, he's the one who cooks "a bit extra", or saves a spoonful of his curry, for the damn dog, and spends most of the evening watching tv with her lying on his chest.

francis - maybe if we'd had a dog years ago she wouldn't have had MH issues in the first place. Just a thought. What part of 'she doesn't like horses' don't you understand? PILs have horses - she hates them.
I was in the session when the therapist brought this up.

Dogs prevent MH issues?! Really? I think that's extraordinarily unlikely.
I bloody love my dog but she's not a magic cure for MH issues. Illness and losing a pet can be a massive trigger too.
You seem to have decided that only getting a dog will cure her. I doubt that's what the therapist meant.

Why not 'trial' a dog, and see how it goes? Borrow one from a friend for a few weeks. Preferably one of the so called non-allergenic dogs.

BTW, I'm allergic to cats. But I do love them, and after 20 years of living with them, I've become desensitized. Hardy sneeze at all. But we don't allow them in the bedroom. Maybe your DH would be supportive if you agreed a dog-free sanctuary for him?

Summer holidays are coming up though. You might find people would be glad to lend to you for a fortnight.

Of course the child won't walk the dog. Like every child, they would want the fun part and the graft would be left to someone else

We got a dog when I was 13. I walked her everyday. I fed her. I got up early every single morning because she needed to go out. Didn't matter if it was freezing, or pissing with rain, or pitch black. If she needed a walk she was walked. I cleared up any mess she made. I did this whatever she chewed up and whatever she did. Why wouldn't I? I loved her.

Two years later she had puppies - agreed by all the family. They needed feeding 4 times a day. Since the buses were shit and I wasn't allowed to cycle to school, I ran home and back in my lunch hour - a 4 mile round trip - to feed them.

We kept two of the puppies, meaning we then had 3 dogs. My dad did take on their care during term time whilst I was at university. For two years after graduating I lived back at home and even when I was doing hard physical work and cycling 10+ miles a day I went back to being the one who walked them and cared for them.

Not long after that my parents retired and I moved out of home. They were happy then to take on the dogs. Not all teenagers are feckless uncaring fly-by-nights with the attention span of a gnat. Why on earth people think that is beyond me.

Haven't RTFT, but was also going to suggest rats, depending on your daughter's age (if you do go down this route, please read up beforehand on rat care - make sure you get at least 2 and get a suitably large cage; a hamster cage won't do).