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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should just be greatful rather than 'dread' having a boy!

224 replies

MinnieMousefirstofhername · 12/01/2017 02:02

Gave birth to ds 2 months ago, my best friend has recently found out she's pregnant and I'm thrilled for her and her dp.

However I'm recently feeling very irritated by her as every time I see her she says how much she hopes baby is a girl, how there's just no nice clothes for a boy, she would be soooo upset at her scan if baby is a boy.
I just say things like ohh boys are lovely too and that I'm sure she'll be happy what ever she has aslong as they are healthy.

I'm just getting really annoyed with it now as I think well is my boy not wearing lovely clothes and what is wrong with a boy you're fucking lucky you're having a baby! My dp says I am being unfair as he really wanted a boy and feels he would have been slightly disappointed with a girl but I honestly think it's rediculous ofcourse say ohh I'd like a girl but happy either way. Honestly don't know how she will react if she's having a boy! Aibu to feel irritated by this Hmm

OP posts:
firsttimemum15 · 12/01/2017 02:04

Yes

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 12/01/2017 02:07

She's a fucking idiot.

There's a 50/50 chance of it being a boy.

If you 'dread' having a boy then don't get pregnant, FFS.

CocoLoco87 · 12/01/2017 02:10

YANBU

I always think people should be more sensitive with such comments as you never know who is listening who might be struggling to conceive etc, where they would be grateful for any child. It's not a crime to have a preference, but keep it to yourself!

Changednamesorry · 12/01/2017 02:11

I have boy and I am 37 weeks pregnant with my second boy.

Couldn't be happier - I was hoping I would have another boy all along. Boys are ace. There's a weird obsession with wanting a girl in a lot of places - I don't get it. People feel differently. Ignore - because she cant help it. Yes she's being insensitive but if you are happy with your boy - her view is irrelevant.

CommunionHelp · 12/01/2017 02:13

I understand why her comments are upsetting you, OP, but she's not the first person to have a preference for a girl or boy, and I doubt she'll be the last.

Original poster
MinnieMousefirstofhername · 12/01/2017 02:16

Yes I'm being unfair first that's fine but why?
I was over the moon to have a boy as I would be a girl and if I had a 2nd boy id be exactly the same. I must be lucky in that I wouldn't mind as I can't imagine worrying about what sex my baby will be

OP posts:
Comedyusername · 12/01/2017 02:29

YANBU You get what you're given! Boys are great though. I have two and wouldn't change them for the world. She'll have 20 weeks to get her head round having a boy if it happens

PinkBunnyOnesieOnOrder · 12/01/2017 02:31

It's fine that you don't mind, it's fine that she has a preference. Just because you don't feel that way, doesn't make her wrong.

She is being very insensitive to say the things she does about boys/boys clothes etc when you have a baby boy.

However, I'll let someone off owing to pregnany hormones, when I otherwise wouldn't.

But if you've really had enough, then you could make some pointed remarks to make her think about what she's saying. 'Oh DS, x thinks your clothes are boring' . 'Oh DS .....'

MissVictoria · 12/01/2017 02:32

It's unlikely i will ever have a child, but IF i did i would genuinely hope for a boy. I have no idea why, it's not about clothes,and there's nothing they would do differently (bar sitting down to pee or not!). I can only think it may be because i've only ever gotten along with boys, suffered horrendous bullying at the hands of pretty much every female friend i ever had, and i'd have more in common with them due to my interests being typically "male" dominated fan base wise. I can't stand fashion, hate make up, gossip magazines etc, i just wouldn't be able to relate to the things that would be important to a "typical" girl once she neared the teen phase. Plus i think boys are easier to keep safe, the thought of having a daughter navigating the dating scene stresses me and i don't even have one!

bumsexatthebingo · 12/01/2017 02:33

I don't think yabu op. I can't understand 'dreading' having a baby that you have a 50% chance of having either. And even if you do have a sex preference saying that you are dreading having a boy and there are no nice clothes for boys to THE MOTHER OF A 2 MONTH OLD BOY is a spectacularly odd way to behave.

Chattycat78 · 12/01/2017 02:39

Yanbu- especially as you have a boy! I have 2 boys and TBH I agree with coco - some people really struggle to conceive or can't have their own baby so people should count their blessings or at the very least not openly express such a strong desire one way or another- especially for such a flimsy reason as the clothes being better!

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/01/2017 02:43

She is airing her thoughts aloud. And to someone, who's just given birth to a boy. Rather insensitive. I secretly really wanted a girl. And I got a girl. I'm sure I'd have been equally happy with a boy. And to the poster upthread, who said they don't understand the obsession with wanting a girl but actually wants boys herself. That just sounds as if you have an inability to see others perspective. In saying that, it shouldn't be an obsession as this is very unhealthy and may affect the bonding process with your baby.

MrsBlennerhassett · 12/01/2017 02:48

i think you are being a little unreasonable because she is your friend and there may be a reason for her being like this. When i was pregnant i was very anxious and was hoping very much for a girl just because i was so scared and for some reason i thought having a girl would make me feel more connected to the situation. Id never been around babies but i was a girl myself so somewhere deep down id decided that it would be easier to look after the baby if it were a girl.
Of course when my LO was born and was a boy i didnt care at all and was very very happy to have a healthy boy and loved him so much.
But when you are pregnant for the first time its pretty scary and you can think some weird stuff to make yourself feel better as tho buying a load of frilly dresses is somehow gonna make the whole situation fun and not terrifying!

Birdsgottafly · 12/01/2017 02:51

"I was over the moon to have a boy as I would be a girl and if I had a 2nd boy id be exactly the same""

My DD wants another girl and I'd rather it be a girl, we find out in three weeks.

But you use the expression "as long as it's healthy", there'd be people who would be offended by that.

I have a DD with LDs, I've had to get over people saying "as long as everything's fine".

This was a point on Eastenders, the other night. Honey had to keep pointing out that she felt blessed to have her DD, who has Downs.

People say things without thinking.

puddingbunny · 12/01/2017 02:54

I think you should patronise the hell out of her.

'Oh yes, people have all these funny ideas before the baby arrives but everything goes out of the window when you actually MEET them. Nothing can prepare you for it.'

Gaze dotingly at DS. Repeat as necessary.

samuelsdw · 12/01/2017 02:54

Birds why would you rather it be a girl??

tobee · 12/01/2017 02:57

I've known one mum who said before kids she really wanted girls and had boys. And one say the exact opposite. Both they both changed their minds after the birth of the kids and said they couldn't imagine/wouldn't like to have it the other way round. I happen to have one of each. But I still find it a stupid and insensitive thing to say. I've never said anything to these people though as I think it says a lot about their insecurities rather than anything else.

SomethingLikeFlying · 12/01/2017 02:58

YANBU. I'd be irritated by someone like that as well.

Birdsgottafly · 12/01/2017 03:19

""Birds why would you rather it be a girl??""

Because we're an all female family and I've never changed a boys nappy etc.

I co sleep (when babysitting) with my GD (2), with just underwear on and I don't know how I'd feel about doing this in front of a boy, even one I'm related to.

We're lax about nudity.

My eldest DD had lots of boy mates, she was very sporty etc and I felt more odd around them than her girl mates.

I'm into free weights and camping, so it isn't a gender issue, it's a 'bits' issue.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/01/2017 03:26

When I was pregnant with DS1 a friend told me not to form a 'desire' either sex because she'd wanted a girl badly and when she had a boy, she 'hated' him. He was being raised by her mother.

We wanted a boy first and DS1 was born. We had rather hoped our second would be a girl, but were delighted when we had our wonderful DS2. I can't imagine life without him.

BillSykesDog · 12/01/2017 03:27

She's being very unreasonable.

She's right about the clothes though, there aren't really any nice boys clothes and they don't put much effort into the design.

Birds, I think that's an incredibly prissy and narrow minded view.

SomethingLikeFlying · 12/01/2017 03:32

Birds God even I hope your dd has a girl. I would feel sorry for any boy in your family.

CheshireDing · 12/01/2017 03:33

There are some fab clothes for boys, silly woman. Little Bird, Monsoon, Vertbaudet. Yes you do have to look a bit more than when buying girls clothes for choice but maybe she will end up with a girl who just wants to wear leggings/black etc Grin

Any baby is gorgeous.

Birdsgottafly · 12/01/2017 03:33

It isn't prissy, it's honest.

As said, I was bought up in an all female household )in a Culture from outside the UK) and that's continued.

I've known Mums to admit that they wasn't comfy with BF their DD, for as long as they did their DDs.

That's how they feel and they and me are entitled to their/my feelings.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 12/01/2017 03:34

Yanbu.

I don't understand the whole longing for one sex or another. When you get pregnant you know there's a 50/50 split.

Plus, if you're that hell bent on planning every detail, parenting is going to be one huge shock.

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