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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should just be greatful rather than 'dread' having a boy!

224 replies

MinnieMousefirstofhername · 12/01/2017 02:02

Gave birth to ds 2 months ago, my best friend has recently found out she's pregnant and I'm thrilled for her and her dp.

However I'm recently feeling very irritated by her as every time I see her she says how much she hopes baby is a girl, how there's just no nice clothes for a boy, she would be soooo upset at her scan if baby is a boy.
I just say things like ohh boys are lovely too and that I'm sure she'll be happy what ever she has aslong as they are healthy.

I'm just getting really annoyed with it now as I think well is my boy not wearing lovely clothes and what is wrong with a boy you're fucking lucky you're having a baby! My dp says I am being unfair as he really wanted a boy and feels he would have been slightly disappointed with a girl but I honestly think it's rediculous ofcourse say ohh I'd like a girl but happy either way. Honestly don't know how she will react if she's having a boy! Aibu to feel irritated by this Hmm

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/01/2017 03:34

""Birds God even I hope your dd has a girl. I would feel sorry for any boy in your family.""

Why, because they'd be subjected to my semi-nudity Grin

SomethingLikeFlying · 12/01/2017 03:48

No not that. More the fact that you feel odd around boys. You'll have to get a grip if she has a boy won't you.

puglife15 · 12/01/2017 03:56

Birds I don't know what culture you are from but it sounds like you are sexualising really young children, is that really a cultural thing??

Reluctance to change a nappy or share a bed with or breastfeed a baby just because it's a boy is Messed Up.

SmashDemGuineaPigs · 12/01/2017 03:57

Has your friend had her 20 week scan yet? I assume she going to find out whether baby is a boy or girl. It's just early pregnancy jitters, she'l be happy with either once she knows and has had the chance to think about it. As for the clothes, maybe she just hasn't been to the right shops - my local branch of mother has the worst selection of boys clothes, I'm jealous of the girls every time I go in.

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 04:47

Oh FGS. She has a right to her feelings. Who cares if she thinks boys' clothes are a bit crap? You are being a little over sensitive.

Smithy1234 · 12/01/2017 05:56

It is actually not that unusual to have strong preference for a specific gender. I heard many stories about women crying after finding out the sex. There are even support forums for dealing with gender disappointment. Insensitive of her to tell it to you though.

BarbarianMum · 12/01/2017 07:08

Some feelings are better off not being voiced though, esp if your preference is based on a lot of superficial bullshit gender stereotyping blabber.

I personally always (slightly) wanted boys and I got them. I didn't however go up to friends with baby girls and whitter on about dreading having a girl because I hate pink and can't do fancy hairdos and playing with dolls.

rollonthesummer · 12/01/2017 07:21

I used to work with someone like this-only wanted a girl because they were cute and she wanted to dress it up (her words).

She actually did go on to have a girl and became unbearably irritating!! Luckily she left our place of work soon after.

Wishfulmakeupping · 12/01/2017 07:22

Mi don't think you're being over sensitive op it's not just one comment your friend is really pushing this point that a baby girl is better than baby boy I would play her at her own and game and next time she's saying how upset she'd be with a boy just nod in agreement and say you completely get it as you would have been gutted to have a girl- to see how she responds.

preparedtobeshotdown · 12/01/2017 07:29

Yanbu.
I have 2 boys and now expecting a girl. Really didn't mind either way. But 99% of people and strangers have said. Hooray now you have your girl. Or at least it wasn't another boy or along those lines... my response is always. Boys are amazing. My boys are amazing. And I'm sure she will be amazing. Being a boy or girl really doesn't matter to me as long as she is healthy.

steppemum · 12/01/2017 07:41

This ia actually one reason why I think it is better not to know the gender.

At the point the baby arrives, he/she is THERE - real, wriggly, live, looking at you with their Grandma's eyes etc. They are a PERSON not a boy or a girl if you see what I mean and the gender suddenly seems much less important. This is your baby, someone brand new and yet somehow totally familiar.

But before they arrive, when you are pregnant, especially with your first, you have no idea of that, so it seems important.
I was expecting I would have a girl as everyone else I knew at the time had had girls. I had looked after baby neices etc and felt I knew what to do with boys.
If I had discovered before the birth that it was a boy, I think I would ahve been dissappointed. As it was we didn't know and then he arrived, and he was just perfect, and I couldn't care less if he was a boy or a girl.

Now, 14 years later, I love having a teenage boy. He towers over me and stinks of Lynx and is funny and crackly voiced and he and his friends are just fabulous. I also now have 2 dds as well, and I love having them for a whole variety of reasons too.
In the end, it is a person, someone with a personality.

steppemum · 12/01/2017 07:42

whoops, 'felt I DIDN'T know what to do with boys'

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steppemum · 12/01/2017 07:45

and the comment 'as long as they are healthy'

I understand why people don't like it, and I don't think it is a negatie against any child who is ill, but rather a wish and hope that we and our kids won't have to go through pain and suffering.

My neice spent her first 6 months in hospital, and now, aged 10 is on the waiting list for a heart transplant. I wouldn't wish that on any family. That is not a negative about my lovely neice, just a reality about how tough it has been, and the heartbreak that is still waiting for them in the future.

Ankleswingers · 12/01/2017 07:46

Anyone see Coronation street last night?

As long as a baby is born healthy, alive and well, that's all that matters.

Not what's between their legs.

Ohdearducks · 12/01/2017 07:51

Gender disappointment is actually quite common and in a lot of cases very short lived, once the baby is born mothers fall in love with them regardless of the baby's sex vast majority of the time.
She feels how she feels, try not to let it get to you.

MrsDustyBusty · 12/01/2017 07:54

On the other hand, you could just shrug. Just because she has an opinion about what she would prefer in her life doesn't make it a slight against you. Plus, there is no reason why she has to like boys clothes just because your son wears them. Getting irritated by that is fairly prickly.

BubbleWrapQueen · 12/01/2017 07:57

I will never forget the disappointment on my friends face on her FB video gender reveal cake when it was a boy. I really don't understand the want for one sex over another. You have a baby for a baby, for a child. For a human being to raise. Not for a gender.

AddictedtoLovely · 12/01/2017 08:00

She is being insensitive. However I have a 4 year oldboy after 3 dds, love him to bits but omg would not want another boy. Hes a handful.

Cinnamon2013 · 12/01/2017 08:02

Forget gender preference for a minute - as a friend she's being insensitive and tactless.

And seriously, clothes?! In a couple of years they'll refuse to wear whatever you want to put them in anyway

maplepixie · 12/01/2017 08:06

This type of thing annoys me so much. I have a friend who is having problems conceiving and would literally give anything to have a baby if her own and so many family members who have lost babies. People need to start thinking how lucky they are that they have a happy healthy baby no matter what the sex is or how nice the clothes are or how many family members there are of a certain sex etc. None of that matters. What matters is that they're lucky enough to have a beautiful baby on the way

Lweji · 12/01/2017 08:06

It feels to me like she wants a doll for entertainment or an extension of herself. Not a child with their own personality.
Because chances are that she could have a girl who doesn't like frills or a boy who does. :)

But the above is what's unreasonable to me. It says a lot about what she expects from a child, and I don't think it's good news for that child.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/01/2017 08:07

That would annoy me too and I would say something ! Some thoughts are best not aired

That said when I was
Pregnant with DC2 I did have a gender preference (and I got it Blush) but I never ever said it out loud . And now ? Looking back it wouldn't have mattered

CaoNiMa · 12/01/2017 08:08

I think all the consumerist hype (gender reveal parties, etc.) adds to the problem.

icy121 · 12/01/2017 08:09

Christ what a twat. Should be fucking grateful she conceived without spending 3 years and £13k to get there. Moron.