To think she should just be greatful rather than 'dread' having a boy!

[MinnieMousefirstofhername]

Gave birth to ds 2 months ago, my best friend has recently found out she's pregnant and I'm thrilled for her and her dp.

However I'm recently feeling very irritated by her as every time I see her she says how much she hopes baby is a girl, how there's just no nice clothes for a boy, she would be soooo upset at her scan if baby is a boy.
I just say things like ohh boys are lovely too and that I'm sure she'll be happy what ever she has aslong as they are healthy.

I'm just getting really annoyed with it now as I think well is my boy not wearing lovely clothes and what is wrong with a boy you're fucking lucky you're having a baby! My dp says I am being unfair as he really wanted a boy and feels he would have been slightly disappointed with a girl but I honestly think it's rediculous ofcourse say ohh I'd like a girl but happy either way. Honestly don't know how she will react if she's having a boy! Aibu to feel irritated by this

When I was pregnant with my 3rd I really wanted a boy. I already had 2 boys and loved them to bits. I really didn't want a girl. I didn't go round telling everyone, just my husband and I expressed how I felt to my sister. It was a really strong feeling that I honestly couldn't explain to myself.
We had a gender scan and it was a girl and honestly I was upset and I did upset my husband around that time by things I said.

A few weeks later I had a serious bleed and my heart almost broke. In that instant I knew I wanted my little girl and I loved her and I'd do everything I could to keep her safe!
I look at her now and I can't believe the feelings I had at the beginning of my pregnancy! I look at her face and I feel so utterly guilty about how I felt.
Your friend is being a bit of an arse just as I was..but I don't think she will love a son any less. I certainly don't love my daughter any less.

*Because we're an all female family and I've never changed a boys nappy etc.

I co sleep (when babysitting) with my GD (2), with just underwear on and I don't know how I'd feel about doing this in front of a boy, even one I'm related to.

We're lax about nudity.

My eldest DD had lots of boy mates, she was very sporty etc and I felt more odd around them than her girl mates.

I'm into free weights and camping, so it isn't a gender issue, it's a 'bits' issue.*

Crazy stuff. I mean it too.

I have 2 boys, none of this has ever crossed my mind. I know you are expressing your opinion and I'm now expressing mine.

OP I think it is very insensitive to say that in front of you when you have a son but a lot of people have a preference and don't realise how lucky they are just to be able to have a child. That said, she is entitled to her feelings. When I found out my second son was a boy I did have a cry after the scan - I felt terrible about this about 10 minutes later (I blame the hormones for the initial cry). I think I was a little disappointed my youngest son, however, is just the sweetest little boy in the world. I adore him and wouldn't have it any other way. I won't be having any more children and I'm happy with the 2 boys I have. I think she may feel this way now but her feelings will (hopefully) change if it turns out her baby is male.

I think your both being a little unreasonable, but neither hugely so. Shes not wrong to have a preference, I desperately wanted dd2 to be a boy and I'll admit that i felt a bit deflated for a few weeks after the 20 week scan. Ofcourse i was hugely releived to find out i had a healthy baby along the way but yes, the disapointment was absolutly there.

Now dd is here i cannot imagine her being anything but exactly what and who she is. Shes no less loved because of what i felt in those few weeks of pregnancy.

However your friend really is being rather thoughtless here. Listing the (perceived by her) negative reasons in having boys to a friend that has just had a boy is ...well not the brightest idea really!

Oh god, I was like this when I was pregnant, convinced I wouldn't love a boy, only wanted a girl etc. When the scan showed he was a healthy little boy I cried with happiness, I was just so happy to have a healthy baby. I stopped being such a tit then! Just roll your eyes and humour her, she will realise!

Congrats on your lovely new baby boy too.

I would have preferred a boy, because me, my mother and my grandmother have all had terrible times with periods, childbirth and menopause (well I'm still waiting for that bus to hit). We got a DD, though and obviously I'm perfectly fine with that now.

Girl's clothes are terrible. I imposed a no-pink rule for the first 3 years, which resulted in only around a quarter of DD's clothes being impractical pink frilly monstrosities, which seemed like a reasonable balance. I'll stop having a problem with girls dressing as princesses, the moment it is every little boy's aspiration to be a prince.

I've encountered this. Out in a group for lunch and friends of friends looked at my sleeping DS and said how glad they were to have a girl and that having a boy would have been such a disappointment. I've thought they were arseholes ever since.

DS is brilliant. If I had a DD, I would also be ecstatic. Ultimately, I just wanted a happy child.

I understand having a slight preference, but I'm sorry but I just think the people who got pregnant thinking they would be devastated and 'might not love' (!) a boy are selfish and irresponsible, regardless of whether or not they later changed their minds. How could you knowingly bring a child into the world if you really thought there was a 50% chance you'd feel that way about it?

Perpendicular DH had some friends who went on about how much they wanted a girl. I've always thought they were arseholes too!

It's one thing to feel a bit inclined one way or another but realise you're being silly, but it makes you come across very dim to express that view out loud to other people as though it's a worthy or valid thought or feeling. It's not and it's silly. You don't get to pick your child's sex.

Is it wrong of me to wish her a boy? I've had both sexes and they are both great. I must admit, it irritates me when people say "I want to find out what sex it is so I can get the colour scheme right", because if you don't find out the sex, I think, it's extra special when the baby is born to find out what you have.

I have a boy and a girl. They are still small. I have slightly enjoyed parenting my boy more so far, probably because he came first and I found it all amazing. When dd came along it got harder because there are 2 now.
They are now 3 and 1. Other than the fact I dislike pink and prefer the clothes marketed at boys, the experience of parenting a baby and toddler boy or girl has been no different because of their gender.
They both crawled and walked early. Both very outgoing and boisterous. Dd a bit more messy and easygoing, ds more particular...
I wonder when it will start to feel different because of their gender?

I also have a 'friend' who said in front of my ds that she was scared of having a boy. I lost a lot of respect for her that day.

The worst thing is when people don't get over their gender disappointment. My mum's colleague really wanted her first child to be a boy, but she had a girl. And she wasn't hiding it from her daughter. She was saying to her that she couldn't forgive her for being a girl. I always felt so sorry for that girl... that woman ended up having a boy as well and spoiled him terribly, so he became quite unbearable

some people have a preference for one sex or another. expressing as really really wanting a... ok. expressing it as dreading a.... not ok. especially to parents of the type you are dreading.

there are some lovely baby clothes for boys. and mostly some great clothes for small boys. after that you do not get the choice, but at least the boys clothes do not look like they are designed for older teens.

I cried when I found out I was having a boy and I had dreams most nights until the day he was born that he was actually a girl. However, of corse that feeling didn't last when I met him and I'm sure it will be the same for your friend.

Course*

YANBU. She is being insensitive and a bit ridiculous. Giving her the benefit of the doubt it's hopefully just anxiety but she should know her audience and not say that to you!

I'm currently pregnant and do have a slight gender preference (we find out in a few weeks) - but it really is slight and I have only expressed it to my DP. Every time I have been asked by friends/family which I would prefer (what an odd question btw!) I tell them I don't mind either way.

To say that I would 'dread' having the baby if it turned out to be the other gender makes me feel sad! This baby was longed for and we spent a lot on fertility treatment to conceive.

As for the clothes thing, I totally disagree! Boys' clothes are far nicer and more varied - with girls, if you don't like pink (which I don't particularly) it's a challenge to find alternatives.

I find it hard to understand that the thousands of women who suffer horribly with agonising feelings of conflict and guilt because they have gender disappointment/preference are dismissed by otherwise intelligent and considerate people as being 'stupid', 'a fucking idiot', 'dim' and God knows what else. And that's just on this thread.

I have girls and boys, and didn't have any negative feelings thank goodness, but I"m able to appreciate that other women DO. Take a look at some of the forums (I did to support a friend with PND partly as a result of gender preference and her personal history) - some of the stories are heart rending. The reasons for gender preference can be deep rooted and tied to many issues.

Or just dismiss them all as shallow, ungrateful, thoughtless, selfish fucking idiots who should have a termination.

There are all kinds of tragic stories relating to conceiving babies and going on to become parents. I feel uncomfortable when tragic circumstances are used to 'trump' a lesser 'issue'. A few of the comments on this thread are horrible.

Ohh another thing that I dislike is I know a couple of people who have a boy and a girl and describe themselves as the "perfect family" because of it. I don't feel that sex etc has anything to do with it. My family of ds and I is no less perfect than anyone elses. But I am made to feel inferior frequently but that may just be down to being a single parent and the attitude I face.

Communion
Exactly! It is a real thing and it's something that is so shameful because you are told 'you should be grateful' 'some people can't have children' etc and although you know that in your head and you know that those people are right it doesn't lessen the feeling of disappointment. I just couldn't talk about it to anyone. I think the idea of having a girl terrified me as a woman. I still don't really fully understand why I felt the way I did.
I feel extremely lucky that I managed to get over it but many don't. It almost cost me my marriage and I still live with the horrible guilt over it.

If she is saying it partly in jest I would call her out on it by saying something like "are you implying my lovely squashy ds2 looks terrible?!" I personally didn't mind what sex my DC were but some do and I think it's ok to have a preference, but very tactless to bang on about how rubbish boys are to someone who's just had their second!

Without saying that clothes are a valid argument to prefer one sex to the other - it isn't - I am surprised that a number of posters seem to disagree that it is nicer and easier to find girl clothes.

Could someone please tell me which brands with reasonable prices have a better boys range for toddler clothes?
I'm genuinely interested, I have b/g twins and since they are out of the baby range I feel bad for DS because DD's wardrobe is so much nicer.

From what I have seen, boys have trucks/cars/dinosaurs etc everything aggressive, and bright flashy colors. Everything I dislike basically.
Girls don't only have pink, they have purple, light/soft colors, all kinds of prints: dots, flowers, "nice" animals ie that won't kill you - unlike the boys lions/dinosaurs

Had this happen to me. I have a girl & a boy but she really wanted a boy which is totally fine but her comments about girls being 'drama queens' and 'attention seeking' was too much and I ended up saying so u think my daughter is each of those things have then? Of course she answered no....she had a girl and now thinks girls are better than boys.....don't let it bother u.

Not wanting a boy because the clothes aren't as nice is such a ridiculous reason I would also be a bit pissed off with her!

Gender disappointment is a real thing unfortunately, when i was expecting my 4th i really wanted a girl, I'd have been mildly dissapointed with a boy but would have just gotten on with it and would have still loved a boy as much once baby arrived... as im sure she will! Yes shes lucky to have a baby as there's loads who cant, but from the minute we find out we're pregnant we build up this perfect little family picture in our heads and if she's imagined a girl instead of a boy then that's why...at 2p weeks when/if she finds out she will have the next 20+ weeks to fall totally and completely in love with her baby if its a boy, she can always try again for a girl!

Oh and direct her towards Next website to look at baby boys clothes there's loads of lovely bits on there!

I was absolutely desperate for a girl by the time I had my third baby, but I would never have said 'I'm dreading having another boy' (even though I may have thougt it sometimes)!