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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should just be greatful rather than 'dread' having a boy!

224 replies

MinnieMousefirstofhername · 12/01/2017 02:02

Gave birth to ds 2 months ago, my best friend has recently found out she's pregnant and I'm thrilled for her and her dp.

However I'm recently feeling very irritated by her as every time I see her she says how much she hopes baby is a girl, how there's just no nice clothes for a boy, she would be soooo upset at her scan if baby is a boy.
I just say things like ohh boys are lovely too and that I'm sure she'll be happy what ever she has aslong as they are healthy.

I'm just getting really annoyed with it now as I think well is my boy not wearing lovely clothes and what is wrong with a boy you're fucking lucky you're having a baby! My dp says I am being unfair as he really wanted a boy and feels he would have been slightly disappointed with a girl but I honestly think it's rediculous ofcourse say ohh I'd like a girl but happy either way. Honestly don't know how she will react if she's having a boy! Aibu to feel irritated by this Hmm

OP posts:
GoLightlyHollie · 13/01/2017 17:31

YANBU but at the same time, someone is perfectly entitled to have a strong desire for one or the other. I had a huge preference for a girl, would have been very sad if I'd never had a daughter and I made no secret of the fact. I can totally see why that would irritate some people but it is what it is. If you're bothered by it, say something to her about it.

Rabbit01 · 13/01/2017 17:33

Make lots of hints like some of others have suggested

goose1964 · 13/01/2017 17:36

I can't believe that someone wants a girl just because they have nicer clothes, she'll be a child not a doll. I'm a mum of 2 boys and a girl and from about the age of11 ha lived in jeans and tops, and complained about having to wear a dress when she was a bridesmaid

cheval · 13/01/2017 17:43

I know someone who had a much longed for girl after having four boys. Said girl was a complete tomboy, refused ever to wear a dress, loved football etc. Grew into a lovely woman who still hangs out with the lads at the gym etc. Be careful what you wish for!

mammamic · 13/01/2017 17:44

Wow. YABU

your best friend. she trusts you. you're probably one of the few people she can voice her fears, concerns etc out loud to.

and what do you do? get irritated, which is bad enough, but then you moan about her on MN.

Why don't you simply be a good friend. Listen and if it gets to you that much TELL HER. she probably doesn't realise how often she says it because she can't say it to many people.

joangray38 · 13/01/2017 17:48

I would love to have a baby , but will probably be unable to. she should be grateful to have a healthy baby .. She will be In for a shock if she has a little girl that doesn't want to be dressed up and treated like a doll . Baby boy clothes are cute too.

pontynan · 13/01/2017 17:51

I have 4 DS and I'm sure there were lots of times I thought I wanted a girl. But then when you find out the gender of your baby, at birth or before, you realise you don't actually want just "a boy or "a girl", you want THAT baby, your baby - the one you have just given birth to! So I do think it is entirely normal for mothers to have preferences but YANBU to expect people to keep those to themselves.

SusieOwl4 · 13/01/2017 17:53

Having nearly lost my first child I always think as long as you are able to have children and they are healthy you should feel grateful. All children whether boys are girls are individuals anyway . And if it is about clothes (imo that's shallow) there are just as many lovely clothes for boys now . I know as I am always treating my grandson . If I was you I would find it hard not to say something .

NotYoda · 13/01/2017 17:57

Letus

Nice.

TurquoiseDress · 13/01/2017 17:57

YANBU

Presumably it's her first baby? Seems like it.

She is bloody lucky to be having a baby- I was totally naive as to what could go wrong during my first pregnancy and luckily all went well.

I think having a preference is fine but don't go on about it/keep it to yourself and other half.

If she was my friend I'd have to keep her at arm's length or tell her to shut the fuck up!

(Had a MMC 6 months & trying without a whiff of a pregnancy since then- so I'm probably more sensitive than most)

YoScienceBitch · 13/01/2017 17:58

I get it. I desperately wanted a boy but found out at the scan I was having a girl. I was gutted for about 3 seconds and then overjoyed that she was healthy. I think it's pretty normal to have a preference. I had always imagined myself with a little boy, but now I can't imagine not having a girl.

TurquoiseDress · 13/01/2017 17:58

*Had a MMC 6 months ago

Cubtrouble · 13/01/2017 18:04

Dear Ops friend.

I hope with every ounce of my being you have a boy and you regret all the twatty comments you made.

You are also an idiot.

Lots of love

Cub.

Postchildrenpregranny · 13/01/2017 18:06

I really wanted a boy the second time (I had a daughter first time round ).Only because I thought it might be interesting to raise 'one of each '(Poor DD1never got pink girly clothes as I wanted to be able to pass them on .) If I expressed it, it was only very casually . DH really wanted another girl -which is what we got .In those days you had to persist to find out the sex and I didn't ,as I knew deep down that the minute that baby emerged I really wouldn't care .And of course (especially after two miscarriages )I really ,genuinely didn't care ..And raising two girls has been interesting because they are individuals and their sex doesn't matter .
I would quite like a grandson though as I do think little boys are cute !
And DD1 did get pink girly clothes eventually but she was nearly 4. ....

Rebecca75red · 13/01/2017 18:06

When I was pregnant with my son. I was asked if I had a preference. I said if you were able to choose I did chose a boy. But I think it's dreadful to say what she said. If you consider her a true friend say something. I would.

Postchildrenpregranny · 13/01/2017 18:09

Ypu have my sympathy turquoiseI had a blighted ovum the third pregnancy It was horrible as no inkling anything was wrong But I got my much wanted second child in the end and time was running out for me

MycatsaPirate · 13/01/2017 18:10

I didn't want to know what I was having with either of my pregnancies. Oddly, I was convinced my first was a boy. And my friend/neighbour who was due at the same time was adamant she was having a girl.

I had a girl and she had a boy. She had to be given a GA for an emergency c-section and when she came round and got told they had a son, she refused to believe it and demanded that they get her real baby :o We know it was the drugs affecting her but it was very amusing!

We both then had a 7 year gap before landing pregnant at the same time again. She had another boy and I had another girl. Neither of us was particularly bothered by what we had and I loved that the kids all grew up with each other anyway.

AllieBomBally · 13/01/2017 18:32

I admit that when I was pregnant I was worried about having a boy, I have 2 older dd's and as I had grown up without a father or brother I was genuinely concerned I wouldn't bond with a boy. My 3rd (and last!) child is a boy and my worries were totally unnecessary, it made no difference to how I felt, he is my child and I love him. Though I can understand where your friend is coming from it would piss me off too as she keeps repeating it when you've just given birth to a boy.

LubiLooLoo · 13/01/2017 18:53

Is there really a difference? Babies are babies, gender doesn't make a difference. Babies don't even know what gender they are, and I'm not all convinced that gendering children in pink vs blue, action man vs barbie kind of way is all that healthy.

I have a baby boy, he's great, if he was a she, she'd be equally as awesome. I don't get why gender is even a factor in the decision and excitement in creating a new little human. Smile

libbyb · 13/01/2017 19:12

When pregnant with my first, I really wanted to have a boy, but I didn't get my hopes up. I had a Boy!! :-) Took six weeks to choose a name as I was going to call a girl Rebecca!!

|Had two girls later - didn't call either of them Rebecca!
You get what you get!! Love your life and your kids!!

Lovingit81 · 13/01/2017 19:13

She's a crap mum and she hasn't even started! You have a child not an accessory to dress. Poor kid, god help him/her!!

DNo · 13/01/2017 19:54

I wanted a girl first time as I'm the oldest of 7 girls and that was all I knew. I got one. I was certain my 2nd and 3rd were girls but they were both boys. I can't explain how overwhelmed I was when they held them up and my husband told me the sex!

My girl is girly, my boys are typical rough boys. My kids are amazing! I thought I wanted all girls, but I can play fight with the best of them! Me and my boys beat each other sick every night and I laugh til my sides hurt!!! My daughter has a streak in her too since her brothers have arrived. All kids are gifts.

Monkendrunky · 13/01/2017 20:13

all the matters is a healthy baby. I didn't get that, gender and clothing options were the least of my worries!

Helethan · 13/01/2017 20:24

I wanted a girl first time I was pregnant and when I found out it was a boy I felt sad, until the very traumatic birth when I thought we were going to lose him. When I got to hold him and he was fine the rush of love was overwhelming. I've got two healthy boisterous boys now and I couldn't be happier.
Once your friend meets her baby she'll soon realise that it doesn't matter what it is... She's right about the clothes though, whats with all the grey! 😀

oblada · 13/01/2017 20:35

I have 2 girls and expecting a boy now. Not bothered either way but loads of ppl are making comments about how the little boy will turn my house upside down and destroy everything in sight LOL thankfully I know a few 'calmer' boys so I'm reassured by this and of course I believe a lot of this 'bullish' behaviour is down to upbringing and society's expectations...so overall I think I'll cope! Would have been happy with another girl tho, would have been easier with clothes etc!!

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