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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend has failed her kids

241 replies

PinkSlipperQueen · 22/12/2016 14:54

I know its her choice but i feel shes failed them as she had the responsibility to actually teach them and she hasn't. She does very little with them and it's bloody aparent.

She has 4 children that she supposedly "home schools" but yeah the oldest ones 14 and 16 are obviously lacking big time they seem to be more like 10 year olds in the way they act and talk. She pulled them out before secondary school so they have basically no secondary education and the youngest have hardly any basic education. She hands them work while shes cleaning the house etc but they basically just play playstation all day and not much else.

I juat feel like shes failed them by not letting them have a basic state education. Her reason for taking them out was that she didn't like secondary school and didnt want them to go through it Hmm

OP posts:
NicknameUsed · 22/12/2016 14:59

I know someone who "home schooled" her children. Fortunately she had the sense to realise it wasn't working. When the 2 youngest started school they discovered that they were both dyslexic. Something I don't think their mother realised.

Twogoats · 22/12/2016 15:01

Why is she your friend?

Fluffsnuts · 22/12/2016 15:02

I think home schooling can be fantastic for some children however the homeschooler needs to be very invested in the process, and understand how, and why children learn. I don't believe that education is all about exams and grades however without GCSE's most people will find it very difficult to continue in education or get a good job, it doesn't sound as though the older children will be able to attain pass grades, and so, yes, I do think she is failing them on that score.

Home schooling at secondary level is very, very hard.

Blossomdeary · 22/12/2016 15:02

Home schooling can be excellent and stimulating and turn out confident well-educated children. But, as you have observed, it can be sadly lacking educationally, although they may have gained in other ways.

bumbleymummy · 22/12/2016 15:03

How do you know that they just play PS all day? Acting/talking younger than they are in what way?

semideponent · 22/12/2016 15:04

What a horrid post.

Why do you assume that

a) you fully know and understand the reasons why she home schools

b) she always "hands them work…but they basically play playstation"?

Maybe things are different when you come over. Remember you only have a few data points. Nor is school always sweetness and light.

There may be more behind this post than you've let on, OP, but you're not helping yourself by framing it like this.

Stitchfusion · 22/12/2016 15:04

Home schooling is a lot lot harder than most people think.
What is your purpose in starting this thread? I presume that she doesnt think she has failed her children. Are they in anyway shape or form ready to take on the big bad world? Does the 16 year old have any gcse's? or any hope of attaingin some? Have they done things like scouts? Can they swim?
Children have a right to an education, what that is, is up to the parents. So its entirely possible that whilst you think she has failed them, she hasnt

Mummyandben · 22/12/2016 15:04

I think it's awful your friend had such a terrible experience of high school as it's such a happy time for most people but she shouldn't think her children will relive that. She's holding them back mentally and socially but if her children are teenagers now there's very little she can do to rectify this. It's a shame home schooled children aren't assessed as she probably has no idea how much they are falling behind

SerialReJoiner · 22/12/2016 15:05

Hmm. What else do you have to go on? Do they attend groups, get tutors in, do inline learning, etc etc? I used to home educate my children and have met a wide range of families with children of various ages. I do feel that HE children can come off as immature compared to schooled children if the same age, but imo it is because they aren't subjected to the daily peer pressure to grow up faster. This can be quite a good thing for children!

I also found that many families of secondary aged children take GCSEs one or two at a time, so it isn't an intense process like in school.

In general, there isn't much measuring if a child's progress in home ed, so it's very difficult for an outsider to judge what is going on. My children didn't follow the national curriculum but still learned things and are all back in school doing just fine.

Hopefully it's a similar situation with your friend's dc.

sooperdooper · 22/12/2016 15:05

Don't the authorities do any checks on home schooled children?

A bloke I worked with years ago home schooled all his kids (well his wife did) and they didn't do any formal qualifications - I asked him once what if they wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, teacher etc and he said they would all be entrepreneurs Confused I always thought it was very selfish to have decided for them what their life choices would be

Daisyfrumps · 22/12/2016 15:07

YABU. It's their life - who are you to judge how they live it. Are the children unhappy?

RubyRoseViolet · 22/12/2016 15:08

I obviously don't know your friend but I know people who home educate happily and very effectively and others who seem very slapdash and to have no idea or plan. I am amazed it is so unregulated.

stitchglitched · 22/12/2016 15:10

I home educate due to DS being utterly failed by the state school system and most home ed parents I meet have similar experiences with children having additional needs that weren't being met at school. Home ed isn't 'school at home' so just because they aren't replicating what their peers are doing it doesn't mean they are being failed. Unless you are with her and her kids 24/7 you can't say they aren't learning or she is failing them.

Baylisiana · 22/12/2016 15:10

YANBU unfortunately.

Alabastard · 22/12/2016 15:10

Unless you are there watching every day then wind your fucking neck in.

CalleighDoodle · 22/12/2016 15:12

My neighbour used to 'home school'. Kids played out on their bikes most of the day or went out delivering with her. The oldest webt ro secondary and the school told the parents the others had to go to primary or they wouldnt accept them to the secondary. They were significantly behind and known to social services. She wasnt homeschooling by any stretch of the imagination. She was just bloody lazy.

Aki23 · 22/12/2016 15:12

I thought home schooled children had to pass exams like everyone else - is there no way the local council are keeping an eye on this by results etc? - I am woefully ignorant about homeschooling

doodlejump1980 · 22/12/2016 15:13
DeepanKrispanEven · 22/12/2016 15:14

I'd be surprised if she hasn't been checked on by the council. They have a responsibility to ensure that home schooled children are actually being educated. If you think they aren't, perhaps you should contact the relevant department?

formerbabe · 22/12/2016 15:15

Are the children unhappy?

My dc would be very happy if I let them eat chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't feed them that because it's not in their best interests.

Every1lovesPatsy · 22/12/2016 15:15

So what are you going to do?

Who is the correct person/group to assess whether your friend is negligently home schooling or not?

Who assesses home schooling?

Keithreefteeth · 22/12/2016 15:16

Lots of misconceptions on this thread. Home education isnt about replicating school at home. Nor is education only for the purpose of getting a job.

OP what you judge to be a failure is likely to be totally different to your "friend's" idea of failure and success, thank goodness!

If their education helps them to be secure of themselves and able to engage in the world, that's a huge success and not something that can be assessed by how long you think they spend on the x box.

user1481838270 · 22/12/2016 15:17

YABU. It's their life - who are you to judge how they live it. Are the children unhappy?

I disagree. It's their life, not her life. In the same way that a poor school fails children, a poor homeschool also fail children.

Keithreefteeth · 22/12/2016 15:18

The local education authority have no jurisdiction over home educated children. No assessments, no curriculum. And good too. It isnt their responsibility.

misshelena · 22/12/2016 15:19

Your friend has definitely failed her children. Don't know what you can do though. She probably can't do much better either because she is not a professional teacher with years of training. Nor does she have the time to investigate the resources available to her. It's too bad for her kids for sure.