To think my friend has failed her kids

[PinkSlipperQueen]

I know its her choice but i feel shes failed them as she had the responsibility to actually teach them and she hasn't. She does very little with them and it's bloody aparent.

She has 4 children that she supposedly "home schools" but yeah the oldest ones 14 and 16 are obviously lacking big time they seem to be more like 10 year olds in the way they act and talk. She pulled them out before secondary school so they have basically no secondary education and the youngest have hardly any basic education. She hands them work while shes cleaning the house etc but they basically just play playstation all day and not much else.

I juat feel like shes failed them by not letting them have a basic state education. Her reason for taking them out was that she didn't like secondary school and didnt want them to go through it

[Daisyfrumps]

I did say their life, user

[DonutParade]

LA's can issue SAO's if they believe parents are not fulfilling their legal duties.

[stitchglitched]

There is no legal requirement for home educated families to accept monitoring, or to follow the national curriculum. Home education isn't about replicating school at home with kids sitting at the dining table for hours on end. It is perfectly possible for children to be playing out, riding bikes, at the supermarket during school hours, even playing computer games, and still be receiving an education.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

Yanbu but brace yourself for lots of of defensive home schoolers!

I personally think children who are home schooled should be properly assessed and monitored, am sure the majority of parents who home school do it for the right reasons but there are plenty who don't sadly.

[Mellowautumn]

Have been a home edder and have seen it done incredibly well both in a structured and totally unstructured way, both take loads of parental imput.
Have also heard lots of ' don't judge, education doesn't have to look like school, sucess isn't always exams, they will learn to read when they are ready etc' from the home edders community while they look on at illiterate 14/15/16 year old's with poor social skills and ruined educational outcomes because no one in the Home Ed community will 'judge' and actually admit a fair amount of home Edding parents are actually a bit crap at it. Or admit that they are limiting thier children's life choices by thier failure to do exams.

[dollydaydream114]

There are loads of different reasons people homeschool their kids, some good and some bad. Some parents are brilliant at it and some are terrible. Personally, I wouldn't homeschool a child unless they had particular needs that made school impractical or overly difficult for them (I know someone who homeschools her son because he has a health issue that makes regular attendance at school really problematic for him - but she is amazingly diligent and they regularly meet up with groups of other homeschoolers for trips and activities and pool resources for things like science equipment that they can all share).

We're only hearing your side of this story in this case and nobody can reasonably pass judgement on this situation without seeing it first hand.

If you are genuinely worried about the children's welfare, contact Social Services. But it doesn't sound like that's the case; it sounds like you just want to snipe at your friend and get us all to pile in call her a bad mother.

[bumbleymummy]

"I do feel that HE children can come off as immature compared to schooled children if the same age, but imo it is because they aren't subjected to the daily peer pressure to grow up faster. This can be quite a good thing for children! "

I agree!

[Mellowautumn]

Social Services have no remit at all over education - if you have real concerns speak to the educational department of your council

[Natsku]

I really think home education should be monitored by educational authorities - it shouldn't be a parents' right to let their child not be educated well enough to manage in society as sometimes happens with home education (not saying all home educators fail their children, not in the least, but some do and its not fair on those children to have to suffer because their parents failed them)

[DonutParade]

I home educate and second Mellows comments. My DS has achieved much more both academically and socially since leaving school. We are quite structured though and do tend to avoid the more crunchy HE groups. It is certainly not an easy option by any means. It is very hard work.

[misshelena]

Alabastard -- Unless you are there watching every day then wind your fucking neck in.

If everyone had your attitude, no one would ever help an abused child or person! Let's hope you are in the minority.

[MycatsaPirate]

I would say that a 16 year old with abilities of a 10 year old is a failure.

Someone said that Home Ed is not about attaining a school education and that successful education is not about exam grades. But I fail to see how a teenager can progress far in life without any kind of qualification.

[Ginkypig]

There is nothing wrong with homeschooling as a way to educate as long as the parents and or tutures do actually educate the children!

It is a massive disservice to children to actively allow them to enter the adult world with no skills either socially or educationally. (Obviously I'm not talking about any additional needs or other reasons etc)

Our job as parents imo is to do our best to give our children the skills needed to be in the world so they can hopefully thrive and have a good life as adults wether that be through homeschooling, state schooling, private schooling or a mixture of any of the above Plus obviously what we add ourselves too!

[Sittingunderafrostysky]

I'm in two minds about this. Part of me would live to homeschool, particularly my bright and dreamy youngest, who finds school exhausting.

But, on the other hand, the other homeschooling parents I know are not my cup of tea at all.

One spends hours posting photos of messy play, sports play, art projects on Facebook - fine with younger dcs, but the older child is year 6 age, and I know that school is a lot more than that.

Others I know are the other way (even more damaging in my opinion) and the children are basically working 10 hour days to reach their potential in their academic and hobbies (think Child Genius types).

None of us get is completely right, though, and I find it hard to judge. We have absolutely no idea how their dcs will turn out.

[yorkshapudding]

I have worked with children who have definitely benefited from being HE, both socially and academically. Usually because their parent/parents have been extremely knowledgeable and commited to the process.

Unfortunately, I've also worked with families who have pulled their children out of school claiming an intention to Home educate them in order to evade questions relating to poor attendance or safeguarding concerns or just because they like having the older children at home to help with younger siblings. For these children the outcomes (academically and emotionally) were not good as you can imagine. Although I absolutely believe these situations are in the minority, I would like to see some degree of monitoring in place to protect children whose parents may have ulterior motives for HE.

[Astro55]

Having worked with teachers who spend hours preparing researching delivering reassessing and monitoring children's needs - and tailoring each lesson to different levels - I can't see how she is offering an education

The work place needs a certain willingness to learn and work hard to be successful -

I can see how she'd teach maths literacy cooking DT French Geogrphy And all the other numerous lessons my children are learning

[Spikeyball]

Perhaps the older two have learning difficulties.

[5notrumps]

There are some wonderful home-eders out there doing great things for their DC.

There is also a large number of families whose DC have been withdrawn from the school system following persistent absenteeism and engagement with social services. The schools are delighted to see the back of these children who will get poor results and drag down the school's ratings. The children are allocated a social worker who is supposed to ensure they get an education of sorts. In practice they do little or nothing. The kids - who usually have mental health and/or social problems - are effectively abandoned by the system. They hang out at home with others in the same position. Some are able to get on courses at 16. Others are not. Some of the girls see motherhood as a solution and the cycle repeats itself. It is a national scandal.

[KnittedBlanketHoles]

People send their children to shitty schools, or even ok schools that just don't suit that child's needs- lots of parents are failing their children in this way. It's only home educators that get judged for it though.

[misshelena]

Semideponent: "What a horrid post..."

Great debate strategy -- when you can't argue with content of your opponent's argument, just characterize it as "horrid", "lies", "satanic", etc.

[misshelena]

Knitted -- really? Teachers and schools are never criticized or judged? Could it be that you are just too defensive to hear?

[NiceFalafels]

I know some home Schoolers who do it brilliantly! But it does take effort and thought and planning.

State isn't for everyone but her children seem to be missing out an education (be it state or home school)

[NiceFalafels]

Yes I've known quite a few children go to school that don't suit.

[DJBaggySmalls]

YANBU, and if parents wont watch out for their kids its acceptable for other people to have an opinion.

[Luggage16]

Please take some time to scroll through the many many threads on mumsnet detailing the numerous failings of the school system. Your friend may well not be helping her children to reach their full potential but this is the same as happens for a large number of children in the school system too. It could be she hated school because it wasn't a good fit for her and sees this may also be true for her children.

When my daughter was born I had no idea about home education and would likely have had a lot of the same naïve viewpoints as often get shown on here. The reality is home ed networks can be truly amazing with many groups on offer, work shops, events, days out etc. Home ed rarely looks like school at home and children learn in many ways. Any info I have ever seen on outcomes of home education have always shown that children often out perform their schooled peers for both academic performance and social ability.

Maybe take some time to chat with your friend about the kinds of things she does, places they go etc. It is unlikely she does much formal work as she sounds more 'unschooly' but this doesn't mean the children aren't learning about all manner of things. If you sound less judgemental than you do right now you stand a chance to broaden your world view a bit and also stand far more chance of her listening to suggestions than if she feels attacked by your views.