To think my friend has failed her kids

[PinkSlipperQueen]

I know its her choice but i feel shes failed them as she had the responsibility to actually teach them and she hasn't. She does very little with them and it's bloody aparent.

She has 4 children that she supposedly "home schools" but yeah the oldest ones 14 and 16 are obviously lacking big time they seem to be more like 10 year olds in the way they act and talk. She pulled them out before secondary school so they have basically no secondary education and the youngest have hardly any basic education. She hands them work while shes cleaning the house etc but they basically just play playstation all day and not much else.

I juat feel like shes failed them by not letting them have a basic state education. Her reason for taking them out was that she didn't like secondary school and didnt want them to go through it

MrsMattBomer what do you think that a) home education should look like and b) what social services might do?

Snorting too at "lazy parenting"! How?

Don't you mean the home education department within the LA, MrsMattBoner? Might be the best place to contact about...education. They're the people who will deal with SAOs
And they will be in contact with them already, as they deregistered from a school.

Nothing like advising an OP when uninformed about the subject matter. Lots of that going on here.

I have home schooled. DS got exams was socialised and is now in employment. He was much happier out of school than in it.it is maybe not for everyone but I can categorically state that if I had wanted to take the lazy option it would have been far easier to drop him at school every morning

I'm loving the comments about teachers and schools on this thread !
Teachers learn crowd control .
Secondary schools are a hotbed of god awful behaviour and attitudes and bullying yet apparently these kids are suffering by not having the so called 'fun ' and 'social interactions ' 😂😂😂

Ok then !

The state school sysytem is failing so many children it's laughable . It is grossly inefficient .
If you think her kids play all day maybe that is because it takes them a tenth of the time to complete work because they have actual one on one attention .

I'm loving all the assumptions here.

Home education works for those children who don't benefit from being educated at school, provided they are being educated in a manner that suits them.

School benefits many other children where the parents cannot or won't educate their children.

Not all home educators educate, nor do all schools fail all children. There are far too many sweeping generalisations on here.

a friend home educates.
it's really not an easy option. very time consuming and expensive.
the children are doing well (compared to my similar age school educated dc). but they are missing out massively on physical activity. no pe or other sports class is organised for them and apart from walking to the shops and playing in the (small) garden they don't do much.

Pinkswimgoggles Physical education is only in schools because kids can't actually move and play during the school day and lack movement and excersise . Walking and playing in the garden is actually excersise and sufficient excersise for children however if home educated kids require it further they can join clubs and do it .
My children average about three to four hours vigorous excersise a day and hike, cycle, climb , parkour, ballet , skating horse riding etc classes and activities as well as free play on the beach and in ththe woods while their school
counterparts are sat at desks and get three times a week PE class that they moan about !
Even if all they do is play in the garden and run round the house for a few hours a day your friends children are doing better than those being sat at a desk and organised sports are not actually necassary for child development , that would be a western social construct .

My children have changed beyond belief upon attending UK secondary school, none of which is for the better. Stress levels through the roof, attitude, lost their manners. I wish I could home school them tbh k know for s fact I couldn't do a worst job

I can imagine that HE would work brilliantly in many, many cases. It might not be ideal in cases where:

the parents themselves do not model curiosity or interest in the world around them

the parents have a very negative attitude towards learning and education
(tbh school is going to struggle too, with the children of parents like this, but I have known cases where an inspiring teacher has made all the difference, despite parental attitudes)

the parents do not find it easy to provide a safe outdoor environment to play in
(notice that the assumption in previous post is that everybody has a detached house with a garden in a safe area)

the parents have a very narrow social circle and the HE groups are either difficult to get to or very similar to family
(very aware that lovely as my own highbrow, keep-ourselves-to-ourselves family and their friends were, I benefitted enormously from meeting completely different people at school; otherwise, I would have found it very difficult to get along with people who weren't just like us)

the parents suffer from social anxiety or other MH issue which makes it difficult for them to take dc out or help them interact with other people

the parents do not have transport and there are no local HE clubs within easy reach

the child does not want to be home-schooled
(this was the case for my dd who had to spend time at home due to health issues and was desperately unhappy)

Of course, most people who are currently HE'ding do not fall in any of those categories. But that would be my objection to seeing HE'ding as something that was right for every family.

Excellent points Cory

For the record DD goes to school. She is studying 4 A levels, having excelled in her GCSEs at a very good school. I have neither the resources, the inclination, nor the skills to educate her myself, and am happy to pay my taxes for the state to educate her.

Having said that I do recognise that this doesn't suit all children.

My children average about three to four hours vigorous excersise a day and hike

yours might do. my friends dc don't. they can't keep up with my dc in the park for example.

my dc have 2 hours pe, one swimming in school, plus a sports club. as well as the mile school run and a sports club each.

Pinkswimgoggles And you assume that the lack of Physcial Fitness in these children is due to not enoguh excersise ? The fitness levels of school children varies greatly depending on their physical differences

Many HE people don't attend the regular HE groups, cory. Socialisation opportunities are created elsewhere and there are other opportunities for contact with the HE community not involving the bi weekly/monthly groups. It can vary, but most common complaint is that they can be quite pre school heavy, too, with few children over the age of 10.

Just a small point I'm not disagreeing, cory.

I'd add that parents being negative about schools or state schooled children (institutionalised etc etc). Also, if a child wishes to try school, or at some point it honestly might suit them more than HE, they ought to be given the opportunity to try.

the children are doing well (compared to my similar age school educated dc). but they are missing out massively on physical activity. no pe or other sports class is organised for them and apart from walking to the shops and playing in the (small) garden they don't do much.

We have many children dong elite and squad sports (gymnastics, ice skating etc) or dance of 10-20+ hours per week in the HE groups. Many others do more than average sports/dance as part of 'socialisation' which is taken as seriously as any core subject. Not to mention those regular activities organised by the HE community during the daytime week hours.

I'm very pro home education but I do now think that following the very occasional problems of children being removed from school into abusive homes, that a face-to-face 'inspection' visit at least annually should be compulsory.

I think the most useful thing you could do is sort out a 2 week work experience placement at your or your partner's workplace, supervised by you/your partner, for the 16 year old, then offer it to them (not to the mother, perhaps). That might be the sort of thing that could be harder to access in some home education setups than in school, and allows you to see the 16 year old in action. Bearing in mind that a lot of schooled 16 year olds will look hopeless in action , if you give them a lift to the placement or whatever you'll be able to hear more about whether they are reading, what they like to do, whether it sounds like they are working towards qualifications/apprenticeship/work/further study - just generally get to know them a bit more. It might also tell you whether you feel you do have to call the Education Welfare Officer.