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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New au pair staying out all night!

204 replies

LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:00

AIBU to be a bit concerned?

Au pair is young and only arrived this week - went out this afternoon and has texted to say she's staying out all night.

OP posts:
ChiefClerkDrumknott · 07/10/2016 22:01

Is she supposed to be working? If not, nothing to do with you

louisejxxx · 07/10/2016 22:02

I don't think so as long as it's not interfering with the hours she should be working? She may be staying at a boyfriend's/friend's.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 07/10/2016 22:02

Who did she go out with earlier? Has she got some friends already here? Or did she meet a couple of people this week - and is crashing there?

ChequeOff · 07/10/2016 22:03

What is it that's concerning you OP?

Original poster
LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:08

Don't think it's as simple as saying it's nothing to do with me Chief, she's a young girl in a foreign country, she's not been away from home before and I have a responsibility towards her.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/10/2016 22:08

She's let you know that she's staying out so I can't see the problem unless it impacts on her work.

ChequeOff · 07/10/2016 22:11

How old is she Lois?

Original poster
LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:12

Iguess - she has met one other au pair this week and has gone out with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:12

She's 18.

OP posts:
Pickled0nions · 07/10/2016 22:14

Oh my god she's not your daughter give her space she's probably checking out the place if she's never been here before.

zzzzz · 07/10/2016 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 07/10/2016 22:15

Do you really have responsibility for a grown adult who lives at your house? She told you what she's doing so I don't see a problem, I bet she's just staying at a friend's house so she doesn't have to get back late.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 07/10/2016 22:15

I imagine she is staying at her friends house. Drop her a text to say have a good evening and tomorrow when you speak to each other just mention that if she wants to stay out over night that's fine but maybe she could drop you a message in the morning to let you know all is well.

I am a nanny and would have no problem texting my boss after a night out if it made her feel happy.

Original poster
LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:19

Nerr - she might be a grown adult, but only just. She's in a new country and has gone out with someone she's met once before, to a city she's never been to before, so yes I do feel some responsibility towards her!

OP posts:
Akire · 07/10/2016 22:19

Agree she's 18 she's let you know so you don't worry. She's with a friend, though if she just went out and went back to a blokes place I'd be more worried if language or knowing where she was a problem.

Treat her like adult going off to uni of courses she's going want to do young student things, even though she also staying and working with you.

FourToTheFloor · 07/10/2016 22:22

What were you doing at 18 OP? She's fine, she minds your dc, she isn't one of them.

Original poster
LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:23

She's with a new 'friend' that she only met briefly for the first time this week though, not someone she knows well.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 07/10/2016 22:25

So what do you want to do OP? Drag her back? She's 18. She's let you know she won't be back. That's more than some teenagers would do!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/10/2016 22:26

I'm with you OP. Only just an adult.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 07/10/2016 22:28

With you too op, I would be concerned too but not much you can really do.

ErnesttheBavarian · 07/10/2016 22:28

When I was 18 I didn't feel like a grown adult at all! I agree she has the right to a social life bit understanding OP feels responsibility towards her. Is she supposed to be working tomorrow? Is good that she texted but I would not be at all happy.

Original poster
LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:28

I know I can't drag her back, I'm just a little concerned.

I'm sure plenty of posters with 18 year old daughters would feel a little concerned if they went abroad for the first time and a few days in were staying out all night in a strange city with people they just met.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/10/2016 22:29

Only 'just' an adult, happy to trust her with your child/ren but not to make a decision on staying out of she wants? I think you need to back off.

Mojito6 · 07/10/2016 22:30

I totally get your concern I think it's Actualy decent of you to be so concerned however I'm not sure what, If anything, you could actually do

ThatsWotSheSaid · 07/10/2016 22:30

She 18. By the time I was 18 I had been living on my own for two years. It's non of your business what she does IMO.