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AIBU?

New au pair staying out all night!

204 replies

LoisEighty · 07/10/2016 22:00

AIBU to be a bit concerned?

Au pair is young and only arrived this week - went out this afternoon and has texted to say she's staying out all night.

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sm40 · 08/10/2016 08:59

Just make sure she doesn't expect you to rescue her at midnight every weekend! Hopefully it was a one off and next time she'll be a bit more sensible about going out and making sure she can get home.

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Wriggler79 · 08/10/2016 08:59

Think of it as practice-worrying for when your DCs are older 😊 - I'd be worried too, but I am a worrier!

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LoisEighty · 08/10/2016 09:01

Sancia - I don't think that a teenager getting into trouble on their first night out in a big city/strange country necessarily means they will also be an inadequate babysitter.

Pink - so when she said she couldn't get home I should have just told her tough, it's none of my business? And let her wander the streets until the first bus this morning?

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ilovesooty · 08/10/2016 09:01

I don't see how it's being sheep like to question the extent to which the OP is responsible. Opinion seems fairly divided to me.

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Finola1step · 08/10/2016 09:03

I think you did absolutely the right thing.

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elodie2000 · 08/10/2016 09:04

Oh dear... At 18, I was just about learning how to look after myself in the big wide world. At least she had the sense to call you back.
Looks like you now have a teenager to look after too!

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LoisEighty · 08/10/2016 09:07

sm40 - yes, I will make it clear to her today that this was a one-off and we won't be picking her up again! I will ensure she has bus timetables and explain how important it is to have a plan for getting home (even when I was 18+ my mum would always ask how I was getting home before I left the house for a night out!). Might suggest she stays local until she knows more people/the area better. We have plenty of pubs, restaurants, cinemas etc that she could walk home from!

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ilovesooty · 08/10/2016 09:10

Lois I think that's a good plan going forward. I certainly don't think you should have to collect her again.

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PinkSwimGoggles · 08/10/2016 09:12

no
I think you did the right thing.
it's a learning curve being (far) away from home for the first time.
now she knows that she needs to keep the bus schedule in mind or to keep money back for a taxi.
and she knows that you care for her.

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maddiemookins16mum · 08/10/2016 09:19

I agree with the OP, but nothing you can do except maybe send her a text and say hope she had a nice time and something like "are you ok for getting home?", or "remember the buses are different on a Saturday", just to make contact. Then leave her to it. I'd be pleased someone was looking out for my daughter in a strange place but OP, it won't be as bad the next time she does it (iyswim).

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maddiemookins16mum · 08/10/2016 09:20

Arrrghhh xpost sorry.

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blinkowl · 08/10/2016 09:28

LoisEighty you sound like a great family for an Au Pair.

You're especially right to be concerned about her if she's not streetwise and pretty naive - as last night's events show!

It sounds like you have good instincts - ignore the people here who just want to have a go.

She's not just an adult staying in your house - she's not an employee, she's an au pair. The whole point is that they're meant to live as part of your family so it's completely appropriate that you're concerned about her.

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diddl · 08/10/2016 09:29

So she made an arrangement to stay out all night, lost the person she was to stay with & phoned for a lift back?

I know that she's supposed to be considered part of the family, but should that really extend to phoning up for a lift after a night out??

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/10/2016 09:31

All the competitive cool posters on hereHmmGrin

It clearly IS the OP's business when her dh has to go and pick her up as she hasn't worked out transport home because she was going to go and spend the night with a random bloke she met once in the park!

If you feel that way then why the hell have you hired her as your au pair?!? Surely you don't want someone who is only just an adult to be responsible for you home and kids

Never had a teenage babysitter then?

OP I think you need to have a few ground rules, I know plenty friends with 18yr olds and the very least they have to do is tell them where they are staying and who with.

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ilovesooty · 08/10/2016 09:32

Oh don't question that diddl

It will doubtless be perceived as having a go Hmm

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theconstantinoplegardener · 08/10/2016 09:33

I don't think this makes her unsuitable to look after the children. Being an au pair is more akin to being a teenage sibling or babysitter; one expects less from them than you would of a fully trained nanny. I'm sure she'll be fine once she's settled in.

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ilovesooty · 08/10/2016 09:33

Or being a cool poster of course.

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HelloSunshines · 08/10/2016 09:36

I'm going to throw it down there and say it would make me highly uncomfortable to have an 18yo who is not from this country (doesn't even know good/bad areas or transport systems etc) and hasn't lived abroad before (or even lived away from home before?) looking after my DC. Yes 18 technically an adult blah blah but the experience and common sense is not going to be as full as it could/should be.

I would expect more of this stuff OP. You essentially have another child in the house to look after.

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LoisEighty · 08/10/2016 09:37

Ideally not diddl, but what else could we have done really?

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ilovesooty · 08/10/2016 09:40

You probably couldn't have done anything else but I think you're right in saying that she stays locally or ensures that she has the knowledge and money she needs to get home if going further afield.

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NoMudNoLotus · 08/10/2016 09:45

People are so harsh on this site.

People wonder why there is so much awful stuff happening in society - you just have to look at this site to understand why.

People go by "cut off" points such as age , and whether we have any responsibility for that person - no compassion at all.

OP is right to look out for her au pair . Yes she is an adult - but at the moment she is a young adult in a new country which makes her vulnerable .

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Milklollies · 08/10/2016 09:48

I think you do have a heart of gold OP. You shouldn't feel guilty about making some sensible rules for the aupair to stick to until
She becomes way too familiar. She could've been raped, mugged...targeted if she walked alone until 7am so having a sensible head is always a good thing.

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Ditsy4 · 08/10/2016 09:51

Yes diddl what would be the alternative make her walk through a city at night when she doesn't know her way around.
She was probably quite frightened and maybe learnt a lesson.

To all the people who are saying she is unsuitable as an au pair... lois hasn't listed her duties. Perhaps she isn't going to leave the child/ ren in her sole care. Anyway I trained with girls that liked to party but when it came to looking after children they were very responsible and caring. All of them went into childcare and are working in schools and hospitals the only one who was unhappy and came home was a girl who went to London as a nanny. She was badly treated by her employer!
Lois you sound like a caring family and I hope it works out for you.

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LoisEighty · 08/10/2016 10:26

Would those saying she's unsuitable to look after children really send an au pair home after a week because of this?

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PinkSwimGoggles · 08/10/2016 10:33

only if she doesn't learn from this.

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