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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP at a strip club.

223 replies

MumofChuckie · 01/10/2016 16:40

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

OP posts:
whattodowiththepoo · 01/10/2016 16:49

Is this a deal breaker for you? Did he know how it would make you feel?
Only you know how you feel, no one here can tell you how angry or upset you should be.

Mozfan1 · 01/10/2016 16:55

I would break my dh legs. Hell fucking no would that shit be happening. He needs to grow the fuck up.

1.) you're sacrificing while he's spending like a fucking playboy- is he taking the piss?

2.) his wife is pregnant and he's fucking about ogling other women and getting drunk - this needs to be nipped in the bud immediately

He needs telling op- you have every right to be angry and upset. I would be raging tbh.

sillylionheart · 01/10/2016 16:58

What Moz said. What a disrespectful arse nob.

LolaStarr · 01/10/2016 16:59

If it was me and my DH I would leave him.

Sparklesilverglitter · 01/10/2016 17:00

I can see why you are upset, £200 is money that would of been better spent on the baby as it sounds like you don't have that kind of free cash right now or you wouldn't be selling things.
I also think going to a strip club on your own is a bit weird really.

How is your relationship generally? Are you happy?

My DH has been to strip clubs on stag nights and I've seen strippers on hen nights, but DH has never lied about it if asked and his never spend money we don't have.

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2016 17:01

I would leave, too. It's totally disrespectful and my heart goes out to you, trying to make ends meet while he's shoving notes down a strange woman's knickers.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 17:02

On his own and got a dance? Would be a deal breaker for me. And lied about it? I couldn't look at him.

Have you had conversations about strip clubs and so on?

Eatthecake · 01/10/2016 17:03

Are you happy in the relationship? I think first step is to sit down and have a chat about and tell him how you feel over it and go from there.

For me I don't mind a strip club but I would be fucking annoyed that he spend £200 when I was selling stuff to provide for the baby.

I'd also be annoyed that he didn't admit to it straight away, my DH is a lot of things but at least his straight up he'll tell me the truth if his asked something.

positivity123 · 01/10/2016 17:05

It's up to you if it is a deal breaker. I wouldn't end it with him if it was me but I would go fucking ballistic at him. He'd be on the sofa for at least a week and I'd expect some big time apologies. You need to make sure he is fully aware that he is a sad sorry excuse for a man.
Dick.

AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:05

Deal breaker

hollyisalovelyname · 01/10/2016 17:05

Sorry OP but I don't think this relationship will last.

Scarydinosaurs · 01/10/2016 17:05

£200 on just a dance? Sounds like a private dance. Do you know exactly what that entails?

Pinkheart5915 · 01/10/2016 17:06

Going to a strip club on your own, Weird!
Spending money that you don't have when a baby is on the way, Wrong!
Lying about it to start with, just why? His an adult he done something so just admit to it for goodness sake

The strip club in itself wouldn't bother me but the above would

If your generally quite happy in the realtionship? Then your first step is to have a chat and talk about what the hell is going on in his head and why he thinks it's ok and go from there

ohfourfoxache · 01/10/2016 17:07

No fucking way. He'd have his bags packed and spitting his teeth out.

eightbluebirds · 01/10/2016 17:08

Deal breaker here. If my husband encouraged a half naked woman to dance all over him, I wouldn't be suddenly okay with it just because he has paid for the "privilege". It's cheating in my eyes and he'd be kicked out. Spending all that money on it would just make my decision easier.

inthekitchensink · 01/10/2016 17:08

Disgusting lack of respect for you, for your family and for women. I'd be chucking him out. Wtf - on his own ata strip club? Sounds like he was pissed and putting off coming home and dealing with reality and responsibility. He needs to grow the fuck up. Only you can know if he is perpetually the immature little shit or whether this is a completely unacceptable blip he needs to cop to.

tametempo · 01/10/2016 17:08

Does he regret what he did? As a first offence, if he was genuinely remorseful about it, I could consider making things work.

But if he doesn't see anything wrong with what he has done, then I'd be out of there.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 17:10

And I think the analogy of women seeing strippers on a night out or at a hen isn't comparable. A private dance is very different. And, the way that sexual politics are, a better analogy is you showing your breasts to someone. For money. Would he be A-OK with that? Because if it's OK one way, it's OK the other, right?

Boundaries · 01/10/2016 17:11

Absolute deal breaker. Quite apart from the personal disrespect he has shown you, I couldn't be with someone who supported the sex industry.

I'm sorry OP, this is shit. Are you able to tell anyone in RL?

Realhousewivesofshit · 01/10/2016 17:12

It wouldn't bother me if dh went to a strip club with mates. It would bother me a lot spending money we couldn't afford though.

I think the 'I would break his legs' is a hideous comment and LTB sentiments just silly really.

Op you know how you feel about this. It's your call

inthekitchensink · 01/10/2016 17:15

How is it silly to want to leave someone who supports the exploitationof women? Why are standards so low that we accept this as lads being lads? Vom

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:17

Question here is why do you care? there are naked girls everywhere, you are not the only woman on planet earth. He did not touch the woman so get over it

Cathaka15 · 01/10/2016 17:19

Op said its a first time offence. What's with the I would leave him stuff. Op you're pregnant and you're husband is a disgusting pig for doing this. Make him pay for it another way but leaving him is not the right move right now imo.

AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:19

LTB "sentiments" are not "silly"

This bloke went looking for a sexual encounter outside of his relationship. Many people consider that to be cheating and I agree with them.

My husband knows if he did this the papers would be served before he could even get a pathetic apology out of his mouth.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:20

however the £200 spend when you are saving for a baby is a piss take.