DP at a strip club.

[MumofChuckie]

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

That would be the amount of women she has helped.

Not that's it's relative but I'd still be in an abusive relationship and quite probably dead without the advice on relationship board.

Quite happy too have your back AF

Can I just say it would be a perfectly normal and acceptable reaction to feel jealous if the man you love would rather pay a stranger to show him her fanny than come home to you.

Wow Anyfucker has some real cred on mumsnet. They've all got her back.

And yes, as a long term, sometimes excruciatingly blunt poster, AF does have a lot of credibilty on here. Even when others disagree with her perspective, opinion and/or advice, they can see that she is posting consistently and with proper thought, a sense of purpose, meaning, rather than for the sake of titillation!

We can be quite grown up like that - sometimes!

Its just sheep or sock puppets.

Blanche I don't care about stripclubs I am not insecure and the strippers DO NOT do ANYTHING sexual with the man. This is not america.
The only thing he did wrong here was spending 200 quid when he knows his wife is selling stuff for their new baby.
If he spent the 200 quid in a pub it would be just as bad and stupid.

Oh dear.

AF haters coming out of the woodwork are they?

I just happen to agree with AF on this. She has her own back, no need for anyone else to have it.

But yes, goady fuckers are best ignored.

Thanks guys.

OP how are you doing ?

Wow Anyfucker has some real cred on mumsnet. That explains why she is being attacked while many women are saying the exact same thing as her.

I don't hate strippers. What I hate is the commoditization and exploitation of women. The treating of women as objects. Strippers and working women are at the sharp end of that and I don't hate them at all.

Within 2 pages posters are arguing and insulting each other and making this thread about everything other than the OP.

It's a little thing called respect. What sensible advice have you give today Trucker Dave?

"Question here is why do you care? there are naked girls everywhere, you are not the only woman on planet earth. He did not touch the woman so get over it"

Do you have any idea what goes on in strip clubs?

A strip club isn't about men looking at naked women from afar. And although a man may not touch the woman in a private dance (if it's the kind of club where those rules are kept to that is) she will almost certainly touch him.

Private dances are extremely explicit. I would not be happy at all about my partner engaging in that - or being with someone who thinks it is fine to pay another human being to do that either.

I used to know a bunch of women who worked in strip clubs, it was £10 for a private dance in the cheap places, £20 in Stringfellows. That was a few years back, but I can't imagine it's gone up that much. I'd want to know what exactly he spent £200 on?!

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld
Jelly they really aren't sex traffickers, you have a point about exploiting but the trafficking you are 100% wrong there.

Nope. you are completely wrong. Women are trafficked into strip clubs, not just brothels.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/22/women-sex-trafficking-women-problem
"I had to go to my town and tell the girls there that I knew from school that there were great opportunities in the UK for them, you know, as waitresses and even as dancers," says Elda''

the strippers DO NOT do ANYTHING sexual with the man. Why on earth would someone spend 200 quid on it them? Life drawing?

OP what he has done is bad and unacceptable, but it isn't enough for you to end the relationship with him, and what he has done I wouldn't class it as cheating.

He hasn't slept with anyone, I just hope you make the right decision after all you are 7 months pregnant so you are going to need him.

kaytee you are 100% right but breaking up her family over this? really?

How many men have probably watched porn and paid would you break up your family over that too?

It is irrational and terrible advice.

Mrsteryy because stripclubs are expensive for drinks and dances. Strippers do not do anything sexual.

Blanche I don't care about stripclubs I am not insecure and the strippers DO NOT do ANYTHING sexual with the man. This is not america.

Mmm! You are wrong, but I doubt anything I could say will convince you!

But I do have very good reason to know that any strip club, let alone a lap dancing club, can and does offer sexual acts. It may be illegal, but it still happens. Not in all, and not all strippers would ever consider it. But some do!

herface it's entirely up to the op where she draws the line but if she does leave him then he has broken up the family with his actions. Op hasn't done anything wrong at all, her partner knows he has which is why he lied about it.

"the strippers DO NOT do ANYTHING sexual with the man. This is not america. "

Ha fucking ha.

So you'd be happy for your DP to have a young woman strip in front of him in private, bend over and and wave her naked vulva centimeters from his face?

Or do you consider that not sexual?

Jelly you are reading from a newspaper that spreads gossip. I am telling you this from experience. Stripping is not escorting.

My dh has been to the odd strip club, I don't mind. He likes the 'gentlemans club' feel more than anything, it's a nicer environment than a club club if your a bit on the middle aged side, places to sit etc. However, he wouldn't dream of going to one whilst I was pregnant, I wouldn't have to tell him how that might make me feel. Add to that if money was tight and I'd be incredibly disappointed to put it mildly. You can go and nurse a beer, no need to splash on private dances. Sounds like he was trying to play the big man in front of his mates, shame he has just shown himself up as a immature little boy. He has got a lot of growing up to do in the next couple of months, I'd let him know he is very much on probation.

It's bullying one prolific poster she wasn't the first to give that advice and she's been singled out.

How many men have probably watched porn and paid would you break up your family over that too?

Yep, I most certainly would.

I didn't tell the OP to leave him. I said what I would do.

Funnily enough, AF didn't tell the OP to leave him either.

herface why don't you fuck off somewhere else. I'd much rather hear what AF has to say any day than listen to you. You've given your opinion we all think you're a GF, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

BTW It wouldn't be me breaking the family up. It would be him.

He knows my boundaries. His choice.

blink as I have expressed several times I would not care and no it is not in his face, you cannot even get close to the male anymore.
Some of you really have some warped opinions about stripclubs.

The private rooms start at £400 so he did not go to any private room, that I am 100% sure of