I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.
He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.
Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.
He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.
What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.
But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.
And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...
Please help.
AIBU?
DP at a strip club.
MumofChuckie · 01/10/2016 16:40
She hasn't done anything wrong other than state her opinion so just leave her alone and what you are doing is actually bullying, it's not nice.
Mmm! Have a quick re-read and you will see that she started posting in this thread in an aggressive manner, posting at others, being generally angry and pissed off. OP asked her to stop as, far from being the help she thought she was OP found her posts upsetting. She continued...
If you think that is 'just posting an opinion' and that anyone, including the OP, who challenges that 'opinion' is bullying then we must own radically different dictionaries 
OP, I am very sorry you have been subjected to this kind of behaviour by your partner, which is abusive on several levels - emotional, financial, sexual 
Only you can decide the boundaries for you and your unborn child and the kind of future you want. But whatever you decide please request sexual health screening from your midwife to ensure both you and your baby are fine. Right now, you are potentially at risk from STIs. You need confirmation that all is okay.
Your partner has engaged in the sex industry and has spent £200. In many clubs that buys sex (legality does not come into it). Moreover, do you have confirmation that he even visited a club? Or did he simply visit an escort? Either way, he has admitted to visiting a strip club. You have no way of verifying his level of engagement in the sex industry or whether this is his first time...will it be his last? Men who participate in the sex industry tend to engage in habitual behaviour.
If I were in your position, my first concern would be my sexual health and the health of my unborn child. I would be contacting my midwife Monday morning for a full sexual health screen. Personally, I would not feel safe with this man on any level and nor would I feel respected. I very much hope you have support to call upon - you deserve to be cherished and especially when pregnant - your midwife should be able to signpost you for emotional support.
At about 7 months pregnant I went right off sex, stretch marks started appearing and the changes in my body knocked my confidence a bit. I remember talking to a close friend about how we had not had sex in a while and she said if I don't give him it, he will get his needs met elsewhere, as if he cheated then it would my fault. Erm, nope. Men don't need sex! it's a bullshit excuse they give to make their partners feel guilty and take the blame for their shitty behaviour.
You dp may not try to blame you, but if he does, I'd see at him being ok to hurt me by by lying, spending family money we don't have and buying a woman for his sexual thrills, and then making me feel even shitter by blaming me as another mark of his disrespect for me.
I'd consider my dh watching any woman dance naked for him as cheating, i would end a marriage over that, but in some way him paying would be an extra layer of grimness, my logic is if he did with say a woman he met at work, it would be mutually consensual, where as if he's paid a woman to perform for him, he's bought her consent if that makes sense? That makes me really uncomfortable.
Many women wouldn't be happy with this and would view it as cheating and leave their dps, other women think it's only cheating if he's stuck his dick in a other woman so may be prepared to try work through it. You dp knew you were not ok with it, so rather than not do it, he did it a nd lied, You need to decide which you are comfortable with, I don't either staying or leaving will be easy and will both take a while to get through
I don't blame women who strip, I dont think they are beneath me, and i don't think they are after their clients either, the only person to blame for the breakdown of marriages and tearing apart of families in this context is the men who put their dicks before their families.
Deal breaker for me. It's cheating imo.
Wrong on all sorts of levels and no coming back from it
Lmao at the posters who insist nothing sexual goes on. The arrogance that they think they know everything about every single stripper in the land.
OP
I had a period of that same 'some sort of pre natal depression' at about 6/7 months, and have to say I would be deverstated if DP had done this to me, however in our situation I would perhaps have understood, and maybe even been happy he hadn't just 'pulled' some girl from a club (shudder). This would never make it OK however, and we've had the conversation many a times so he knows it would be unnaceptable but maybe if you haven't spoken to/told your DP this he may have thought it was forgivable? Unfortunately men do seem to have that little niggle inside of them that tells them they just need to get off, and if the likelyhood of achieving it from your heavily pregnant, slightly depressed Mrs isn't very high, their manhood encourages them to seek it elsewhere... 
I think if you haven't actually refused him/pushed him away in that sense for at least more than a month then his actions are really not forgivable.
His 'spunking' (loved that) of 200quid whilst trying to prepare for a baby in difficult(?) circumstances would be totally unforgivable in my mind.
He needs to get his sorry ass of the sofa and make it up to you big time my love
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