Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP at a strip club.

223 replies

MumofChuckie · 01/10/2016 16:40

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:20

All kinds of low life specimens will come out of the woodwork now to tell op to get over it.

Lovely.

pugsake · 01/10/2016 17:21

Would be a deal breaker for me too.

I don't buy into all this being cool with stripclubs and other laddish shite. It's not cool it's disrespectful.

Lynnm63 · 01/10/2016 17:22

For me it would be wasting £200 when we couldn't afford it that would annoy me most. I can kind of understand him going to the strip club if all his mates had gone and he didn't want to appear to be henpecked but going on his own seems a bit weird to me.

If he's apologetic and promises never to do it again I'd probably ignore it but if he thinks he's done nothing wrong with spending £200 to have someone gyrate near him then he's a twat and I'm not sure I'd be able to stay with him.

inthekitchensink · 01/10/2016 17:22

Ugh. Yes it's fine to be upset, fine to discuss with him that this will never happen again, and fine to decide it's a deal breaker. You don't have to be a cool wife and put up and shut up. Most decent men will listen and not do it again, or not have done it to begin with.

lcl · 01/10/2016 17:22

I just feel really bad for you. He's made a big mistake but it's not worth ending a relationship over as you have a child on the way. You just need to know from him he won't do it again and if he does that will be it. I've been very lucky as my husband is funny about strip clubs and won't go in them much to the ribbing of friends on stag dos years ago. I would have struggled with the concept big time so I totally get why you are upset however it's not cheating really it's financially wasteful and degrading to women. It's not worth ending a relationship over but it's a issue that needs resolving now and not to be repeated.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rubberduck2 · 01/10/2016 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 17:24

Since this has none of the usual, 'it was my mates' aspect to it, it is; a man decided he wanted to be sexually titillated by someone other than his wife. He paid for this from money they are saving for a baby.

In my book that's cheating. It is also engaging and encouraging the sex trade, which I am vehemently opposed to. And he lied.

First offence my arse.

ToastDemon · 01/10/2016 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KayTee87 · 01/10/2016 17:24

It's bad enough he went to a strip joint by himself (beyond creepy) not even the guise of a stag do as an excuse, but he then actually paid a strange women to take her clothes off for him and possibly the rest. I actually think the worst of it is that you're selling things to buy nice things for the baby you made together and he's happy to spunk £200 up a wall (pardon the pun). This would be very close to a deal breaker for me if I'm honest.

stitchglitched · 01/10/2016 17:25

It would be a deal breaker for me, I wouldn't want to be with a man who thinks women are commodities to be purchased for sexual kicks. That's before adding on the cheating, lying and spending family money that you can ill afford. LTB is not silly.

AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:25

I am utterly secure. Which is why I can be completely clear about where my boundaries lie. You have it arse face about, map. Who are the women I am hating on, BTW ?

OurBlanche · 01/10/2016 17:26

Mmm! A dance costs about £40 or £50.

I hate to say it, but I would not be entirely certain he has told you the whole truth yet!

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:27

Op please don't end your relationship over this, You have told him it upset you and he now needs to find the money and work extra hours to pay it off but it is NOT cheating.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:27

Toast thanks for the compliment

Sparklesilverglitter · 01/10/2016 17:27

herface why so rude?? all anyfucker did was give her view as did the rest of us she did nothing wrong, she certainly isn't trying to rub of any negativity IMO

ohfourfoxache · 01/10/2016 17:28

Grin at the thought of Anyfucker as an insecure female Grin

That's the funniest thing I've seen on here for a while

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:29

sparkles how about you go back and read then come back and see who was rude.

AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:29

Goady fuckers galore this place, recently

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 17:29

If engaging with someone in sexual behaviour who isn't your partner isn't cheating, what is?

Sallystyle · 01/10/2016 17:29

I would LTB

I don't care if others think it is silly.

I don't have low standards though, I except to be treated with respect and I expect my husband to be a decent loving man, not someone who supports exploiting women or pays to have half naked women draped over him.

I would leave him if he got a naked dance from a woman he was friends with, or a woman he just met in a club, so why does exchanging money make it less cheating?

Others are free to have different standards, but you don't get to tell others that we are being silly for having them.

I would rather be on my own than live with a man with so little respect for our marriage and women in general.

If you want sexual encounters from others fine, but you don't get to remain married to me while doing so.

I am so sorry OP Thanks

Rubberduck2 · 01/10/2016 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boundaries · 01/10/2016 17:29

anyfucker you're just an insecure female trying to rub off your negativity on someone else. Its a strip club so what!
The only low life here is you hating on other women. Get over yourself.

Who is AF hating? I mean which women? I think you misread, it's lowlife men who go for private dances in strip joints she hates. Durr.

eggyface · 01/10/2016 17:29

I'm with AnyFucker. map you're a goady idiot.