Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP at a strip club.

223 replies

MumofChuckie · 01/10/2016 16:40

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

OP posts:
MissingPanda · 01/10/2016 17:51

Have to admit I'm Grin at AF hating on other women

OP leaving aside his having gone to a strip club and had a dance, which would be a deal breaker for me, for a moment. Think about the fact that he lied to you and would have continued to lie if you hadn't found the receipt. Can you really trust this man?

Madinche1sea · 01/10/2016 17:52

I'm really sorry this has happened OP. At 7 months pregnant, your DP should be going out of his way to be reassuring and supportive. Getting a private dance is the height of disrespect at any time, let alone now. Maybe he's freaking out about the baby (especially if the pregnancy was unplanned, as you say), but so what?

My DH admits to having been in strip clubs in his 20s when he was in the military, but there is no way he would now as a husband and father to two girls. He knows it would be a deal- breaker for me.

Sorry again. I think you have to move forward assuming he is now out of the picture. Flowers

Sallystyle · 01/10/2016 17:52

He likes the 'gentleman club' feel more than anything

How the definition of gentleman has changed!

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:52

u2 saying "its a deal breaker" what do you think that means?

Cocoabutton · 01/10/2016 17:52

It is not terrible advice to consider your options. If an man is prepared to waste £200 in a strip club when his partner or wife is seven months pregnant, selling things to buy baby stuff and struggling with her mental health, then managing oneself looks a more attractive option from where I am standing. If he has £200 to spend, why is it going on drink and strippers when there is a baby on the way?

Boundaries · 01/10/2016 17:52

It is sexual. The entire point is to turn on the viewer, usualybwith extreme close ups of genitals. It's live porn.

The sex industry, the commodification of women and the exploitation that in central to it is reprehensible. There simply is no argument to defend it.

OP, hope you're ok.

forburylion · 01/10/2016 17:53

Even if I wasn't pregnant and we had plenty of money to burn, it would be an absolute deal breaker if DH went to a strip club. Nothing to do with insecurity but I just couldn't be with somebody who had such a lack of respect for women - me or the women dancing for him.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 01/10/2016 17:53

6am? Sounds like more than a dance to me. And £200 buys more than a dance and a beer I'm sure.

Is he being completely truthful op?

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:55

They dont get close up, I like the way women who have never been to a strip club are saying what they "think happens"

I am telling you from experience, you have to stand cm away from the man, you get more close to people on the train then stripclubs this is not america.

eightbluebirds · 01/10/2016 17:56

Herface, your posts are helping no one. Take your agenda elsewhere.

OurBlanche · 01/10/2016 17:57

I like the way women who have never been to a strip club are saying what they "think happens

And I adore the way you have lept to that assumption!

You might want to consider that what you are describing is what is supposed to happen, and usually does in the well known chains.

Not quite as accurate when applied to smaller, local clubs, which may not be quite as law abiding!

Sallystyle · 01/10/2016 17:58

u2 saying "its a deal breaker" what do you think that means?

Errr, that it is a deal breaker for AF?

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:58

Blanche I use to be a stripper, say something now?

AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:58

Just to let you know, map, I haven't buzzed off.

I will address the op if she comes back.

Rubberduck2 · 01/10/2016 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastDemon · 01/10/2016 18:00

HerFace I spotted pages ago that you are or were a stripper. You're incredibly angry and defensive. I suggest if something like this thread causes you this level of pain and discomfort, that you seek counselling for your feelings about your past.

AppleJac · 01/10/2016 18:00

He is disgusting.

Zero respect for you. No way would i tolerate this

Boundaries · 01/10/2016 18:00

You being a stripper don't change anything.

It is sexual
The sex industry is reprehensible
Your comments aren't helpful to the OP
The genitals are close enough to see.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 01/10/2016 18:00

I would be equally upset if my DH went to a strip club. I know that it's supposed to be ok, we've been force fed that bollox from 'page 3 is harmeless' to Stringfellows being a celeb hang out and all the rest of it. But it's not ok, and it's not harmless. But what really pisses me of is every single time one of these threads comes up is ranting of some the people who thinks every woman should just suck it up and not get upset.

Don't fucking tell me what I am and am not allowed to get upset over.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 18:01

Eight why don't you?

This woman is pregnant and emotional and you are all winding her up saying her husband had fannys in his face and more than a dance! You have NO idea how strip clubs run.

Why are you trying to make her feel worse based on your imagination of what strip clubs are like!
This is HER life you won't have to deal with the repercussions its her who will.

BedknobsandBullhooks · 01/10/2016 18:01

I know more than a little about strip clubs (I've been in a few as part of my past work, not working as a stripper I might add)! And I'm still on friendly terms with some strippers.

FWIW I've never known of any trafficking. Clubs I've worked in have been diligent on ID and background checks but I won't say that means It's never happened.

£200 is average for an hour's dance.
The customers aren't allowed to touch. *

So if he's spent £200 , easy done if he buys an hour's dance or buys half an hour and a couple of smaller ones, or if he buys any of the above and a few drinks-drinks tend to be above average prices. Or if he lends money to friends although I know he says he went alone.

Some strippers will let them. Boundaries vary. Some want extra tips for touching in certain areas. Some girls go a LOT further than they should. I've never witnessed full sex occuring but I have heard about it and don't disbelieve. I've witnessed other sexual acts. Sorry OP. I hope he hasn't but I doubt he'll ever admit it. I think I would be very hurt, not least about the money unless I was very* well off.

forburylion · 01/10/2016 18:01

A male stripper Herface? As its usually only men who refer to women as "females"

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 18:01

toast Lol

KayTee87 · 01/10/2016 18:03

herface it was quite clear several posts ago that you used to be a stripper or are a stripper. I'm still not sure why you think you know what goes on at every single club across the country.

Madinche1sea · 01/10/2016 18:03

HerFace - that was your choice but please don't tell other women how they're supposed to feel about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread