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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP at a strip club.

223 replies

MumofChuckie · 01/10/2016 16:40

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

OP posts:
LumpySpacedPrincess · 01/10/2016 17:29

I think it's silly to stay with a man who spends £200 at a strip club on a private dance but then I have quite high expectations from a partner.

pugsake · 01/10/2016 17:30

What toast said with more swearing. This place is a different planet sometimes.

AF I just have no comeback pp is fucking deluded.

ohfourfoxache · 01/10/2016 17:30

Herface perhaps it is you, who should toddle off dear. Not AF.

Cheerio now!

Mozfan1 · 01/10/2016 17:30

anyfucker we're obviously man AND woman haters because we wouldn't be walked all over while seven months pregnant and scraping the pennies together trying to provide for the new member of the family. If I'm a woman hater for that then so be it. And to the pp who said breaking his legs is hideous, maybe it is. But what the op's partner did is fucking hideous. And it's exactly what I would do.

pugsake · 01/10/2016 17:31

Herface are you op's wanker of a partner genuine question?

Sallystyle · 01/10/2016 17:32

Yeah, my hate of strip clubs is not coming from insecurity.

I do have things I'm insecure about but this isn't one of them.

I just have good boundaries and a lot of self respect. I have enough self respect to know I'm worth more than being married to a man who pays to get his sexual kicks from a stripper.

ImTiredMum · 01/10/2016 17:33

Sorry to hear what has happened to you Flowers

I'd be absolutely fuming, I probably wouldn't speak to him for a week.

And HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld I totally agree with you there Wink

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/10/2016 17:33

I'm astounded that men are prepared to pay £200 for a sexy dance Shock. Fools.

Couples have moved on from affairs or cheating and forgiven this sort of thing. You need to decide if you can.
If you don't want to give your husband a green light to repeat this, then it can't be brushed under the carpet. You need to make it clear to him how betrayed you feel and decide if the relationship can be salvaged.

Mozfan1 · 01/10/2016 17:34

What U2 said- why should anyone lower their standards so they don't look insecure- I would rather be alone than put up with that shite.

imnotreally · 01/10/2016 17:34

For one, it's cheating.

For another, if that's how he sees women do you really want to potentially bring a daughter up around this man?!

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:34

Really don't care for the insecure idiots on here tell your irrelevant opinions to someone who cares, you are jealous and insecure simple as. Telling to Op to break up her family because her partner did a stupid mistake which wasn't cheating.
You are not the only women on planet earth and don't act like you are some all mighty above strippers..
Women forever hating on other women its so sad and pathetic rather than support eachother.

Realhousewivesofshit · 01/10/2016 17:35

Everyone has their boundaries anyfucker but as right as you are to hsve yours other people have theirs and that's the way it is.

Funnily enough it's very easy to post LTB to a pregnant woman. Leaving a marriage isn't done lightly or in my book after one night out. Yes he wasted £200 and that would make me livid. He hasn't had sex with another woman as far as op says. Yes it's vile and stupid behaviour but op needs time to calm, process and think.

And this cool wives bollovks that's creeping into mumsnet is so bloody childish and just a pathetic attempt to shut down people who may or may not disagree with another poster.

It's a tedious nonsense.

How are you know op?

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:35

Yes I am Goady, I would rather be ANYTHING then a jealous insecure twat who puts down other woman.

pugsake · 01/10/2016 17:36

If herface isn't the op's partner she's a hairy handed trucker called Dave.

JellyBelli · 01/10/2016 17:37

Strip clubs exploit women and many are involved in sex trafficking. Its not ok to turn a blind eye to using them, its flat out abuse.
A lap dance does not cost £200.
OP isnt the one breaking up her family. Her DP and his shit friends are the ones doing that.

AnyFucker · 01/10/2016 17:37

Ignore the GF, everyone.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 01/10/2016 17:38
HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 17:38

Jelly they really aren't sex traffickers, you have a point about exploiting but the trafficking you are 100% wrong there.

Boundaries · 01/10/2016 17:38

Who is putting down women - apart from you, putting down female posters here, map

pugsake · 01/10/2016 17:38

Why is it men cheat are abusive and a whole host of other shit yet it's the women who's responsible for breaking up the family.

MrsKoala · 01/10/2016 17:39

I'd rather my dh drunkenly snogged someone rather than paying a women to bend over and put her genitals in his face. The thought of that makes me heave and is very much crossing the line in our marriage agreements to each other.

I am 8months pregnant and can safely say the bags would be packed.

I may be able to forgive going to a strip club with a big group of lads on a stag do and not having a dance. But going on your own and having a dance is someone looking for a sexual thrill, not a banter and a laugh with mates.

This is all quite apart from the fact you are selling things to buy baby stuff and he has spent that amount of money on it.

Cathaka15 · 01/10/2016 17:39

Wow Anyfucker has some real cred on mumsnet. They've all got her back.

OurBlanche · 01/10/2016 17:40

I would rather be ANYTHING then a jealous insecure twat who puts down other woman. What, like 9 months pregnant, skint, in pain and suddenyl findingout that your OH is throwing cash away on sex acts, on his own, just because.. and then lying about it?

You would really rather be in OPs position than ever show a raw emotion?

I truly feel sorry for you. Someone has done a real number on you if you don't feel it is ever appropriate to show feelings of insecurity!

EweAreHere · 01/10/2016 17:40

He'd be gone.

He's lied to you. He's disrespected you. He's prioritizing getting his needs met by some stranger in a club and paying for it while you sell things so you can buy things for your baby.

As for 'first time', I'd also guess he's done things like this before and you just haven't caught him.

Seriously. Is the the type of man you want as a husband and father ... although I guess you're stuck with him as the father now ... asking him he'd explain his behaviour to a future daughter. Would he be happy if some guy treated her like that?

JustMeAndHim · 01/10/2016 17:40

OP I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

At 7 months pg I would have issues with him saying he would be in at 2 and sneaking in at 6.

I would have bigger issues with the fact that he went to a strip club alone, even before considering the private dance.

Lying to you really is the icing on the cake.

I would think there is more to this than meets the eye if it were me. Does he have form for this kind of behaviour (I.e the lying or staying out late?).

I won't say LTB, that's clearly a matter for you but I wouldn't be cool about this and I think it raises a lot of questions as to him and his behaviour. It is utterly disrespectful to you, whether pg or not.

How has he been since he confessed?