DP at a strip club.

[MumofChuckie]

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

God, this is awful. You poor thing.

I would leave DH over this. To know he was capable of seeing women as something that could be bought would be the deal breaker for me. Especially as we have a daughter.

However, at 7 and a half months pregnant I would not be putting myself under any pressure to make any decisions. Look after yourself for now. No rush to take any action unless you feel that's what you want to do.

Agree with U2. The excuses some posters make for some men is staggering. Beggars belief. It's like all common sense goes out the window. The double standard......

WomanActually although i don't agree that going to a stripclub is cheating, i completely agree with you in regards to about sex.
Why is it that people always say men have to get it from elsewhere but if the roles were reversed would the same posters say the same?

OP is probably feeling all the things that are being used to excuse his behaviour, on top of that she has to deal with changed to her body pregnancy brings, and a partner who rather than talk to her chooses to spend money they are both worried they don't have on getting a woman to talk her clothes off and dance for him.

Sounds like OP has more worries and stresses than he does now, so I guess she can go out til 6am, and spend the night paying a man to dance naked for her and her dp will be understanding? I doubt it though.

I don't think alcohol makes people turn into arseholes, it's just used as an excuse for them, and if we excuse them it makes it look ok. OP doesn't have to leave him, but he's been an arsehole and he should at least own it and not make pathetic excuses like I was drunk, or I was scared about being a dad. What happens when he finds that he's not top of OPs priorities when baby is here?

He may have got the dance to go along with everyone else. I would be annoyed about the lying though.

Unicorn he went to the club alone so the peer pressure excuse cant be used here.

uni he was on his own though?
There was no need for him to go there on his own.
I agree that he needs to to give something up to get that money back.
If op is selling things to make money for the baby then the dp shouldn't be wasting £200 on dances.

He may have got the dance to go along with everyone else

Is he a child?

Sorry Helena admittedly I hadn't read the full thread. Apologies. Ok well that is a bit odd.

Unfortunately men do seem to have that little niggle inside of them that tells them they just need to get off, and if the likelyhood of achieving it from your heavily pregnant, slightly depressed Mrs isn't very high, their manhood encourages them to seek it elsewhere... angry
I think if you haven't actually refused him/pushed him away in that sense for at least more than a month then his actions are really not forgivable.

I'm not sure I know any men whose brains work like this. Fucking hell. If this was even a conversation in your relationship you need to find your fucking standards and pick them up off the floor.

I'm not sure I know any men whose brains work like this. Fucking hell. If this was even a conversation in your relationship you need to find your fucking standards and pick them up off the floor.

Well, yes. Exactly.

If you were at a party and went into a room and found your partner with your neighbour engaged in exactly the same activity as goes on in a private dance, would you back out again, saying sorry, enjoy the fun?

You wouldn't. You would shout "what the fuck are you doing?" and treat him like an adulterous bastard. That full penetrative sex didn't take place or he didn't touch her probably wouldn't make much of a dent in your feelings of betrayal and anger.

Why is it different because he paid money for the privilege??

If you were at a party and went into a room and found your partner with your neighbour engaged in exactly the same activity as goes on in a private dance, would you back out again, saying sorry, enjoy the fun? Fucking exactly.

If I showed someone my breasts to turn them on, my DH would be horrified. And he would consider it cheating. How is the opposite remotely OK?

But surely the point here is more about the decisions we take when drunk. I honestly believe men don't get the issues around strip clubs, but I also know the private rooms in the ones where I live cost £150 upwards, and the girls look and view the customers with disdain. Highly unlikely anything would have actually "happened".

I honestly believe men don't get the issues around strip clubs

You have a poor opinion of men. A lot of us see them as the fuckwit/inadequate magnets that they are. No man I know would be seen dead in one.

The men I know go once in a blue moon, and generally moan about it cos it's a stag do or a work thing, but I still think the ones I know just don't get the underlying reasons why it's so wrong.

Nobody is forced to go to a strip club, either through work or on a stag do. To do so shows a weakness in character, at the very least.

Having thought about what you are saying, I concede. Maybe I am being naive.

Cockacidal none of the men i know do it either. It is just not known of in my inner or wider circle.

I heard about the stag weekend of the son of a fellow Slimming world member.................they all went kayaking. This was a couple of years ago. The young groom who was 23 couldnt wait to go. There are so many other choices to a great stag weekend than bloody strip clubs.

I'm so sorry op.

I have to say if it were my dh I would leave him. I'd leave him for the strip club alone.

Add to that the fact he went on his own, he came in so late without telling you, spending the money, lying, there's no way I'd even have to think about it.

I'm sure he's justified it to himself but in my opinion it's not that much different to having an affair and I wouldn't trust him not to do that down the line when some other circumstance occurs that he needs to 'get some frustration out'.

Only low quality men attend strip clubs; it's not a sign of classiness

Absolutely spot on.

Had to laugh at the post taking about "Gentleman's club" atmosphere.

The men I know go once in a blue moon, and generally moan about it cos it's a stag do or a work thing, but I still think the ones I know just don't get the underlying reasons why it's so wrong.

They don't have to go though, if they don't like them,surely they just say no to the night out? A grown man doing something he doesn't like just cos his mates are sounds really feeble, if it's once in a blue moon it's not like he's never gonna have other nights out with them by saying no to the rare occasion they go to strip clubs.

I also think a lot of men who buy access to women know the underlying reasons why it's wrong, some just don't care and some do it for that very reason, they get off on the control etc and knowing that woman is consenting because she needs his money, not because she actually enjoys it. I hope I'm wrong and that the majority just don't get it, but I don't think they are that stupid tbh.

Hope you're feeling bit better today op and have been able to talk to your dp, or sort something out.