DP at a strip club.

[MumofChuckie]

I'm 7 months pregnant and just found out my DP went to a strip club last night on his own, and yes, got a dance.

He went out on a bender with his friends, no problem with that at all. Said he'd be home by 2, crept in at 6. Again, no problem. We all need that once in a while.

Asked him what he got up to, he was cagey. I empty his pockets to put his jeans in a wash with everything else and I see a receipt that completely contradicts what he told me.

He tried to get around it but quickly fessed up. Then he put it down to 'just wanted a couple of beers to end the night' to which I'm like, errrr there's got to be £200 here. Admitted to the dance.

What do I do? I feel awful because he lied numerous times, he knows I'm on the brink of some sort of pre natal depression due to work stress and break down of my relationship with my mother and this pregnancy was far from expected.

But this is a first time offence so I don't know. (I'm sure to believe him but yeah, I can see why that would look naive. I'm also pissed off that I'm selling stuff to buy nice things for baby but he's happy to literally spunk £200 away.

And if I didn't already feel and look like a manatee...

Please help.

[Cocklodger]

Look lets just leave the bunfight behind it is not helping OP,
OP ISN'T OK WITH IT.
if you are then thats fab. Why don't you pack your DH off to a strip club? go on, off you pop.
If Op's partner thought Op would be ok with it then he wouldn't lie, would he?
I would LTB.
Not just for what he's done, because buying into the sex industry is bad enough but the fact he's blown £200 on it (And no I don't believe this is the first time, at all, sorry OP) while you're having to sell things to get decent stuff for your LO.
that isn't ok and you shouldn't stand for it.

[HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld]

MozFan and you don't know what it is like working in stripclub
the strippers do not want your men and they do not get touched.
I used to work mostly in London and I know this for a fact there are bouncers everywhere the girls do not want these men touching them nor are they allowed to. There are cameras everywhere.

and yes I have a lot more experience then people who have "friends" who told them hearsay

[Boundaries]

herface your experience is valid. As is everyone else's.

I used to support women in the sex industry, as did at least one or two other posters I know of on here. There is perhaps a different side to strip clubs which you, fortunately, didn't come into contact with.

I don't understand why you were so combative in your first few posts.

I don't think anyone is trying to make the OP feel worse - she posted for different views and perspectives.

[sentia]

I'm 7.5 months pregnant, OP, and I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if DH had done the same thing last night.

Honestly, I'd be asking him to stay somewhere else for a week or so while I could get my head clear.

I think:

• strip clubs are sexual, if it was just dancing there would be more clothing involved
  
• visiting strip clubs is exploitative of women, and demeaning to women
  
• visiting strip clubs, particularly having a private dance, is not something a man who respects women does
  
• the third trimester is Hard Work. Sneaking out to blow a load of cash on something like a strip club when your partner is at home trying to get her head around the enormous changes her body is going through and the even more enormous change coming up in the form of a new person is amazingly self-centred
  

I'm not sure I could forgive DH if he did that, to be honest. Major line crossing behaviour.

[Mozfan1]

How do you know I don't know what it's like? I didn't know we knew eachother in person HerFace

And fwiw, I never instigated into what may or may not have gone on if you read my previous posts, but keep on, you're doing great. 👏🏻

[septembersunshine]

If I am honest op I would question if this was a first offence and also I would now generally start to distrust him. Bit strange he was alone and also 6am arrival home. That's ally cat behavoiur. He was literally gone all night from your home. Are you happy together on a day to day basis? I think more digging is needed here. I would be suspicious of him. One strike. If he did this or similar again I would end the relationship.

[Purplebluebird]

Ouch, what a pain :/ I think in your situation, I would have a serious conversation and if he is really sorry and can see your point of view, I would be inclined to give him another chance... If he turns it around to blame you in any way, or if he's not sorry, I'd show him the door. Only you can make the decision though, don't let Mumsnet decide for you.

[TotallyOuting]

The op is obviously distressed why upset her more with saying £200 buys you more than dances when it actually doesn't? and say the women had their "vulva" in his face when that does not even happen.

I am another woman who has visited a strip club. My male friend and I had a series of joint private dances (with two women). I had a lot of women's body parts close to my face and to finish off the dance they removed their thongs and ground their naked vulvas on our laps.

And these dances cost about 20 quid, just a few years ago.

I don't honestly believe you're a woman who used to work in a strip club. You sound like a man desperate to pull the wool over a lot of women's eyes, for whatever reason.

[FeckTheMagicDragon]

HerFace - this thread is not about you. It's not about the strippers the OPs DH wasted £200 on that should have been spent on their baby. And it's really not about strippers 'wanting' the OPs DH or not.

It's about the OPs husband crossing a line, how it makes her feel, how she should deal with her feeling, and how she should respond to someone who should love, care and cherish her - especially when's she's carrying his child - treating her with such utter selfish thoughtlessness.

[Mozfan1]

What feck said.

[pugsake]

OP there is people here who have different boundaries and tolerances.

It only really matters how you feel. I have no new advice but I'm sorry that was a really shitty thing of him to do

And I'm sure you don't look like a manitee your just heavily pregnant it's not exactly a glamorous time of life for most of us.

[pugsake]

*there are

Excuse my crap grammar it's been a long week.

[Madinche1sea]

HerFace - to me it wouldn't matter whether the DP touched the stripper, had sex with her, or even if it was a voyeuristic thing. The point would be that he went in there at all - and the fact he was alone is even more weird.
I frankly couldn't care less what the stripper does or doesn't do, but I would care that the man I'm supposedly with would need to go there.

[IceIceIce]

Wow there are some vile specimens on here.

For me it's not just the dance (I'll get to that in a minute). It's the fact he lied to you about it. Lies are the ultimate in disrespect to me.

Lying to me tells me you think I am stupid and you think it is fine to make a fool of me while you/possibly others know the truth and are all in on it.

The actual dance... 200 is expensive for a dance. I'm very very sorry but I don't believe he had just a dance for that money (unless I've missed something and it was multiple dances/dancers).

I would be demanding to know the place he went if it's not on the receipt too.

[IceIceIce]

Herface you are contradicting yourself. You said a few pages ago you have stripper friends. Now you're saying other people only have 2nd hand info 😂. Make your mind up because it's you with the second hand information.

Also, shock, horror. London isn't the centre of the world and not everywhere charges those prices. Go anywhere else and you'll average 40 a dance at most.

I have worked in the sex industry and extras are commonplace in nearly all areas including fashion modelling. You have been absolutelying vile to anyfucker and women in general.

Just because you find it acceptable, some of us have higher standards in a partner and do not expect them to be out pissing money away on random girls while their partner is home pregnant and alone. Despite any extras it's just not on. And a mistake is something you apologise for immediately. You don't stand there and tell bare faced lies.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I may be way off the mark, but I think if you work in the sex industry/strip clubs then your opinion of men becomes skewed and you start to resign yourself to the fact that all men behave like the clients you're surrounded by.
So a stripper's perspective would be that this is the expected behaviour of most men and it becomes normalised. This may account for some of Myface's views.

[witsender]

It's a no no no from me.

[Princesspinkgirl]

Would be the end of it if my DP did that

[Sancia]

Absolute dealbreaker, OP, I'm so sorry. At least you found out now and can start the ball rolling unravelling him from your life. Your child deserves much better, and you will be giving them a far better life away from that vile piece of work as a 'role model'.

He lies, he cheats, he will merrily do it again, putting you at risk from STDs, he spends grotesque amounts of money while you sit at home and struggle, and he has a disgusting attitude towards women. Men like this do not change and deserve to be ostracised from polite company. Do not reward his behaviour by sticking with him :( He doesn't deserve you.

[leaveittothediva]

I'm so sorry for what he has done to you. You are alone at home carrying your baby (his baby), stressed about money to provide for your child, and concerned about your looks, from what you said. Meanwhile he is out drinking, entering a strip club alone, having a lap dance, and spending £200. He admitted it to you, cause you found out. For me this would be the end. I couldn't accept this. You have to take into account whether you could live with this knowledge, and move forward. Maybe he's told you more than you've shared with us, but I'd need a bit more than him admitting to it. He's been unfaithful to you, I could care less how many centimeters her anatomy was away from his. Maybe someone in the know could tell you, but I happen to think it's quite strange for a man's first time in a strip club to be alone. Take care of yourself and your baby, while you try and decide to do with him.

[GabsAlot]

200 quid when youre selling yur own stuff to get baby things?

thats the main point-he just wanted a drink go back to a normal club then

[Pisssssedofff]

This happened to me, it doesn't get better it gets worse. First time he did it I told his dad, his dad told him he was a twat and not to do it again. Second time he did it, ignored it so the third time he did it he didn't even bother covering his track or lying. I threw him out Christmas Eve told him it was his final warning etc etc ... Guess what he did it again !
I kept forgiving him because I thought I was invested and have wasted the best 15 years of my life as a result and ended up single anyway.
LTB now if you have any sense my lovely, I wish I had

[hollyisalovelyname]

OP is there anyone you can talk to in real life.
I would be gutted.
Disrespect.
The money aspect.
Do strip clubs stay open til 5.30 am ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Yeah they do stay open til 6am ish
Tbf I've been to strip clubs if he'd touched any of the girls he'd have two broken arms

[PrincessOG16]

I put up with a lot of crap but if my DH went to a strip club I'd be annoyed. If he got a dance, I'd be waving goodbye to him.