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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended that my cousin sent this gift back?

213 replies

FlyRussianUnicorn · 12/04/2016 19:14

Cousins little girl has just turned 8. Very much a girly girl and loves dressing up, playing with her mums makeup etc.

I got her some dressing up outfits and some play makeup for her birthday- actual toy stuff, not "real" makeup.

Cousin has sent it back in the mail. I contacted her and asked her why and apparently it isn't appropriate for a 8 year old to have her own makeup. I'm talking cheap stuff in plastic tat- lipgloss and eyeliner and a cheap nail art set. I didn't want to cause an argument so I apologise and she seemed really pissed off.

AIBU to be offended?

OP posts:
TwoKettles · 12/04/2016 19:17

OMG you are NBU to be offended. Cheeky mare should have thanked you for the thought even if she didn't want her DD to use the stuff.

lilydaisyrose · 12/04/2016 19:17

No, definitely not - she is being rude!! I'd be really fecked off. Even if that's what she thinks, she should have seen it for the thoughtful gift it was and accepted it gratefully (then disposed of gifts discreetly).

EatShitDerek · 12/04/2016 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leeds2 · 12/04/2016 19:17

It's not the sort of present I would want my 8 year old having, but I think it is very rude of your cousin to send the gift back to you.

LifeIsGoodish · 12/04/2016 19:18

Very rude to send the gift back.

I don't agree with makeup for little girls, but when my dd received this sort of gift I just subtly removed it from her. I still thanked the giver for the gift, though.

Unless it was something deeply offensive, I hope that I would never behave in such an entitled, ungrateful and ungracious way.

Pico2 · 12/04/2016 19:18

I wouldn't let an 8 yo have eyeliner. I'm not sure about the rest of it. But I wouldn't send a gift back to the giver. I'd bin it or send it to a charity shop.

witsender · 12/04/2016 19:19

If we received that I would have slid it to one side when DD wasn't looking and removed it, but I would have said thank you so much to you, as it was a lovely thought!

BackforGood · 12/04/2016 19:19

Agree, it's not the sort of thing I'd give an 8 yr old to play with, but if someone gave it them, I'd not send it back - how rude! Shock

Balletgirlmum · 12/04/2016 19:19

Eyeliner for an 8 year old!!!!

I too don't think it's appropriate though I would have just binned it not sent it back especially as dd was allergic to chesp kids make up.

She did actually own some of her own at that age but that was strictly for the stage.

So it was a bit rude but some people are a bit black & white about things. Maybe she should learn some tact.

sooperdooper · 12/04/2016 19:19

Sending it back was very rude, if she didn't want her dd to have the play makeup she should've just taken it off her.

SoupDragon · 12/04/2016 19:20

It's not an appropriate gift for an 8 yr old.

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 19:23

Whether or not she thinks it's inappropriate she should have simply thanked you for it and hidden it or given it to a charity shop. If you'd sent her a pair of crotchless knickers I could see her point, but play make up? Nah.

acasualobserver · 12/04/2016 19:26

Send her some money next time. Saves the trouble of choosing something and, in your case, the humiliation of having your gift returned. I'm not a parent but I have noticed that with all the children I give presents to the favourite gift is £. It's nice to have a bit of folding, isn't it?

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 19:26

Agree with pp, its an inappropriate gift for the age and I would have given it away or binned it, but I would never have let you know that, let alone sent it back. Thats the height of rudeness. The only appropriate response to any gift (no matter what it is or whether you loathe it) is thank you.

SavoyCabbage · 12/04/2016 19:27

It's over the top of her to send it back. She should have just sent it to the charity shop. Lots of people don't want their dc's to have make up. I wear make up,every day so I'm definitely not against it as a rule but there are so many things that children can enjoy at that age that I'd steer clear of it.

VenusInFauxFurs · 12/04/2016 19:28

Obviously, it was incredibly rude of her to send it back.

Unlike PPs, I don't think it was an inappropriate present. I'm sure my dd had some when she was younger than that. We kept it with the face painting stuff.

Greyponcho · 12/04/2016 19:28

Perhaps not the eyeliner would be appropriate, but the cousin should've said "thank you for the gift, I think the make up is a little too old for her at the mo, so will keep it until she's older get rid, hope all involved forgets".
Sending it back is rude beyond belief, as is not saying thank you for the other gifts.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/04/2016 19:29

Cheap make up for kids worries me. a) yuk and b) cheap cosmetics near my child's skin? Double yuk.

I wouldn't have sent it back though!

Flamingflume · 12/04/2016 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 12/04/2016 19:34

If my daughters had received that at age 8 it would have gone in the bin, but more because I would worry about the quality than any entrenched moral reasons. There are so many other things they could have at that age.

Your cousin was incredibly rude to send it back though.

Are you close enough to these relatives to discover that she wasn't allowed to use the makeup? That would be awkward for the parents, so perhaps they took the full frontal approach.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/04/2016 19:37

send her money next time

Wtf?? Not a hope she would get a thing off me ever again after that display of rudeness

Yanbu op but yabu to apologise it was make up ffs, you should have said that you didn't mean to offend but you now want to stop any reciprocating of gifts as you are twice as offended as she could possibly be

pinkcan · 12/04/2016 19:37

Dressing up outfits - nice present.

Cheap kiddy makeup - fit only for the bin. If my 8yo wants to put a bit of makeup on when she's dressing up, she's allowed to play with decent makeup. An aunt buys a lot of makeup and gets mini freebies so my dd plays with those (she has a Clinique lipstick and nail varnish that aunt did not like the colours of!). So even though I let my 8yo play with makeup, I wouldn't let her play with the sort of makeup you refer to because it's plasticky horrid crap.

That said, your cousin was a monumental twat to send it back or bollock you. She should have binned it and written a thank you card.

lorelei9here · 12/04/2016 19:41

Yanbu
Very rude of her and I say that as someone who would dislike the gift hugely

I think she probably wanted to discourage similar purchases in future but that wasn't the way to do it. I think she should have said "thank you, not sure it's right for DD at the moment though". This could have led naturally to a conversation and perhaps she could have offered that you might want to get a refund, it depends how close you are.

When my goddaughter was bought something her parents were really unhappy with, a similar thing, they just said to the giver "we will give it to her but can we respectfully ask that you don't give this sort of thing in future" and explained why. I happen to know the couple were hurt but I still thought that was more tactful.

There is the "thank you" only option but then you can get in a rut of similar gifts being bought in future, especially if the giver has no idea about the objections. Then you feel bad the giver is wasting money etc.

bloodyteenagers · 12/04/2016 19:48

Eyeliner for a 8 year old?
Maybe she sent it back to make a clear
Message. No. She could have thought fuck if I keep this then next year it will false nails and lashes.

She might be a girly girl. But maybe mum doesn't actually want her having her
Own makeup.

WellErrr · 12/04/2016 19:50

Totally inappropriate gift for a child, but I would have binned it. It was rude to send it back.