To be offended that my cousin sent this gift back?

[FlyRussianUnicorn]

Cousins little girl has just turned 8. Very much a girly girl and loves dressing up, playing with her mums makeup etc.

I got her some dressing up outfits and some play makeup for her birthday- actual toy stuff, not "real" makeup.

Cousin has sent it back in the mail. I contacted her and asked her why and apparently it isn't appropriate for a 8 year old to have her own makeup. I'm talking cheap stuff in plastic tat- lipgloss and eyeliner and a cheap nail art set. I didn't want to cause an argument so I apologise and she seemed really pissed off.

AIBU to be offended?

[SirChenjin]

Yes - but they probably find a way to keep their opinions to themselves and not upset family members in such a way Soup

[SpiritedLondon]

I wouldn't have a problem with make up for an 8 year old....presumably it's just for dressing up & play and not for actually going out? My daughter has a bit of play make up and she's a lot younger than 8 ( she has eye shadow, lip gloss and nail polish). It all comes off with water & is nontoxic. It does not represent a massive part of her play time and it's all balanced out with some gender neutral play ( she's just asked for a remote controlled car for her birthday so she's not girly girl all the time). Even if you don't agree with it I would consider it fucking rude to send it back.... She had to pay to return it to you. She was really making a point wasn't she?

[Ifeelsuchafool]

Not a fan of makeup on small girls but wouldn't have sent it back. Just plain rude. Probably would've binned the eyeliner but let her play with the nail art and lipstick tbh.
Many years ago my SIL sent back some stickle bricks that I sent to her DD for her fourth birthday with the excuse that, "she already has some"!

[Itinerary]

I'd stick to sending vouchers from now on. Then your cousin can spend the time choosing something instead.

[SpiritedLondon]

I'm with you Castasunder!

[PestilentialCat]

Very rude to send it back. At the most she ought to have said she was keeping it till she felt she was old enough to use it.

[iMogster]

A lot of Mums are funny about their girls wearing make up and growing up too soon. So I wouldn't give it as a gift. But play make up sounds ok. My 6 year old boy was given a Spiderman face painting make up set.

She should have just removed it, not used it and said to you that she didn't like her girl wearing any type of make up, so please don't get again.

She could have then re gifted or sent to a charity shop. It seems wasteful to bin it. I think it was very rude to post it back to you. She must have felt very angry and didn't even care that her actions could cause upset or a rift in the family. She handled it very badly.

[iMogster]

Slightly different- but for my son's 5th birthday he received a powerful Nerf gun with a recommended age of 8+. His brother was 2 at the time.

I don't mind toy weapons in the house, but some of my friends hate them with a passion.

I just put it to one side and will bring it out when he is older. Simple.

[MrsHathaway]

Slightly different- but for my son's 5th birthday he received a powerful Nerf gun with a recommended age of 8+. His brother was 2 at the time.

Good choice. Our 2yo does a good line in eating the bullets (mostly foam but with a nice choking hazard stuck to the end).

[Lindy2]

My 5 year old has a little toy make up kit. She loves it.
Your cousin is extremely rude and ungrateful. I wouldn't send anything ever again.

[MackerelOfFact]

I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, I definitely wouldn't want my 8yo wearing makeup (what difference does it make if it's a toy or not if it leaves residue on her skin and alters her appearance?) and really do think that by buying some for a little girl (or boy) sends out all the wrong messages at far too young an age. If my DD had received this gift, she wouldn't be using it and I'd probably chuck it or charity shop it, which is a waste, so I might send it back to you with a polite note thanking you for the thought, so that you could at least get your money back and you're not out of pocket.

On the other hand, it is outrageously rude to return a gift, and if the little girl wears her mum's makeup anyway, it's not massively inappropriate for her to have supervised access to makeup designed for a child's skin instead. If it had it been face paints instead of makeup, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, which is not that different really.

[Stratter5]

Horrible manners to send it back, or say anything.

However, I DO think it is inappropriate. DDs are 18 and 22 now, and both received make up as birthday gifts at that age - and yes, I binned it. Thinking it's inappropriate is nothing new, and nothing to do with Mumsnet, simply I think childhood is fleeting enough and children shouldn't be sexualised with 'adult' looking clothes and make up