To be offended that my cousin sent this gift back?

[FlyRussianUnicorn]

Cousins little girl has just turned 8. Very much a girly girl and loves dressing up, playing with her mums makeup etc.

I got her some dressing up outfits and some play makeup for her birthday- actual toy stuff, not "real" makeup.

Cousin has sent it back in the mail. I contacted her and asked her why and apparently it isn't appropriate for a 8 year old to have her own makeup. I'm talking cheap stuff in plastic tat- lipgloss and eyeliner and a cheap nail art set. I didn't want to cause an argument so I apologise and she seemed really pissed off.

AIBU to be offended?

[miaowmix]

Ha ha this is mumsnet, a make up set is only acceptable for an 8 yr old boy Ffs
In the real world, she was very rude. also in the real world nobody with a life would care less about this gift.

[JokesLOL]

I wonder what the responses would have been if the OP had sent the make up to an eight year old BOY and the mother had returned the gift. I think Mumnet would have exploded.

[Lollipopstick]

Weird responses - I know a couple of kids around that age who'd quite like some make up mess around with. I wouldn't give the eye liner in case they damaged their eyes or something. They wouldn't be going out and about to the shops in full make up - just messing at home and then wash it off.

Very odd that she posted it back. She could have just said thanks and then given it away /binned it if she had an issue with it.

[MissesBloom]

It shows a real lack of manners to send back a gift to someone...utterly disgraceful behaviour. I hope her dd doesn't grow up thinking this is how we treat people who've gone to the trouble of buying you a gift!
It was vely gift idea op. My 7yr old neice would have adored that, my dd is only 6 months but if she or her 3yr old brother want to play with my make up when they're a little older of course they'd be allowed. I played with my mums make up as a child, also tried on her clothes and shoes too she thought it was adorable.
I would definitely never send a gift to your cousin again and I'd make a point of letting her know she's offended you by sending the gift back. It's one thing to return a gift to the store (I'd only do it with clothes that were out of season or not appropriate for whatever reason), or re gift/charity shop/worst ways bin, but to send back? Shocking!

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

I don't think it matters what the gift was, sending it back was rude. Glitter bomb card next year op

[whatsmyusername]

YANBU it was rude. Unwated or not thats just rude.

[NewYearNewToads]

I'm sure if the 8 year old in question was a boy, there'd be a few poster on here saying what a fabulous idea it was

And that is why I love Mumsnet

[Italiangreyhound]

YANBU. If she is not happy with the gift she should have just put it to one side. I wouldn't take this further, just ignore. If you buy her a gift next year make sure it is pretty straight forward, a book! I wouldn't blame the child, it's her mum who is so rude.

If she bring it up again I would simply say, don't worry I won;t be buying any more make up for your child!

My dd had some play make up at that age and she is not a typically 'girlie-girl' at all. She didn't wear it out and just enjoyed playing with it, think she made me up to look pretty terrible!

Plus "I got her some dressing up outfits and some play makeup for her birthday- actual toy stuff, not "real" makeup." this is quite a large gift for a cousin's child, some outfits, that was generous. Did she send those back too?

I think she was rude beyond words and I would just let it drop.

[sothisishowitfeels]

I have 5 daughters who would have loved this gift . Play makeup in our house is my old bit and bobs and not exactly applied as intended ! At 8 I see it as more of a dressing up/ face painting excersize . This was how my 4 and 6 year old applied the dreaded inappropriate eye liner

[Spandexpants007]

It's daft to give an 8 year old make up. Some people really don't like it. She was rude to send it back. She should have just charity shopped it.

[Onlytimewilltell]

I don't like play make-up as it tends to be garish colours and cheap looking - but I hate face paints too.
My 8 year old daughter has boots natural collection eyeshadow pots, they do a range of pale and pastel shades. She also has some maybelline babylips lip colours. She sometimes puts it on at the weekends and puts flowery hair bands in. Really make up is much easier to get off than toy crap.

[Onlytimewilltell]

Real make up

[MartinaJ]

It's not an appropriate gift but I'd bin it rather than send it back. That's rude.

[thisagain]

My girls were given make up at presents from about 5+. I don't agree with it and agree it's inappropriate. That's just my opinion and my girls weren't very girly girls and had no interest in make up until old enough to want to test out real make up in their teens. We all pretended we liked the presents at least because anything else would have been rude!

[ExpandingRoundTheMiddle]

Rude!
Money or vouchers in future. Or a jokey cartoon kids' book entitled 'Good Manners for
Beginners' It's not the child's
fault that her mother is an arse.

[Janecc]

My DD was given make up when she was 7 and I was like oh - a little shocked because it was almost the full works, blusher, shadow, lip gloss. But really she hardly ever uses the kit and is so proud just to have it because it makes her feel grown up. Like a lot of girls she wants to pretend she's 7 going on 17. As adults we know she's only 7 and she's just playing dress up. From very little I told her my make up was out of bounds and now I realise there is no harm in giving little girls makeup. My DD has no concept of beauty/ladies magazines and only would have had I flaunted this world in her face. I've given her a sound foundation in life and a basis to love herself. She knows that beauty comes from within. So I think the problem doesn't lie with allowing or not allowing make up. It's a lot more complicated.

[Janecc]

Posted too soon. It seems odd that her DD can wear her mother's make up but not have any of her own. Your cousin sounds rather immature and I shouldn't let it worry you. I can imagine the little girl was really upset and confused, poor thing. My cousin systematically sends my DD a present and she once said to me if my DD doesn't like the present, I should gift it on to someone else - she has had the pleasure of choosing and sending the present is enough for her. Perhaps you could say something like that to your cousin in future? I have someone in my family acting rather like this and it's always tough because we never get a thank you or an acknowledgement for the gift. But if it were wrong I know I'd be thoroughly dressed down!

[Medusacascade]

Yanbu. My dd5 loves this shit. No idea why. I don't wear make up or look remotely feminine. I was really pearl clutching to begin with but now I'm not phased. She enjoys having a play round at home, nobody sees, everybody's happy. She loves that Frozen type make up you get in super markets.

She should have phoned and politely thanked but no thanked if she felt that strongly.

[acasualobserver]

sothisishowitfeels v.funny pic.

[Slutbucket]

I bought my little girl some play makeup. She see's me a strong independent woman putting my makeup on and helps me put my blusher on. She's got hers and puts it into her handbag and plays. Completely make believe and pretend.

[Mousefinkle]

Well it's definitely the sort of thing I'd subtly place in the bin when DD's weren't looking but I'd thank the gift giver and pretend they loved it all the same .

Just seems messy if nothing else. I hate unnecessary mess. Like the tiny Lego people insist on buying which always ends up dotted all over the house for me to stand on or Henry Hoover to eat.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Totally rude to send it back. And totally wasteful to bin it too.

Mn can be so sour.

My friend and I had hours of fun at that age plastering blue eyeshadow up to our eyebrows. Didn't go anywhere.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Seriously some kids have nothing on these days of food banks...rather than binning gifts people should give them to a charity at Christmas that gives out gifts.

[Cabrinha]

I'm really surprised at how many people are anti make up for their kids on here!
It's actually the kind of view I thought I'd have.

But I have a 7yo who loves playing with make up. Not because she thinks she's not pretty without it, or thinks she needs to dress up for other people (which would have been my concerns) but I can see now that she likes it because it's FUN. It's very theatrical - actually reasonably applied rather than clown like - but still very obvious, strong colour and glitter all the way. To her, it's like putting in a nice hair slide.

I hate the cheap crap as it doesn't go on properly at all, total waste of money. She has "real" stuff.

Incidentally, I rarely where make up. Never at all until about 3 years ago (in my 40s) and now maybe once a month. Every real life mum I know who wants their child to wait, wears it daily.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

fly - I'd agree with what you've suggested here:
I wouldnt bother sending anything again aside from a card but that will go round everyone that im tight but I'd 100% disagree with what you suggest that by only sending a card people will think that you're tight. I'd put the money you would have spent on your DN birthday present away and when she is a teenager, bring her away for a totally girly-girly pampering weekend somewhere that you wouldn't normally be able to stay, just the two of you!