Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended that my cousin sent this gift back?

213 replies

FlyRussianUnicorn · 12/04/2016 19:14

Cousins little girl has just turned 8. Very much a girly girl and loves dressing up, playing with her mums makeup etc.

I got her some dressing up outfits and some play makeup for her birthday- actual toy stuff, not "real" makeup.

Cousin has sent it back in the mail. I contacted her and asked her why and apparently it isn't appropriate for a 8 year old to have her own makeup. I'm talking cheap stuff in plastic tat- lipgloss and eyeliner and a cheap nail art set. I didn't want to cause an argument so I apologise and she seemed really pissed off.

AIBU to be offended?

OP posts:
addstudentdinners2 · 12/04/2016 20:43

What on earth is wrong with play make up?!?!

Yanbu. Your cousin was incredibly rude.

coldcanary · 12/04/2016 20:43

Should have added, I wouldn't have binned anything I thought was a bit too old, just put it away for when she's older.
DD1 is 10 and has got a lovely little make up set for Christmas that she's been experimenting with! No eyeliner though. She's so clumsy she'd take her own eye out with it...

Only1scoop · 12/04/2016 20:43

How rude

It's a gift she should accept graciously

ADishBestEatenCold · 12/04/2016 20:43

Make up isn't a suitable gift for an 8 year old (face paints with a dress-up costume, maybe), however breathtakingly rude to send a gift back, in this way. That would suggest to me that the gift was considered to be insulting to the point that the recipient (or the mum, in this case) intended to insult in return, perhaps even to fall out with the giver.

Did she send back the dressing-up outfits, along with the make-up? If so, then I would think the rudeness was compounded (unless the outfits were more suited to an 18 year old taking up burlesque), but if she only sent back the make-up then perhaps she simply misjudged how to respond to an unsuitable gift.

StarlingMurmuration · 12/04/2016 20:43

I'd have charity-shopped it and thanked you nicely. It was a dick move to send it back.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 12/04/2016 20:44

My daughters love messing about with make up...it's just a bit of fun where they can make themselves look colourful and funny for a little while at home. I wouldn't have minded someone sending them a gift like this. She was so rude to send it back OP - she has zero manners. Don't send any more gifts ever.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 12/04/2016 20:44

My 6yo likes play make up which is a laugh as I never wear it myself. I think it's bleeding rude to send back a present though.

If someone buys my DCs something I don't like, it gets accidentally lost on purpose Grin

MrsS1990 · 12/04/2016 20:49

Totally rude.

Btw I think it's a lovely gift for a little girl. X

GreenTomatoJam · 12/04/2016 20:52

No pearl clutching - just indigence - is that OK with people here?

People are being a bit OTT here to be honest. I used to pinch my sisters Avon things to play with when I was that age. Little girls love pretend 'be like mummy' toys.

My mum didn't wear makeup - in fact I remember lending her concealer for some posh thing she had to go to when I was about 15

I don't wear makeup now (unless trying to get a contract, in which case, I wear enough to look dressed up as that's expected from a woman, like a suit is from a man)

My sons have got into what little makeup I have and had a play and that's fine, but I wouldn't buy them their own sets (facepaint yes, beautification, no - they are lovely as they are)

Personally I don't think that at 8 it's appropriate to be re-enforcing beauty standards like this. I would say, at 8, that if you wouldn't send it to a boy, then you shouldn't send it to a girl, or you're as guilty as the marketers of genderising toys so far that girls don't realise they can be pilots and boys don't realise they can be SAHP.

Luckily I have family members who are lazy enough to send the same gift to every cousin's child, no matter the sex so this hasn't happened to me.

usual · 12/04/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTomatoJam · 12/04/2016 20:53

indignance

Tallulahoola · 12/04/2016 20:54

Jeez. YANBU. You bought a thoughtful present based on what you know this little girl likes playing with. It was play make-up for when she plays dress-up at home, it's not like you're encouraging her to go clubbing Confused

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/04/2016 20:58

Fuckin right you're not being unreasonable.
How rude is that. I'm likeShock
I hope you haven't sent anything else, but then you have to toy with. It's not the child's fault.

anRsole · 12/04/2016 20:59

i remember my brother wearing bright blue eyeshadow as a young boy and walking around with one fingernail painted. he liked dolls and had an ironing board toyset also. he's a 30 year old man now with his own son. no make up or nail polish and won't iron for shit.

WonderingAspie · 12/04/2016 21:03

Sorry, terrible present. You should have asked if makeup was ok to give. I have friends who's DDs have their own dressing tables and makeup and they are younger than 8, I think it's disgusting tbh.

She shouldn't have sent it back, it is rude but I kind of admire her balls. I wouldn't do it myself though.

And to posters who asked, I wouldn't let my 8 year old play with my makeup either. I hate seeing little girls in makeup.

WonderingAspie · 12/04/2016 21:06

Oh and if either of my DCs want to play with makeup, I let them make me up. That's been fun Grin.

SingingSamosa · 12/04/2016 21:14

My girls both asked for make up for Christmas (aged 6 and 8) and I bought them some but made sure it was proper make up not cheap tat. They like messing about with it when they are dressing up but I never let them leave the house with it on. I really don't see the fuss about kids playing around with make up in a dressing up situation, nor wearing sparkly high heels with their princess dresses. It certainly doesn't mean that I allow them to wear heels and make up outside the confines of the house! So I don't think make up is an entirely inappropriate gift for an 8 year old and certainly can't understand all the pearl-clutching about it.
In a similar vein, my 8 year old wanted a pamper party for her birthday - foot spa, mani/pedi, face mask and hair. Her and her friends loved it! They are all a perfectly normal bunch of girls, who aren't even really that girly, and are all usually more often found in a pair of muddy wellies and a track suit!

So, no, I don't think YABU for sending the present in the first place. I think your cousin was exceedingly rude to return it instead of putting/throwing it away.

dairymilkmonster · 12/04/2016 21:20

I just regift or give to a charity shop if we recieve any unwanted gifts, no matter the reason I don't want to keep them. Very rude to send back.

Original poster
FlyRussianUnicorn · 12/04/2016 21:33

I get it might not be appropriate and people dont like it. But shes always routing in her mums makeup bag and applying makeup and she says nothing.

Im just a bit embarassed because she sent it back. Thats what im annoyed about. I wouldnt bother sending anything again aside from a card but that will go round everyone that im tight Confused

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/04/2016 21:40

fly let her think what she wants, she was rude and ungracious. A card is good enough.

anRsole · 12/04/2016 21:48

i can see why you thought it was appropriate given that she's already playing with her mums already with nothing being said. i too would have thought it was a nice gift. had you sent it my daughter she'd have been over the moon. and i'd have let her keep it.

Bogeyface · 12/04/2016 21:51

Its a bit of bloody play make, not a hookers outfit!

As PP have said, they all want to be like Mummy, they soon get over the phase believe me, its not long that they want to be nothing like Mummy at all!

The over reactions of some people to an innocent gift of play make up to an 8 year old says far more about them than it does the OP.

NewYearNewToads · 12/04/2016 21:55

I would say, at 8, that if you wouldn't send it to a boy, then you shouldn't send it to a girl

If the boy in question liked playing with makeup then I would have no qualms about either giving him the same gift or him receiving one.

NewYearNewToads · 12/04/2016 21:55

^or for him to receive one.

SoConfused15 · 12/04/2016 21:56

A. Your cousin was rude and out of order.

B. Some kids like to play with make up, get over it. It's called make-believe, or dressing up. Its no big deal unless they are allergic to the ingredients. lol at the poster who thinks its ok because her daughter has her own Clinique. I was desperate to have my own make up etc at that age and guess what I have a degree and a professional full time job, it's not turned me into a Barbie...