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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended that my cousin sent this gift back?

213 replies

FlyRussianUnicorn · 12/04/2016 19:14

Cousins little girl has just turned 8. Very much a girly girl and loves dressing up, playing with her mums makeup etc.

I got her some dressing up outfits and some play makeup for her birthday- actual toy stuff, not "real" makeup.

Cousin has sent it back in the mail. I contacted her and asked her why and apparently it isn't appropriate for a 8 year old to have her own makeup. I'm talking cheap stuff in plastic tat- lipgloss and eyeliner and a cheap nail art set. I didn't want to cause an argument so I apologise and she seemed really pissed off.

AIBU to be offended?

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/04/2016 22:12

I would say, at 8, that if you wouldn't send it to a boy, then you shouldn't send it to a girl

I have actually heard to all Shock

I am speechless except to say that is the greatest load of horse shit I have ever heard

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 22:13

Agree with the last few posters. Honestly, it's a bit of coloured lip gloss for dressing up, nothing more - it doesn't define them or limit their aspirations. Some girls who like this sort of dressing up even go on to study science and maths and play sports. I know - remarkable, isn't it!! Hmm

Only1scoop · 12/04/2016 22:16

It really brings em' all out the woodwork Grin

Fluffycloudland77 · 12/04/2016 22:18

I had Avon children's make up at 6. Bloody good I was at applying it too.

BombadierFritz · 12/04/2016 22:31

Just tell people she sends your gifts back

BlondieLoxie · 12/04/2016 22:35

I'm sure if the 8 year old in question was a boy, there'd be a few poster on here saying what a fabulous idea it was 🙄

Only1scoop · 12/04/2016 22:39

Blondie
Of course there would ....

As long as it was delivered in a pink sparkly wheely case....

They are fine for boys apparently just not girls ....

MidniteScribbler · 12/04/2016 22:53

I don't have a daughter, just a son, but if I had a girl, I wouldn't want her using the cheap makeup products. Even for myself, I often have a reaction to any attempts to use the cheaper products.

I don't think an 8 year old needs eyeliner, but some light coloured lipgloss sounds fine to me. Just not the dollar store variety of lipgloss. And what on earth is wrong with a nail art set? That seems like a pretty fun present for an 8 year old girl to me.

Regardless of her feelings however, she was extremely rude to send it back.

GreenPetal94 · 12/04/2016 22:54

I don't like make up for under teenage years. However sending it back is odd. Just don't let the girl use it surely.

Bogeyface · 12/04/2016 22:57

DD is obsessed with hair and make up, always has been. She is 14, is extraordinarily clever and has her sights set firmly on Oxbridge. She has her career mapped out and I have no doubt that her love of arsing about with eyeliner wont stop her. None of my make up was safe, so she would have been about 7 or so when I bought her her first lot.

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 12/04/2016 22:58

My, now grown up, DD was given many of these sets as gifts as a child. I didn't particularly like them, but she did. They would invariably be abandoned after a few days and then discretely disposed of. I would never have dreamed of sending the present back, or have not accepting graciously. For me personally, my nightmare gift was anything 'crafty' or requiring lots of parental input - candle making, jewellery making, hair braiding, pottery, crystal growing etc, etc. These always ended up with tantrums and tears (mine) and swiftly being dispatched to the charity shop. Again, even though I hated these gifts I would never turn up nose, your cousin sounds very rude.

BennyTheBall · 12/04/2016 22:58

I would've hated this gift and not given it to my daughter.

But no way would I be so rude as to send it back. I would have just given it to charity and not let on.

shinynewusername · 12/04/2016 22:59

Is it possible that she sent the make up back because she thought you might be able to use it yourself (as she didn't want her DD to have it)? That would make her tactless but not intentionally rude. If sent it back purely to make a point to you about the make up being inappropriate, that is unbelievably rude.

Bogeyface · 12/04/2016 23:00

I would also not be sending her anymore gifts and if she questions it, tell her exactly why.

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 12/04/2016 23:01

My DD is now doing a PhD is science/maths based discipline, got a first in her degree, so no harm done!

Atenco · 12/04/2016 23:07

Many years ago, someone gave my dd "play make-up" and it was awful, I had to really scrub around her eyes to get it off. If I was going to give make up to anyone, especially a child, it would have to be real decent make up.

But yes, your cousin was unnecessarily rude.

coldcanary · 12/04/2016 23:09

Fluffy was that Tinkerbell make up (I think)? I seem to remember peel off nail varnish. Not sure how old I was though.

Itinerary · 12/04/2016 23:18

It's rude to send back gifts you don't like. You just give them to a charity shop.

Wdigin2this · 12/04/2016 23:40

Just plain bad mannered! I don't think not wanting her child to use 'play make-up' warrants offending someone, who was thoughtful enough to send a gift!

squiggleirl · 12/04/2016 23:41

Personally I don't think that at 8 it's appropriate to be re-enforcing beauty standards like this. I would say, at 8, that if you wouldn't send it to a boy, then you shouldn't send it to a girl, or you're as guilty as the marketers of genderising toys so far that girls don't realise they can be pilots and boys don't realise they can be SAHP.

The pilots and SAHP comment? Now that has me clutching my pearls. Girls who like make-up and pink and dresses and sparkles and OTT jewellery can be scientists and engineers and even pilots too. And what's more, plenty of them know it. Such a pity you don't....

Wdigin2this · 12/04/2016 23:43

PS: I think I'd write back to her and say, that I'd given the gift to a charity shop, but she needent worry about any more 'unsuitable gifts'', because I wouldn't be sending any at all!!

squiggleirl · 12/04/2016 23:45

FWIW OP, my 8 year old DD would have loved your gift. She has this set and has great fun playing with it

MidniteScribbler · 12/04/2016 23:48

Personally I don't think that at 8 it's appropriate to be re-enforcing beauty standards like this. I would say, at 8, that if you wouldn't send it to a boy, then you shouldn't send it to a girl, or you're as guilty as the marketers of genderising toys so far that girls don't realise they can be pilots and boys don't realise they can be SAHP.

What a load of absolute crap. I do my makeup every morning and I get my nails done every fortnight with nail art or sparkly colours. I also have a PhD. So fuck off with your stupid stereotypes of women with a brain don't wear makeup.

JokesLOL · 12/04/2016 23:49

Mumsnet gold indeed Grin

IHeartKingThistle · 12/04/2016 23:50

Oh thank goodness some people talking sense have turned up.

My 9 year old has a bit of makeup. It's for PLAYING, people. Same as a plastic tiara or a toy kitchen. Or are we objecting to those now too?