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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to host Xmas dinner?

222 replies

CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 19:41

Another Xmas one but just that really. DH and I have always had Xmas at our own home instead of trailing our 3 DC around to visit everyone. We find it more of a hassle getting DC read and dragging them away from their toys or trying to drag the toys with us! We much prefer our routine of open presents, then have dinner then have visitors. Yesterday PIL were visiting and MIL brought up Xmas, asking us our plans, asking DC what Santa was bringing them ect before announcing that she, FIL, SIL, YSIL, BIL and BIL's DW would be joining us for dinner on Xmas day. Hmm I flat out refused.

So I don't drop feed, my reasons are first and foremost she didn't ask, she just announced they would be coming which I find rude, she usually pulls stunts like this and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with DC4.

Now, my problem. MIL huffed after that and left. Not too soon after I get a call from DH asking what I'd done to upset his mother and why I was rude to her! I explained what happened and DH wants me to reconsider.

AIBU to refuse and stand my ground?

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/11/2015 19:44

By all means tell DH he can do christmas for his famillt. All shopping cooking cleaning and hassel. Otherwise its a no!

QueenofLouisiana · 27/11/2015 19:46

Tell DH you'll reconsider if he is hosting, cooking and cleaning up before and after? You'll be available to refill glasses and chat to guests...

Flyonthewindscreen · 27/11/2015 19:46

YANBU at all. Who on earth invites themselves and 5 other family members to Christmas dinner? They can have a nice meal together and then come over to visit if invited.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 27/11/2015 19:47

Pregnant and hosting? No way, Yanbu. It's going to be far to difficult and stressful with them forcing themselves on you.

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 19:50

Thanks everyone! I really thought I was being unfair for a minute.

I'm trying to think of a reply for DH once he's home from work! I think I'll use what you said, Queen. Grin

Kamer, they know they're welcome after. But that's not enough time to spend with their DGC and DS...they see us every two weeks..

OP posts:
tattychicken · 27/11/2015 19:51

Had they already broached the subject with your DH? My MIL does this, presents it as an idea to DH, he mumbles something non committal and doesn't mention it to me, she then announces it as fact three weeks later and I am gaping like fish. Got stitched at Christmas a few times like that until I grew a backbone.

ofallthenerve · 27/11/2015 19:53

Yanbu. In your shoes, I'd tell them to come on over but that as you will be 7 months pg by the time Xmas rolls around, you won't be cooking a large meal for all ten(?) of you. They're welcome to come for pizza instead Grin (unless DH decides to do all the work).

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 19:56

I know exactly how you feel, tatty but DH knew nothing about this but thinks it'll be a great idea.

ofall, brilliant! My MIL would die of a heart attack though! She expects Xmas dinner to be 'proper'. Grin

OP posts:
OhBigHairyBollocks · 27/11/2015 19:57

I think it's so rude that people invite themselves. No-one I know would dream of inviting themselves anywhere!!

ofallthenerve · 27/11/2015 19:58
Grin
Aeroflotgirl · 27/11/2015 19:59

My goodness the audacity of some. I would tell dh that he can host his family, do the cooking, preparing, cleaning etc

SouthWesterlyWinds · 27/11/2015 19:59

Seriously!? She just announced to her pregnant DIL that she will be hosting for 6 additional people to her family of 5? she's either got brass or it hasn't been thought through. YANBU

Strangertides1 · 27/11/2015 20:02

I can't only add: omg!!! Your mil sounds like a right piece of work!

HeartShapedBox · 27/11/2015 20:02

No way Shock stick to your guns, op

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 20:04

These things with her don't surprise me anymore, south. Not to sound horrible but she doesn't quite know how to ask, she more expects things.

Aero, hell would freeze over before DH would attempt to host! And the man burns boiled eggs so I couldn't even imagine what he'd feed his family. Grin

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 27/11/2015 20:05

I have nothing to add accept to agree with everyone else! I can't believe she did that and I can't believe your DH thinks it's a wonderful idea! Well done you for flat out refusing!

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/11/2015 20:05

YANBU at all! No way I'd be hosting whilst 7 months pregnant and trying to make it a happy day for my 3 other children!

bloodyteenagers · 27/11/2015 20:05

When he comes in, tell him that you have reconsidered
I hear you and your mum are hosting Christmas this year. I was a bit shocked thinking omg cooking, shopping and prepping for 11 and pregnant. But thinking about it. Will be really nice to not have to do a thing. So have you both decided what you are cooking? If you are getting it delivered need to be quick, slots are going and some stuff needs pre booked.. Really looking forward to the day now. Just sitting and relaxing all day. It's gonna be lovely..

Don't give him chance to talk until after you have finished. And he will either agree or ask you what the fuck you have been smoking. Which of course you can ask him the same thing about his mum, and the batshit idea she came out with.

AdoraBell · 27/11/2015 20:06

YANBU

Either tell DH Christmas is on him this year, from making sure there is loo roll in the toilet to making sure the food is exactly how his DM likes it, or tell him he can choose what he does this Christmas as you and DCs are off to your DM's (or whichever rellie you could go to) so you need to leave right after breakfast/ the night before.

Notimefortossers · 27/11/2015 20:08

Actually I just realised I do have something to add! Last year I was 8 months pg at christmas. My DH HATES to go to other people for christmas and much prefers a nice little family christmas at home. But last year he fully supported my decision for us to go to my DM's for that year so that I didn't have to do all the work.

Your MIL is BU and so is your DH . . . definitely DEFINITELY not you!

CocktailQueen · 27/11/2015 20:10

She is very rude! You don' t invite yourself to someone's house for Xmas day! Just ... No.

Agree with others: sAy to dh, right, you plan menu, shop, cook, clear up... I'll play with the dc and their presents... And see what he says...

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 20:11

Thank you! Defiantly sticking to my guns now that I know I'm not just being hormonal.

You summed that up lovely, bloody. I'll combine Adora's response and whip something up.

OP posts:
Alwayssunny · 27/11/2015 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 27/11/2015 20:16

Who ARE these people who invite themselves over for Christmas? There will be six of them - why can't one of them host it for the others? That is really cheeky.

DinosaursRoar · 27/11/2015 20:18

YANBU - i wouldn't say "you host then" because he might call your bluff and say yes, and faced with your own DCs not having food on Christmas day, a messy house and a crap Christmas, you'll end up doing it anyway.

I'd go with throwing an all might strop at DH about how dare his mother be so rude and him back her up rather than supporting you his pregnant wife, that actually, rather than you upsetting her, she's really really upset you (tears would be good at this point). Honestly, fight fire with fire. He's after an easy life, make it clear, he's got 2 upset woman in his life, he can't apease both and only one of them lives with him and is pregnant with his DC...