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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to host Xmas dinner?

222 replies

CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 19:41

Another Xmas one but just that really. DH and I have always had Xmas at our own home instead of trailing our 3 DC around to visit everyone. We find it more of a hassle getting DC read and dragging them away from their toys or trying to drag the toys with us! We much prefer our routine of open presents, then have dinner then have visitors. Yesterday PIL were visiting and MIL brought up Xmas, asking us our plans, asking DC what Santa was bringing them ect before announcing that she, FIL, SIL, YSIL, BIL and BIL's DW would be joining us for dinner on Xmas day. Hmm I flat out refused.

So I don't drop feed, my reasons are first and foremost she didn't ask, she just announced they would be coming which I find rude, she usually pulls stunts like this and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with DC4.

Now, my problem. MIL huffed after that and left. Not too soon after I get a call from DH asking what I'd done to upset his mother and why I was rude to her! I explained what happened and DH wants me to reconsider.

AIBU to refuse and stand my ground?

OP posts:
ofallthenerve · 27/11/2015 20:22

I still vote pizza... If she wants to spend time with DGC and DS that's fine, but if she wants a fucking gourmet meal provided for her and the whole extended family by a pg woman then PFFT. That's right, I said PFFT!

Titsalinabumsquash · 27/11/2015 20:23

We always have one side of the other of the family inviting themselves for Christmas! This year I booked a holiday over Christmas and casually dropped it in when they were asking what time dinner would be. GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 20:25

They're the fearsome inlaws, imperial. Grin

An update. DH is working late so we've resulted to texting. Like PP's have said he did indeed call my bluff when I told him that the only way something like this was happening was if he cooked, cleaned and hosted. DH can't cook to save his life and would make a half assed attempt at cleaning.

Dionsaurs, I couldn't agree more with you! Especially if my own DC's Xmas is potentially at stake in going to go into this argument all guns blazing or all tears flowing. Grin

OP posts:
Jibberjabberjooo · 27/11/2015 20:32

I would be reminding your dh that it's your Christmas too.

How many similar threads are there on here? Family invites themselves over, dh agrees which means them doing fuck all whilst the wife does all the cooking, cleaning and hosting? WTF is going on??

CallingAllEmergencyKittens · 27/11/2015 20:34

YANBU.

Would't do pizza if you do get lumbered though. KFC bargain bucket is much more festive! Get a couple Xmas eve and reheat on the day. You should buy an extra viennetta though to be on the safe side.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 27/11/2015 20:34

I think you need to point out to dh that his mother was rude to you, and has upset you, and that his phonecall should have been to her - Mum, why were you so rude to my wife? You've upset her, what are you going to do about it?

Because frankly, inviting yourself and 5 others to christmas dinner like that is jolly rude, and it's left you feeling upset and stressed and worried, hasn't it? Do not bury your feelings, and be all rational and civilised - no, let it all out to dh. Because he's going to take the path of least resistance, and that needs not to be you!

And it shouldn't be you "reconsidering" it should be him saying "my wife is 6 months pregnant, of course she isn't going to do this, that's ridiculous". Tell him you want him to defend and protect you and look after you Smile.

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 20:34

I'd say it's an infectious case of 'family enititlment', Jibber.

OP posts:
JellyBabiesSaveLives · 27/11/2015 20:36

Although, if you do end up cooking - I don't know about your kids, but mine would love pizza for Christmas dinner.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/11/2015 20:36

There are 3 weekends left to learn to cook a meal.... if hes that bothered he can learn!!

BollocksToThat1 · 27/11/2015 20:39

Ha ha ha. I would have laughed in her face and asked her 'seriously you are joking? Don't be so ridiculous.

As got your dh tell him to fuck off to the far end of fuck and then keep going.

Absolutely not.

Dh should be cooking for you and the kids.

All this crap about not being able to cook either is Balls. My dh and lads can.

KeepOnMoving1 · 27/11/2015 20:42

Yanbu, they should be hosting you as you are the one who's pregnant and needs a rest. I would love to know how you told her you won't be doing it op?

mintoil · 27/11/2015 20:45

Oh dear, I wouldn't have given him the option of cooking as he will just say he will do it and then won't - or he will get his mummy to do it for him.

I really think you have to say no and mean no.

expatinscotland · 27/11/2015 20:46

YANBU.

Jibberjabberjooo · 27/11/2015 20:49

Well it's about time it stopped OP. Which can only happen by the DH's growing a backbone and the DW saying 'fuck, no'.

I've got the family round on Christmas Day but DH loves cooking so it's not just left to me, and I bloody well wouldn't let it happen anyway.

Bigpants4 · 27/11/2015 20:50

Yes let him attempt to host. Sit back and relax, enjoy watching him run round like a nutter. Don't forget to take a snooze or curl up with a book if he starts asking stuff

Littleonesaid · 27/11/2015 20:50

YANBU. I've broken out in a cold sweat just thinking about being heavily pregnant and Christmas catering for hoards of ILs. Don't put yourself through it!

Plus do you even have enough space / chairs / cutlery etc for 11. Let alone the cost. Just no.

Bigpants4 · 27/11/2015 20:52

Really you mustn't rescue him or put things straight during Xmas. See it as performance art and you're the audience.

Original poster
CiritheLionessofCintra · 27/11/2015 20:56

Bollocks, it's not to say he can't cook it's more on the lines of he's absolutely horrible at it.

Keep, I responded in a similar tone to Bollock's post. I laughed it off as a joke which I think might have gotten me in more trouble as she directly mentioned to DH that I'd "laughed at her like she was some sort of moron"...well, if the shoe fits. Grin

Thank you for the lovely post, Jelly! But I'm very used to this sort of behaviour from PILs so I tend to brush it off and not let it annoy me unless it escalates. Flowers

Right, I've responded to DH's message of him intending to cook by telling him that it's a lovely idea what he's going to cook, clean and host for his family since my family will be doing the same for me as the DC and I will be off to my DM's for Xmas day since he seems very busy catering to his parent's needs. Smile

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 27/11/2015 20:59

My reply if it was my DH would be Fuck and Off Grin

I'm shocked that people actually do that invite themselves to someone elses house for Christmas and your going to be 7 months pregnant as well.I'd say no way.

yorkshapudding · 27/11/2015 21:02

There's no way in hell I would be cooking Christmas dinner with all the trimmings for 11 people whilst heavily pregnant Shock There's also no way DH would expect me to. When your DH says he'll do all the prep, cooking, cleaning etc do you actually believe him? Or is he saying this now to get his way knowing you'll feel obliged to step in and come to his rescue when it all inevitably starts to go tits up? I'd stick to my guns and say no, not happening. Even if by some miracle you didn't end up doing all the work, surely it would be maddening to have to host someone who has been disrespectful enough to invite herself and the entire extended family to your home and then chucked he toys out of the pram when you dared to say no. If she gets her way now she'll be unbearably smug on Christmas day knowing DH took her side over yours. Maybe I'm petty but I couldn't stomach it.

Scholes34 · 27/11/2015 21:03

I'd do it. I'd host. Not so much more effort to cook for that many when you're doing a roast and you'd be cooking anyway. They can do the washing up.

ImperialBlether · 27/11/2015 21:03

Oooh good response there, OP!

Hormonal1 · 27/11/2015 21:04

Good for you OP! How dare she invite herself and all those others?! Keep us posted as to the final outcome!

DinosaursRoar · 27/11/2015 21:06

no, if it's just texting now, I'd send something like "I'm sat here in floods of tears, I can't believe you are prepared to ruin my/the kids christmas rather than stand up to your mother's bad behaviour. Can't stop crying, christmas is supposed to be something to look forward too." Honestly, time to stop being angry and start making him realise talking you round isn't 'winning', it's just creating a much bigger problem. (Yes it's manipulative, but fire with fire time).

mintoil · 27/11/2015 21:08

Yep - he has to be more afraid of upsetting you than of upsetting his mummy.